Brawlers On a Budget > Episodes > 2002 > Monday Morning Mayhem 18
Luke Warm vs. The Undietaker
MM: Well I'll be damned. Luke Warm is already in the ring!
SW: Uh oh. I smell a squash. But on Luke Warm? No way. He's a legend here. He'd never get squashed.
GBH: Squash. Hur hur.
MM: It appears the writing's on the wall.
[Camera goes to a wall backstage. It reads: Luke Warm is gonna get squashed tonight.]
SW: Right you are. Oh well.
[Eddie B. cranks up "Undies" by Limp Bizkit, which brings out, the Undietaker!]
MM: He's here!
SW: Gee, where's his motorcycle? If he peeled out, he could leave a skidmark! Bwahahaha.
MM: You're a laugh riot.
MA: The following match is the "main event" of this "television show." Introducing first, coming to the ring, accompanied by his handis, Khan and Randy, this is the….UNDIE-taker. And his opponent is already in the ring, foreshadowing defeat, aka, the jobber treatment, he is LUKE, WARM!!
[Crowd pops like trained monkeys. OOK OOK!]
[Mike, Scotty and GBH look around to see if anybody else is about ready to take a dive. As they are doing so, "Creepy pipe organ music with some keyboard action" begins to play.
SW: Oh no!
MM: Oh yes! That can only mean one thing! The REAL Undietaker is HERE!
SW: No. Isn't this the music of "The Real" Undietaker?
MM: Well, I'm not sure. Our Web site lists this music as the REAL theme music of the REAL Undietaker!
SW: Yeah, but your REAL Undietaker didn't promo and "The Real" Undietaker did promo! So which one promoed?
GBH: Dur. Whaaa?
MM: Look! It's a GIANT APPLE.
SW: A what?
MM: A man in a giant apple suit is walking down the aisle. And here come GIANT GRAPES!
SW: And a giant orange? What is this? Revenge of the Fruit of the Looms?
MM: And here comes a banana! Wow! I've never seen such a big banana in my life!
[Backstage.]
Sarah: Neither have I. Humina, humina, humina.
[Back to ring.]
MM: It's the UNDIETAKER!
SW: But which one is it? Which one!
MM: What a spectacular entrance. That's pay-per-view worthy!
GBH: 'Kay.
SW: Bwahaha ha. Classic, GBH, classic.
GBH: Yur. Classix. Me host. Duh.
MM: No time for cheap plugs, both Undietakers are face to face. And Luke Warm is watching this all, not really giving a damn since he's not involved!
Undietaker 2: I am "THE REAL" UNDIETAKER!
Undietaker 1: No, I am THE REAL UNDIETAKER. I don't need your little quotes to prove it either.
U2: You best not still be in my lawn.
U1: This is my lawn and my ring. I am the man who should beat Luke Warm since he didn't promo.
U2: No, I am the man who should beat Luke Warm since he didn't promo.
[Kay Fabe runs out.]
KF: Kay Fabe says THIS dialogue did NOT just happen! You have to win the match based on ABILITY. OK, well, ability is TOO strong of a word for all the rooody poo candy asses here. Promos don't matter. Just look at how empty the Rant Zone is all the time! If ya smelllllllllllllllll, what the lesbian…….is cooking.
SW: And there she goes.
[Luke Warm grabs the mic.]
LW: You know what?
Crowd: What?
LW: Screw this! I don't like the direction this match is going in. I'm gonna go home and beat my wife!
MM: And with that, Luke Warm is rolling out of the ring and leaving! He's walked out on BOB! My heart is breaking with every step he takes!
SW: So, the Undietaker won. But which one won?
MM: I don't know. I'm too broken up about Luke Warm leaving BOB.
[Camera cuts backstage.]
Little Good: You're broken up? I can't even get a bleedin' match in this pisshole.
[Death walks into the room.]
LG: Let me guess. NAGAM. You, me, a match, huh? Is that how it's gonna be?
Death: Was it that obvious?
LG: A little bit, yeah. The whole, timing thing and all. Death match?
Death: Well, yeah. Every match I'm in is a Death match.
LG: Yeah. Guess so. Right. Well. Bugger off then.
[Back to ring.]
[The lights go out.]
GBH: Ahh!
SW: Get off my lap! Mmmmpphhhhm. Mpppppffffhhhh.
MM: What's going on over there?
SW: Mmmpphfffhhhhhh!
[There are two bangs in the ring, as if two people fell down. Then the lights come back on.]
MM: Both Undietakers are down! And, what's this! There's a third man in the ring. Once my eyes adjust to this harsh light, my excitement no doubt will be off the charts.
SW: You ever tell anyone what happened just now.
GBH: Dur. Our little secret. Hee hee.
MM: Hey! It's BVD! BVD has taken out the Undietakers!
SW: Who the hell is BVD?
Crowd: BVD! BVD! BVD!
MM: Apparently, he is some sort of local independent favorite here. Not to be confused with RVD.
SW: No, of COURSE not.
GBH: GBH!
[BVD has a microphone.]
BVD: So you two guys like stealing undies, huh? Well BVD 9:56 says it's time to take a sh**!
[Crowd pops! BVD leaves, presumably, to go, do, what, he said he has to do.]
Crowd: BVD! BVD!
["Her Strut" by Bob Seger plays.]
MM: Fans, we're out of time, and I'm sure you're out of patience. For Scotty Whatbody and GBH, I'm Mike Monroe, from the last ever Monday Morning Mayhem. So long everyone!
© 2002 BOB Wrestling! Do you sense the most f*cked up bra and panties match ever? |
