March April May June JULY Mayhem continues
The I Don't Give A Fuck Anymore version
OOC Note: Hey guyz, I haff 2 much homework. Sumner school suks. I dnt no y i haff 2 b heer, butt i am. So hear r the quic rezults.
/END OOC NOTE.
In Indianapolis, Styles and Shill made the call as Death took on BOB legend (of sorts) douja. It was a very short match as Death dropped a doobie on the mat, and when douja went to pick it up, Death hit the Touch of Death and won. Styles called it the GREATEST SWERVE IN THE HISTORY OF MARCH MAYHEM 2003. They sent the show to the South and Spokane. Funny, I thought Spokane was north? Ah well, you're right, this isn't a geometry class, this is BOB.
The Commentator and Nurse Heidi had the call, but the Commentator had to depart to fight the evil smiley, Spaceduck. He was ready to fight and continue the minor feud they had going as a result of the tag team titles Commentator and Mr. Intensity lost to Festering Death.
What's that? Coma was Mr. Intensity's partner? Sleazy-C was actually The Commentators partner. Does it look like I give a shit here? It's fucking JUNE! Hehehe.
Nurse Heidi: Err... Commentator, are you SURE it's a good idea for you to go into this match? I mean, it IS Spaceduck, and I think he'll rape your corpse if you don't win here tonight.
[No, actually, it's Spacecop who rapes the corpses. Spaceduck just kills people.]
Heidi: And how is THAT supposed to make us feel better?
[It isn't. I'm the heel, remember?]
Commentator: Well, Heidi, as I stand here in the middle of the squared circle, I know that I will be involved in a high-paced contest where I expect my educated feet to prevail over that hoss, Spaceduck.
=<>: HEY, CHUCKLES, WHAT IN THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? YOUR FEET PROBABLY FAILED HIGH SCHOOL, AND IF YOU THINK THAT I'M A HOSS, THEN I'M GOING TO KILL YOU SLOWLY AND PAINFULLY.
[And then the bell rang, because I, as well as many, want to hear that motherfucker, Commentator, get out of THIS one.]
Commentator: And once again, I use my educated feet to get the better of Spaceduck, as I become quicker than a hiccup.
=<>: MY GRANDMA, SPACEEDNA, HAS HICCUPS THAT LAST FOR AN HOUR. YOU'RE NOT THAT MUCH QUICKER THAN HER HICCUPS, MOTHERFUCKER.
Commentator: OH! MY GAWD! MY GAWD! HELLFIRE AND BRIMSTONE!
Heidi: Just to clarify... yes, the joke continues and the Commentator's cowboy hat has now been engulfed in flames.
=<>: THE WONDERFUL THINGS A SMILEY CAN DO WITH A LIGHTER AND A CAN OF HAIR SPRAY.
Commentator: As I dance the dance dance on my hat, I have to realize that Spaceduck is a spitfire and he's not quick, he's sudden.
=<>: YOU'RE NOT QUICK, EITHER. YOU'RE DEAD MOTHERFUCKER.
Commentator: I'm... running away... like a pet coon... with what appears to be a large... knife... in my gut... oh my god... HELL FIRE AND BRIM---
Heidi: Aw, no. Commentator's dead. At least for a small period of time whereupon the continuity of this show will inevitably involve Commentator doing commentary after this match, unless the person putting this show together happens to make this the last segment just to make this entire little rant I'm making sound foolish.
=<>: SO, I GUESS THAT MEANS I WIN, HUH? HEY, SPACECOP, WHERE ARE YOU? THERE'S CORPSE RAPING TO BE DONE HERE.
[The TinyTron turns on and we see Spacecop, armed with a machete that's about twenty times bigger than he is, and he's chasing around Iraqis and Americans alike while randomly swinging around said machete.]
=C]: COME BACK HERE, MOTHERFUCKERS!
[Cut back to Spaceduck, who had just finished pinning the Commentator's body.]
=<>: MAN, SPACECOP MAKES ALL OF THE FUN.
Crap, I forgot that match was there. Well, good. OK, let's go to Indianapolis, with Mike and Scotty. Well, we can't, since I'm not writing the match, but it was time for Steve Studnuts to take on Mr. X. Needless to say, the entire crowd laughed as Mr. X pinned Studnuts after pistol-whipping him. And I'm talking with a gun, not with some sort of private part. Though, that MIGHT have been funnier. Studs defeated with his own penis. Ah well. Too bad, I'm not editing this paragraph. Homework, remember?
Yes, I'm 25 and am not really in school. What's your point?
So now, we headed East, at least theoretically, to Oklahoma City, where Tom and Crow, the bots, had the call. They cheered on the Sports Entertainment Icon, who was battling Violent Pacifist. The iAd and Three Guys yet again clashed. But this time, it was Trey Vincent coming out on top after a ref bump and a joust between Mr. Baseball Bat and Mr. Vincent's Baseball Bat. Trey advances.
Now, one of the most anticipated matches of this round. Coma fighting his friend, the Are You Out of Your Frickin' Mind Hardcore Title Belt. Styles and Shill watched in horror as Coma picked up the AYOOYFM Title Belt for a slam, and the belt countered, falling down on Coma. But the referee saw the belt using its straps on the middle rope for leverage and the match continued. Coma whipped the belt into the ropes, but it held on. Coma charged and clotheslined himself on the top rope. The belt covered! And wins. AYOOYFM belt advances. It was HARDCORE!
Back to Spokane. Mike and Scotty saw StreetMime II take on DMD. DMD tied StreetMime II to the middle ring rope with an invisible chain. He then grabbed a dentist drill and approached StreetMime. He tapped out before DMD was within five feet of him.
Styles and Shill then saw Wolfenator and his piped in heel heat take on Khan. Khan beat the kid around for a little bit, hitting all his big power moves, before eventually pinning him. Snoozer. Oklahoma City wasn't happy.
And the main event of the show. Luke Warm. Kamikazie Ken. Two of the greatest in parody e-wrestling. Luke Warm, the mystery participant BigBOSS signed into the tourney, hoping for some major upsets. It was a good idea, but Ken would not be vanquished this night.
Started with brawling in the ring. Then some brawling on the floor. Then some brawling in the audience. Then some brawling in the backstage area. Then some brawling in a hallway. Then some brawling at the entryway. Then some brawling in the aisle. Then some brawling around ringside. Then some brawling in the ring. Ken with a STONECUTTER! One, two, no! Warm kicks out. Warm STONECUTTERS Ken. Looking to steal one of Ken's moves, Luke Warm runs backstage. Five minutes later, up in the rafters, we see Warm!
780 Luke-Ton Bomb!
Ring collapsed. And, no, unlike those other feds, this wasn't supposed to happen.
Styles: OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! LUKE WARM IS DEAD! THE RING IS DESTROYED! OH MY GOD!
Shill: THAT WAS THE GREATEST MISS IN BOB HISTORY!
Biggest recorded pop in Salt Lake City, Utah, history. Bigger even than those NBA wins.
Ken covered Warm. One, two three.
Credits. Go read something else.
© 2003 BOB Wrestling. No, I'm, not sorry.