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BOB March Mayhem 2003 Logo

March April May June JULY Mayhem continues
The I Don't Give A Fuck Anymore version

OK, we have a couple matches and a lot of roundup stuff. So lets just get this over with. No OOC silly notes, just this. Ready?

In the UPSET of all upsets in the Midwest. We go to Mike Monroe and Scotty Whatbody. The OWCTM, Hardcore JJ took on Mr. X. And LOST! Granted, he suffered a big concussion but it was worth it. JJ attacked before the bell, hitting Mr. X with high-chairs and bells and little-tables. He tossed him inside, but Mr. X was so exhausted and beaten than when JJ had him ready for the JJ DROP, Mr. X fell down like a tree, pinning JJ beneath. He couldn't push his way free. Mr. X advances to the shock of everyone.

In the West, Khan was ready to take on the Are You Out Of Your Frickin' Mind Hardcore Title Belt. Backstage, The Three Guys, Jim and Brandon were all chatting with the Belt, when all of a sudden, they heard a noise outside. They tried to open the door. Then Brandon pointed out Hungalot should try pulling it instead of pushing it. Everyone laughed. Then the door opened. Outside was a gigantic tank driven by Death. Unfortunately, the gun end was pointing the wrong way. But still it blocked them in. The Belt is counted out. Khan advances. This is getting testy now.

Trey Vincent. BVD. You'd expect Vincent to win, but, BVD was ready to pull an upset. Tom and Crow laughed on as Vincent dominated early on, hitting all his moves, punches, kicks, that sort of stuff. But BVD came back and started hitting some moves. BVD locked on the Seven Day Itch. Vincent powerbombed him. BVD wouldn't let go. Afraid of being labeled a faggot for having his face in between BVD's legs for so long, Vincent tapped out. And then ran away, spitting. He ran to a shower and was heard mumbling, "can't, get, clean."

Commentator and Heidi has the South finals of Detached Narrator against Nixon. The hell? How is HE still in this thing? The hell? The last show says Brandon won. Well, due to mass confusion on the part of everybody, Detached Narrator advances against somebody. Crowd angry.

Time for the UnFOURtunate Four. The announcers combined here, Putting, Mike Monroe, Scotty Whatbody, Styles and Mark Shill together. Khan took on Mr. X. Mr. X started shooting at Khan, but he bent backward while standing and started moving his arms, totally "Matrix" style. When Mr. X was out of guns, Mr. X charged at him but Khan blocked every punch and kick, eventually grabbing X by the throat and chokeslamming him. Pin. The fans were going crazy. At least the ones who weren't hit by stray bullets. They were taken out.

Then it was time for BVD vs. Detached Narrator. Here's most of the match. Just make up your own intros and trash talking. Then the Harbingers of Weed come out wielding plastic retractable knives and ketchup bottles. They have Kay Fabe.

Tom: OH MY GOD! Detached Narrator was behind Kay Fabe's kidnapping! It's the Harbingers of Weed again. They have been nothing but trouble. What is behind this plot?

Crow: This is great!

Commentator: Knocker slobber! Kidnapping! Barbecue sauce! Folks, I'm speechless.

Nurse Heidi: What is he doing? NO WAY! This isn't RIGHT!

[I'm on top of BVD for the pin.]

Generic Ref: You are?

[Yes, I'll count for you.]

[Generic Ref: ONE! TWO! THREE!]

Crow: Oh my GOD! Detached Narrator just pinned BVD!

NH: That's IMPOSSIBLE! Texas didn't beat Syracuse!

[What's that Heidi? Did I mishear you? For you see, I have Kay Fabe here, she alone must protect the world between the real and the script. And Kay, if you ever want to see your friends again, you'll tell everybody what I want to hear.]

Kay Fabe: Detached Narrator…beat BVD fair and square.

[Bell rings. Bite me.]

Crow: If you're seeing stuff that breaks every rule for the sake of stupidity, you're watching BOB.

[What basketball tournament?]

And finally, the Booking Control Finals!! Here are all eight commentators...Khan vs. Detached Narrator for the big prize.

Mike Monotone: I don't believe what I'm seeing here.

Scotty Whatbody: Gasoline is raining down into the entire arena. The fans have all been transported into a nearby church.

Commentator: Khan is locked in a cage that appeared out of nowhere!

NH: He's trapped and he's covered in gasoline. Dear lord, don't burn him! We'll be forced into inferno matches!

Lawyer for the WWE: I'm sorry Nurse Heidi, you'll have to come with me.

NH: I'll never be able to afford bail.

Tom: HEY!

[THUD!]

Crow: Hey! You can't use Tom as a weapon to hit lawyers.

Commentator: All the combustible elements are here.

Mark Shill: Except for a MATCH. Or a LIGHTER!

SW: I should have brought hamburger rolls. When I smell that cooked meat, I'm gonna be hungry.

NH: How can you joke about cannibalism?

[Enough chatter. Shut up. It's time to show everyone how I do business.]

[A minute passes. Khan tips over in the ring.]

Styles: Well that was a bit of a letdown.

[It's time for the cover! ONE! TWO! THREE! I win. Where's Kay Fabe. Let me just snap my fingers. Ah there you are in the cage with Khan. Kay, did I legitimately beat Khan?]

KF: Yes. With the intestinal fortitude, you beat the biggest dog in the yard. Go you.

[I am your new BOOKER! BigBOSS, get your crusty ass out of my way! Ah, let's have some streamers fall from the ceiling. And balloons. And a few brackets. Ah yes, this is fun. Alright, fans, this has been March Mayhem. Prepare for all your worst nightmares to come true.]

Commentator: (Shocked voice) No. Ohmygod no.


© 2003 BOB Wrestling. No, I'm, not sorry.

 

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