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Brawlers On a Budget > Episodes > In Your Gymnasium

House (Show) Of Blues Tour '09
Big Trees, Nevada, June 5

Sam, Sam The Dancing YamKay Fabe

[Sam, Sam The Dancing Yam is standing with Kay Fabe, backstage at the Generic High School gym in Big Trees, Nevada. Sam’s looking around.]

Kay Fabe: Here I am now, with returning superstar Sam, Sam the Dancing Yam. Sam, what does it feel like to be back in Brawlers on a Budget?

SSTDY: It feels like awesomeness, especially since BOB seems to be moving up in the world. Now the Yam can dance in a decent arena…

Kay Fabe: And what brings you back to the sport of professional wrestling?

SSTDY: That’s an easy question to answer, my hunka, hunka burning love. You see, unfortunately for this damn dancing Yam, I signed a BOB contract. And that means I’m a member of BOB for life, or until I run out of ideas for longer then six months, whichever comes first. That and I want me some Yam like revenge.

Kay Fabe: Against who?

SSTDY: Those sorry Yam peoples who screwed me in my last match. They screwed me out of a perfectly good title, and now I’m back, I shall have my yammy revenge. So put that in your pipe and smoke it like a Yam…

Kay Fabe: You certainly sound like a determined Yam. What’s with the sudden change in attitude?

SSTDY: Just trying to get back into character… Oops, I mean I’m just getting my groove, like Stella, in that movie, starring no one our audience has ever heard of.

Kay Fabe: Then let me be the first to welcome you back to BOB, and may your stay be long and prosperous.

SSTDY: And with that being said, it’s party time…

[The camera zooms out as Sam presses play on a tape player and starts disco dancing to a MC Hammer song, as Kay Fabe joins him…]

Loss-of-Control Center, Part 1

StylesScotty Whatbody

[Cut to Mikey Styles and Scotty Whatbody at the BOB Loss-of-Control Center, a.k.a., Styles' basement. They are seated at a wood folding table and one script they're sharing. A television behind them features some action from a different wrestling federation.]

Styles: Hello Brawlers On a Budget fans! Welcome to the first "Webisode" of In Your Gymnasium. And what an event last week, Scotty in Blackjack, Nevada!

SW: There was an event last week? Ohhhh, right. You mean the one we advertised as being in a place that doesn't exist? That genius Steve Leary didn't realize there is no Blackjack, Nevada. That show was actually in Big Trees, Nevada, and our retarded bookers didn't realize Blackjack doesn't exist or catch the error. What did we have, seven people show up?

Styles: Yes, and it was great. So great, in fact, that people should rush out and buy tickets to see BOB tonight in Searchlight, Nevada!

SW: In THIS economy? Are you high? And does Searchlight, Nevada even exist?

Styles: We can pray. *Sigh* Well, fans, on June 5, BOB rolled into Big Trees, Nevada, and put on eight more-or-less adequate wrestling matches. Let's go right to the highlights, as Sam, Sam the Dancing Yam squared off against BOB newcomer, Da Roc. Scotty, what do you know about Da Roc?

SW: He sucks?

Styles: Obviously you know nothing! He isn't even a he!

SW: He's a she? I would've never known!

Styles: He's not a she either. He's an it.

SW: Well, maybe I'd know that if Da Roc had cut a promo.

Styles: Nevertheless, it was a clash of epic proportions…

[Cut to a shot of a petrified rock laying on the mat. Sam puts a foot on it. Vicky Jean counts to three.]

SW: Epic fail proportions.

Harvey on BOB

Harvey the Hardcore Hippo

[A hippo towers over us. (Well, actually it is a man in a hippo mascot costume but why quibble over petty details.) He's wearing an oversized grass skirt and a likewise oversized shell and bead necklace. (Remember, he's wearing a costume so any accessories must be oversized to look right ... got it? ... Good.) And speaking of oversized, the cheap cigar he is smoking looks massive. From out of nowhere we hear a voice. A particularly polished and aristocratic voice. With a British accent.]

Announcer: This is Harvey the Hardcore Hippo.

[Reaching up with one hand (Paw? Hoof? Oven Mit? Whatever) Harvey takes the stogie out of his mouth. He waves at us with his other hand.]

Hippo: Hello Kiddies!!

[The scene expands outward and we find that Harvey is standing in the middle of a wrestling ring. The apron around the ring bears the BOB logo on it.]

Announcer: This is Brawlers On a Budget.

[Harvey takes a few steps to one side and rebounds off of the ropes then procedes to bounce back and forth from one set of ropes to another. This continues for several moments before the Hardcore Hippo changes his angle and takes a flying leap toward us.]

Announcer: And THIS ... is Harvey on BOB.

[Our view swerves to the side as the massive blob of blue/gray flattens us to the matt. As we struggle to free ourselves the last thing we see is a slightly balding man in a tweed jacket holding a microphone.]

Announcer: … Any Questions?

[Fade to black.]

Loss-of-Control Center, Part 2

StylesScotty Whatbody

[Back to the BOB Loss-of-Control Center.]

SW: Um, yeah. By "BOB" he does mean Brawlers On a Budget, not a little kid, right?

Styles: Scotty! He just joined us and you're already implying he's going to show up on "To Catch A Predator"?

SW: Well, yeah. I'm a heel. Welcome to BOB, Harvey.

Styles: Harvey made his debut, taking on Snapmare Kid.

[Cut to a shot of Snapmare Kid looking for a snapmare, but finding trouble.]

Styles: This was how it ended, as Harvey countered SMK's snapmare with The Hungry, Hungry Hippo, which is a reverse Indian death lock leg lock with chin lock and, well, biting. SMK had no choice but to tap out.

SW: Should've known Triple H wouldn't job.

Styles: Actually, he goes by H3.

SW: Yeah. It was just great. I remember it like I was told I remember it like it was yesterday.

Styles: You are so bitter.

SW: I need to be back on TV. This Webisode stuff is really weak.

Styles: Speaking of weak, XXXtreme Machine was in action, taking on Kurt Angel, in a clash between two former ONLY WORLD CHAMPIONS THAT MATTER.

SW: A no contest? What the fuck happened?

Styles: Let's go to the videotape!

SW: Why did I ask.

[Cut to a shot of XXXtreme Machine digging in his ripped up jeans.]

SW: Powder to the eyes?

Styles: Oh no. Much worse.

[XXXtreme Machine blows something into Kurt's eyes.]

SW: Seriously? Wait, what is that?

Styles: *Ahem* Dust bunnies.

SW: Dust bunnes? Are you FUCKING kidding me? He got DQ'd for that?

Styles: Well, actually, before Vicky Jean could DQ XXXtreme Machine, a blinded Kurt Angel grabbed Vicky and nailed her with Angel's Wings.

SW: … So, while blind, Kurt couldn't tell the difference between XXXtreme Machine and a smoking hot blonde chick? Remind me never to go any strip clubs with him.

Styles: UP next, Jerri Li was set to defend the Not Good Enough To Fight Alone Tag Team Titles solo against the Human Foreign Object and Steel Chair.

[Cut to a shot of Jerri catching a flying Steel Chair. She bashes Human Foreign Object in the skull with it. And again. And again. And again. And again.]

Styles: Eventually, Jerri tired herself out and pinned HFO to successfully retain the titles. Wonder if she'll ever find a tag partner.

SW: Let me look into my crystal ball. Um, yeah. I see…mmmm…hot Asians. *Drools*

Styles: Axl was also in action, taking on "XFactor" Pete Trable in a non-title match.

SW: Let's go to the video!

Caption: Footage Redacted!

SW: The hell?

Styles: Axl must've done something to piss off the bookers.

SW: You don't need to be a time traveling psychic to know that.

Reach out and Touch Someone, Part 2

[Camera up on a dark room. The camera pans on a telephone sitting on a stand in the middle of the room next to a recliner. The camera catches a cat's paw reaching for a remote control. The paw touches a button and the fireplace is ablaze with a flame. Another paw begins to dial a long distance number. As the phone rings, the camera changes to a ringing phone in a den. A female hand comes into the shot and picks up the receiver.]

Female voice: Hello?

Cat: Meow.

Female voice: Hold on one second.

Cat: Meow.

Male voice: Is the phone for me? I've been expecting a call all day.

Female voice: It's not for you.

Male voice: Well don't be on too long, I'm expecting a phone call sometime this month, and you need to make dinner.

Female voice: I will in one second.

Male voice: And don't you think that you will be eating any of this food. My unemployment check goes for my food, you have to get the other stuff with your check.

Cat: Meow.

Female voice: I know, but this is not the man I married.

[There is a sound of a cookie jar breaking.]

Male voice: That is coming out of your allowance and you have five seconds to pick up those cookies or I'm not eating any of them.

Cat: Meow.

Female voice: Oh there weren't any cookies in there, I'm still baking them.

[A child's footsteps are heard coming toward the den.]

Female voice: It's for you sweetie.

Child's voice: Hello?

Cat: Meow.

Child's voice: What?!?

Cat: Meow

Child's voice: Oh it's you. How did you get this number?

Cat: Meow.

Child's voice: That sorry summabitch. What do you want?

Cat: Meow.

Child's voice: It's about damn time. I had to buy a bigger Big Wheel and those things are expensive.

Cat: Meow.

Child's You're damn right I'm gettin' paid. Let me grab my gear and I'll be there by morning.

Male voice: Are you still on the phone?!? I'm expecting a very important phone call some time in the next century. So you need to get off the phone.

[There is a sound of child's footsteps heading into another room. There is the sound of a loud thud followed by more footsteps.]

Child's voice: Sorry, I had to go lay that sorry summabitch out. Mom, can you clean up the douche all over the living room floor.

Female voice: Where did you learn that word?!? Where did that word come from?!?

Child's voice: I learned it from watching you alright.

Cat: Meow.

Child's voice: I'm grabbing my duffel bag and hitting the road on my Big Wheel.

Cat: Meow.

Child's voice: You too cat, you too.

[The two phones are hung up as the camera cuts back to the cat on the recliner. The cat puts it's paw on a bell and a butler comes in.]

Butler: Yes.

Cat: Meow.

Butler: Right away.

[The screen goes dark.]

Caption: To Be Continued...


June 12: Searchlight, Nevada
June 19: Jackpot, Nevada
June 26: Duckwater, Nevada

Loss-of-Control Center, Part 3

StylesScotty Whatbody

[Back to the BOB Loss-of-Control Center.]

SW: Worst kept secret in wrestling hist–

Styles: WELCOME BACK! Those lucky half-dozen fans or so also saw Pigeon take on the number one contender for the ONLY WORLD TITLE THAT MATTERS, of course, I mean The Great.

[Cut to a shot of The Great hitting the Twist of Great on Pigeon and getting the pin.]

SW: Wow, that highlight was almost as imaginative as The Great and Pigeon's promos combined!

Styles: Oh, well, please don't let me keep you from your unemployment.

SW: What did I say?

Styles: Death. Hamster Girl. These two rivals met once again.

SW: That's the problem with such a tiny penis. ROSTER! Why did I say penis?

[Cut to a shot of Death hitting the Netherworld powerbomb on Hamster Girl for the three count.]

Styles: And finally, BOB begins its quest to crown another ONLY WORLD CHAMPION THAT MATTERS. Dr. Silaconne M. Plants, the last living champion, and Kobe Gyant was the number one contender before the OWTTM situation went EXTREMEly bloody and death-filled. As usual, these two rocked the house.

[Cut to clips of SMP and Kobe brawling on the floor; SMP with a camel clutch; Kobe Slam Dunking SMP; SMP avoiding a Shooting All-Star Press; SMP hitting the Nipple Cutter; and then Kobe backdropping SMP out of the Med Degree and holding on for the pin.]

Styles: So, Kobe takes the 1-0 lead in this best-of-seven series.

SW: For some reason, I'm figuring Kobe in five. It's Lakers-Magic all over again.

Styles: Well fans, it's been another abbreviated day of action. Thanks for joining us. And OH MY GOD, come and see us live, as the House (Show) of Blues Tour rolls on!

Reach out and Touch Someone, Part 3

[Camera up on a dark room. The camera pans on a telephone sitting on a stand in the middle of the room next to a recliner with a fire in the fireplace. The camera catches a cat licking itself. The cat hisses at the camera and then begins to dial a long distance number. As the phone rings, the camera changes to a ringing phone on a movie set.]

Effeminate voice: Hello?

Cat: Meow, meow.

Effeminate voice: No, this is her assistant. She’s kind of in the middle of something.

Cat: Meow.

Effeminate voice: She’s shooting right now. It’s a beautiful piece about vampires and love.

Cat: Meow, meow.

Effeminate voice: No, not “New Moon”. Its “Twat-light: Full Moon.”

Cat: Meow.

Effeminate voice: Ok, I’ll go get her.

[Sounds of grunts and moans and other types of women’s tennis sounds. Footsteps are heard as a woman comes to the phone.]

Female voice: Hello?

Cat: Meow.

Female: Oh my God, how are you?

Cat: Meow.

Female voice: That’s fantastic. Things are great here too. They are really going big budget on these films now. I’m really excited.

Cat: Meow.

Female voice: Comeback? Really?

Cat: Meow, meow.

Female voice: But, I’m doing so well here. I don’t know if I want to make a comeback.

Cat: Meow.

Female voice: Both? Could I possibly do both? I don’t think I’ve been that flexible since “He’s Just Railing Into You.”

[Cat begins to lick itself feverishly]

Female voice: Hello? Are you still there?

Cat: Meow.

Female voice: Well if you can get the Big Guy, I’m in.

Cat: Meow, meow.

Female voice: Make sure you call him and then text me.

Cat: Meow.

Female voice: I’ll see you soon too.

[The two phones are hung up as the camera cuts back to the cat on the recliner. The cat begins to paw through a little black book. The screen goes dark.]

Caption: To Be Continued...

©2009 BOB Wrestling!

Brawlers On A Budget

In Your Gymnasium

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