Super Mollusc & Bivalve vs. XXXtreme Machine

TC Ok, before our main event begins we have a video clip of what happened last time on BOB is Boobs to refresh your memory and pad this thing out a little more.

[‘Misirlou’ plays and the General Manager of BOB is Boobs, Carlos Limo, struts out with a baseball bat. He walks down to the ring.]

TC: Limo pulls his tag team apart before rolling into the ring. Baseball bat to Bivalve! Baseball bat to Super Mollusc! La Porko and Super Gluey follow in and prepare to make the cover. Nothing can go wrong now, they have the match won.

[‘XXXtreme.’ No F’n pop.]

VV: Oh shit.

TC: XXXtreme Machine is on his way to the ring and he has a steel chair! Chairshot to La Porko! Chairshot to Super Gluey! Chairshot to Carlos Limo!

[Realizing that the fans are never going to react to anything, some stock audio of thousands of fans cheering plays over the speaker.]

TC: The fans are going wild! Super Mollusc and Bivalve are up on their feet, staring at XXXtreme Machine in disbelief. XXXtreme Machine begins staring at them… he reaches out his hand to be shaken. Goodness gracious me, could we have a Jobbers Inc. reunion on our hands here?

[After Bivalve and Mollusc reach out to shake his hand XXXtreme Machine clotheslines them both. He then sets them up on the top rope and hits a double XXXtreme Stunner. Thousands of fans booing the house down plays over the speaker.]

TC: I guess not, XXXtreme Machine drags his former stablemates’ bodies over La Porko and Super Gluey. One, two, three. What a screwjob!

MA: The following handicap contest is our main event this afternoon and is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, already in the ring, from Parts Unknown… Super Mollusc and Bivalve!

TC: Through Hellfire and Keystone, Super Mollusc and Bivalve have got revenge on their minds this afternoon as they try to pay back XXXtreme Machine for that ridiculous swerve last time on BOB is Boobs.

VV: I can’t believe we have to see XXXtreme Machine again, can’t someone injure him or something so he goes away?

[‘XXXtreme.’ No F’n pop.]

MA: And their opponent, from North Dakota… XXXtreme Machine.

[Machine beats his chest violently whilst screaming loudly.]

XTM: sPeik 2 m3 w4aA4Rrriii1i0000000o0000000000ORzz~!!!!!111#

TC: Super Mollusc and Bivalve fly over the ropes and hit Machine with stereo tope con giros.

VV: Couldn’t they have done that before he spoke?

TC: Triple XXXtreme is proving why he’s tougher than a $2 steak here. He’s up before his opponents and tosses them back into the ring. As he follows he drops an elbow drop soon after and make the cover. Bivalve is in trouble, one, two, Super Mollusc breaks it up just in time.

VV: That XXXtreme retard looks pissed at that mollusc guy.

TC: Indeed, Super Mollusc is in trouble. He goes for a punch but Big SeXXXy just no-sells it completely. Mollusc gets scooped and slammed with one hellacious barn burning body slam. One, two, kickout. I thought that was it.

GBH: Yur.

VV: That other guy, the bisexual one, tries to hit Machine with his fist but gets poked in the eyes.

TC: It’s Bivalve not bisexual!

VV: What the hell is a Bivalve?

TC: A bivalve is a mollusc having a shell consisting of two lateral plates or valves joined together by an elastic ligament at the hinge, which is usually strengthened by prominences called teeth. The shell is closed by the contraction of two transverse muscles attached to the inner surfa…

VV: Stop it! You’re scaring GBH.

TC: I am not, a little biology never hurt anyone… except maybe that wrestler in the science lab deathmatch a few years back. Now, where was I?

VV: You were supposed to be talking about the stuff that’s going on in the ring.

TC: XXXtreme Machine chokeslamming both of his opponents?

VV: Yes.

TC: And then powerbombing them both through tables?

VV: Yes.

TC: Ok. Well, XXXtreme Machine did do all of those things just now and his opponents, Super Mollusc and Bivalve, are officially and legitimately DEAD!!!

GBH: *Gasp*

VV: They are not dead.

TC: Are you questioning me?

VV: They’re moving, look!

GBH: Yay, Mr. Bi… errr… valve and Super Mullet are alive.

TC: They probably wish they were dead though as XXXtreme Machine goes up top with a chair tied to his own torso. Plancha!

VV: All he did was jump on them.

TC: Yes, that’s a plancha. And now he’s laying in the punches, beating these two like a herd of government mules.

XTM: i7;s tieM 2 gte xetr3NE#!!!!11!`

VV: Where do all these tables come from?

TC: I don’t know but XXXtreme Machine has sure as heckfire set one up. He grabs both of his opponents around the throat, he’s going to chokeslam them BOTH through that table!

Voice-Over: Ivavay Alay Azaray!

TC: It’s Igpay! It’s Igpay! He charges down the ramp, around the ring and hits a huge clothesline knocking the wind out of Big SeXXXy. And now he’s stomping the bejesus out of him!

VV: That’s a disqualification, right?

TC: You’ve been doing your homework, you’d better tell the ref.

VV: Hey, like, you ref guy.

GR: Yeah?

VV: Dude, that’s a disqualification.

GR: It is?

TC: The referee calls for the bell and we have been screwed out of a real finish yet again. Nobody seems to care though as Igpay, Bivalve and Super Mollusc all roll Triple XXXtreme back into the ring and begin another barrage of stomps.

VV: Another show’s going to end with a mass stomping?

TC: It seems quite likely as Bob is Boobs General Manager Carlos Limo’s Lucha Lackeys run out from behind a rake display and join in with the stomping.

VV: It’s going to be like this every week isn’t it? Geez.

TC: The Dyslexic Avenger is here! And DMD! And look, there’s Tyke Drudley! They all get in the ring and start stomping away.

VV: Stupid, just stupid.

TC: Chris Candildo, Tazzz, Hooker T all come out to join in with the stomping of XXXtreme Machine. All hell has broken loose!

Voice-Over: Weeeeeell, well it’s the Wig Show!

VV: Not this guy again.

TC: Good gawd almighty, through hellfire and keystone it’s the Wig Show! That 800 lbs giant is stomping down to the ring with a vengeful blonde wig atop his head.

XTM: wtF?!1

TC: Chokeslam to Candildo! Chokeslam to Bivalve! Chokeslam to The Dyslexic Avenger! Tyke Drudley tries to hit a surprise hurracanrana but gets powerbombed right out of the ring. Chokeslam to DMD!

VV: I’m pretty sure this guy quit months ago.

TC: Chokeslam to Igpay Atinolay Eathay! Chokeslam to Tazzz! Chokeslam to Super Mollusc!

Konun: Come on guys, we can take this moron out.

Super Gluey: Right.

TC: Chokeslam to Super Gluey! Chokeslam to Konun O’Brero! Chokeslam to La Porko! Wig Show has literally cleaned house as these scoundrels run away like a pack of scolded dogs!

VV: He has literally cleaned house?!

TC: Please, you’re the last person I need correcting my English. I’d rather GBH be correcting me before you.

GBH: Huh?

TC: XXXtreme Machine is up and stares at the man that just saved his ass. Are we seeing a new force being forged here on BOB is Boobs? Chokeslam to XXXtreme Machine!

VV: What’s the point of this?

TC: Wig Show roars out before climbing out of the ring. He walks over to this announce desk and grabs me round the throat. Chokeslam to The Commentator!

WS: Wig Show’s back!

VV: You can’t just Chokeslam The Commentator like that! Who the hell do you think you are?

WS: Weeeeeeeeeeeell it’s the Wig Show!

VV: Go away. Well, I guess I’ll have to do this bit. I’ll just read Commentator’s lines. That dastardly Wig Show has cleaned house by gawd and has left me incapacitated.

TC: Uhhhh…

VV: Wait, if they knew he was going to get hurt why did they still give him the closing lines of the show?

TC: I need an ambulance.

VV: Whatever, this utter carnage brings BOB is Boobs to a close. I have been The Commentator along with Veronica Valley and GBH, good afternoon.

TC: Uhhhhhh, ouch.

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