MONDAY MORNING MAYHEM 5!
NEW ANGLES, OLD JOKES!
(Outside of "The Building for Small Wrestling Shows" in Lizard Lips, Kentucky. BOB trying to use what little money they did get from Title-Palooza to travel and spread their name. The Nurse Heidi/XXXtreme PPV replay did better than expected. Besides, if it has to do with wrestling, Kentuckians will probably watch.)
MM: Welcome everybody to yet another exciting edition of Monday Morning Mayhem! I'm Mike "The Monotone" Monroe and this is Scotty...
SW: Exciting...and is it even Monday?
MM: Can it, Scotty. You keep saying things like THAT and the fans will never stop turning the channel.
SW: Fans? The wrestlers don't even keep the channel here, no one even does promos or interviews anymore.
MM: Good point. We have a spectacular card lined up tonight here in Lizard Lips! "Cap" Al Larrie of "The Universal Donors" takes on Goffer. Xenomorph battles a Mystery Opponent. We have a Hardcore Foodfight for the "AYOOYFM" Hardcore Title between G.I. Slow, Birdboy, and the champion Premslwvk. Viet Kong tries to regain his Swiss Army Title from Homicidal Hank in the main event!
SW: Food fight? Where are we getting the food? We had to sell our monitors just to get a bell for crying out loud.
MM: G.I. Slow was kind enough to bring us his own private stash, should be a good one. Hey, Scuzz is in the ring, let's go to our first match. Good thing we're closer to the ring this week.
SW: If you say so.
MM: I do.
Scuzz: Ladies an' gentlemen, Our firs match..."CAP" AL LARRIE!
SW: Good grief, Scuzz STINKS! Why can't I do introductions?
(Al Larrie comes to the ring with "Bloody" Mary to Slayer's "Spill The Blood". Al has a sponge, Mary carries a goblet. Boos from the crowd simply because of the death metal intro music. Hey, it's Kentucky.)
MM: These two are really strange. Oh yeah, BUY FULL COURT PRESS!
SW: Nice PPV lead-in, Mike. By the way, where's GBH? And you didn't answer me about introductions.
MM: GBH is running late, and I was ignoring the introductions thing on purpose.
Scuzz: An' introducin' his opponent...GOFFER!
(Goffer quickly runs to the ring with both hands on his tanuki cap, trying to avoid those adoring women who love little cute animal hats, and the animal rights activist who don't. Cheers from the ladies, boos from jealous boyfriends and husbands, down right jeers from the activists.)
SW: GBH is here, I'll be right back.
MM: You can't leave. DON'T LEAVE ME TO DO COMMENTARY ALONE WITH GBH! SCOTTY! GET BACK HERE!
GBH: Hi, Mike. Duh. Fight.
MM: CRAP! Goffer starts things out with a series of martial arts shots to Al's sternum. Whip to the ropes. SPINNING G-O DOUBLE F-ER HEEL KICK!
GBH: Heee. Square ring. Kick. Nice.
MM: Larrie goes down hard. Nice input, GBH. LORD HELP ME! Goffer assists Al to his feet by his hair. Al with a knee to Goffer's breadasket, and throws him out of the ring. "Bloody" Mary outside, looking suspicious. OHHHHHHH! She just nailed Goffer with her goblet!
GBH: Nail with goblet. Kinky. Duh.
MM: OKAY! THAT'S IT! I'm unplugging your microphone. Goffer apears to be busted open, I can't tell from here and I don't have a monitor. Goffer slowly makes his way back into the ring by rolling under the bottom rope, Al starts stomping away at him. Lifts him, and tosses him into the turnbuckle. Al tearing away at Goffer's forehead, trying to get that blood flowing and he's really did a number on Goffer's Fonzie Inferno hairdo.
SW: Did I miss anything, Mike?
MM: THANK GOD, you're back, Scotty. Where'd you go?
SW: Nowhere. Uhhh. Nothing.
MM: You sound like GBH, what are you up to?
SW: Seriously, I wasn't 'up to' anything.
(Shot of Scuzz leaving the building with a ticket to "The Lizard Lips' Annual Arachnid Calling Contest.")
SW: Goffer is bleeding? This is our first match? Wow!
GBH: Sticky red. Gooey.
MM: Just ignore him, Scotty. Maybe he'll go away. Goffer mounting a comeback. Tries to get to his feet. Al rakes Goffer's E-Y NOTTHA E-S'ES. Irish whip... Goffer ducks Al's clothesline attempt...they turn and face each other. Goffer puts his left foot on Al's left knee, elevates off the knee and front sweeps Larrie in the temple with his right foot! Al goes down! Quick cover, 1...2...th....NO! Al manages to get a shoulder up. "Bloody" Mary is on the apron...DROPKICK WITH A BACKFLIP BY GOFFER! Martial arts, accept no substitute! GO GO GOFFER PUNCH TO LARRIE! GO GO GOFFER KICK!
SW: Da da da-da duh...INSPECTOR GOFFER! Da da da-da DAH, WHOO HOO! Da da da-da duh...INSPECTOR GOFFER....GO GOFFER GO! Hey, maybe that could be his new gimmick, better than another bad accent.
MM: Will you stop that? And how do YOU know that song?
SW: I have nephews.
MM: You don't even have siblings.
GBH: Baby. offspring. Ehh.
SW: Oh. Hey, Goffer landed on his feet after the backflip. Pays to be a little guy. Here comes Art Teery! He's in the ring...chases Goffer. Goffer runs to the ropes and jumps on the middle strand... SPRINGBOARD MOONSAULT VERTICAL PRESS ONTO ART TEERY! But wait, Al just nailed Goffer as he tried to get up. Art recovers. Both are now beating Goffer...
GBH: Him need. Help.
SW: USE HAMSTER STYLE! USE YOUR HAMSTER STYLE! Oh, sorry.
MM: You've been watching Orgazmo again, haven't you? What'd I tell you about watching movies before calling matches? Generic ref calling for the bell, I think Al has been disqualified. Let's get the official decision from Scuzz. Hey, where IS Scuzz?
SW: I dunno.
MM: That monitor sure would be handy right now. Goffer has retreated to the back to fight another day. Al Larrie has indeed been disqualified. Can we get somebody to clean up the blood in the ring before the next match?
Art Teery: Don't worry, man...we'll get it. Al, get the cooler, will ya?
MM: All rightie then. While "The Donors" wipe the ring with their sponges, let's go to a commercial...
It's FULL COURT PRESS! Only on BOB PPV! Don't let the shot clock run out on you, don't carry the ball or travel. Hit the game winning three and ORDER TODAY!
SW: Ooooh, THAT'S a good one. GBH doing our commercials, too?
MM: You better not let the BigBOSS hear you say that.
SW: I'm SO scared. Besides, he's not even here. I heard he got jailed after trying to crash the NE Awards Show over in the STWF.
MM: Really? Well, it's time for our next match, and Scuzz still isn't here.
SW: I'll do it!
MM: Hey, where'd you get those intro cards?
SW: Traded for 'em. Be right back...
MM: Traded what? What the?
SW: *AHEM* Ladies and Gentlemen of Lizard Lips, Kentucky. The next event of the evening is for one fall. The first guy is a jobber, so who cares about his stats? Hey everyone...IT'S XENOMORPH!
(Xenomorph comes to the ring to the techno enhanced "Star Trek-The Next Generation" theme. Removes a pair of pointed ears from his own, courtesy of his legendary Mr. Spock collection. Strangely, gets some cheers...but only for the ears.)
SW: His opponent...who the hell is Tostin Showers?
(Scotty leaves the ring. Nobody comes out from behind the bug net entrance way. The Flunkie runs out and whispers to Scotty as he sits back down beside Mike.)
SW: It appears this Tostin guy got his chest hair caught in the automatic hand dryer in the bathroom. Damn intake valve. What now, Mike? Hey, who is THAT?
GBH: Cowboy. Big.
MM: Cranial chair shots should be outlawed. Really.
(A large man appears from the crowd wearing a black cowboy hat with a shamrock on it. His black, sleeveless vest and black chaps are also adorned with clovers. He's also wearing a lime green pair of cowboy boots, modified for wrestling...no boot heels, just flat soles.)
SW: Nice handlebar moustache.
MM: THAT'S BLACKJACK HOOLIGAN! THE IRISH COWBOY! THEY DON'T COME ANY MEANER! He's the former 8-time Ireland Heavyweight Champion, 3-time Steer Wrestling and Rodeo Champion, and 14-time Voted Most Likely To Start a Bar Fight!
SW: Calm down, Mike...you're destroying the myth of your nickname.
MM: He's in the ring. AND HE JUST NAILED XENOMORPH. What a meathook! Bodyslam! Picks Xenomorph up...a literal Irish whip into the ropes...and he has him! IT'S THE IRISH NOGGIN' CLAW ! BlackJack squeezing the cardboard and plastic spaceman with all his might with that lime green, fingerless glove on his right hand!
SW: This guy is cool. I really like his colors. But, I'm not too happy about another bad accent.
MM: Shutup, Scotty...this is serious. What is he doing here? Wait...he's coming down here. Xenomorph is unconscious in the ring...
BH: Aye, laaaaaaadie. SO mooch for YA spaaaaaceman. I had BET-ter fights in Doob-lin bars I have.
(Takes a drink of his "Lone Star Irish Lager"(tm))
BH: You BET-ter get that guy some MED-ical attention, laaaadie...his noggin' felt a LIT-tle soft it did. If I DID-n't kno any BET-ter, I'd say his NOO-dle is as squishy as fresh dog poo I would. YIPPEE-KAI-A, Mooooo-DAH FRIGGAS! Aye, I'll be a SEEEEE-in' ya'll aroun' I will.
(He struts out, chugging his brew as an even more than usual stunned crowd looks on.)
MM: GOOD LORD! That's about 6' 6", 320 pounds of lime green redneck right there. I've heard nasty things about him. Whew, things are really looking up for our next Pay-Per-View. Speaking of which, let's go to another promo before our Hardcore Foodfight.
BUY FULL COURT PRESS...OR WE'LL GUT YOU LIKE A FISH!
SW: Now I like that one. Direct. To the point.
MM: Enough, Scotty. Get up there and introduce the next match. Hey, you sure you haven't seen Scuzz?
SW: Nope. Our next match is a triple-threat thingee and it is for the "AYOOYFM" Hardcore Title...
MM: Nope you haven't seen him? Or nope you're not sure?
SW: ...And it's a HARDCORE FOOD FIGHT! First and bringing the food, he's about as fat as you can get and still move, from Twinkie Ville somewhere in the USA, at 6' 5" and a rotund...no...FAT 669 pounds..."The Real American Zero"...G.I. SLOW!
(No surprise here..."EAT IT" by Weird Al Yankovich plays as the sloth-like soldier waddles to the ring pushing a buffet table full of produce and or groceries. Little response from crowd.)
SW: Next, he's 6' 1" and a fraction of Slow's weight at 235... it's a bird, it's a plane, no...it's just a bird...BIRDBOY!
(Lenny Kravitz' "Fly Away" graces the ear drum as Birdboy walks to the ring, applying extra tape to his cheesy, blue clip on wings. Decent pop.)
SW: And finally, The man whose name looks like a bowl full of retarded Alpha Bits(tm)...he's 6' 5" and 278 pounds...formerly from some stupid island called Gyshta, now he lives in a box... the "AYOOYFM" Hardcore champion...PREMSLWVK!
(The Krapterian Nation Anthem plays as Premslwvk comes to the ring...some fans stand and place their hands over their hearts. Hey, we are in Kentucky, after all. Good pop. Scotty takes his seat beside Mike.)
SW: How'd I do with that one?
MM: Your ad-lib is atrocious, I know those intro cards don't say those things.
BGH: Can I...uhhh. Do next intros? Heh.
MM: Hey, here we go! Birdboy and Premslwvk going after the large military man right away, looks like the gameplan is to work together and wear the fatman down early. Birdboy with a knife-edge chop...
MM: Another chop....
MM: Good lord, that's lame! Premslwvk is going to the table early, he has a watermelon!
SW: Oooooh, that's really hardcore.
MM: Hey, it's Slow's own food so we have to live with what he brought. The champ moving in to hit Slow, the gargantuan G.I. gets out of the way and Premslwvk nails Birdboy with the melon. IT'S STUCK ON BIRDBOY'S HEAD!
SW: I see Birdboy at a disadvantge, here...being that a bird's main diet is worms and seeds. He might not be used to some of this weaponry.
MM: He's not REALLY a bird, Scotty. Slow apparently angered that Premslwvk smashed his watermelon, he's choking the champion out! Birdboy has finally removed the melon from his head and is going to the table. Oh my! He has a Holiday Nut Bowl...this could get interesting!
SW: Birdboy is tearing the plastic off, there's nuts all over the mat, and he just clobbered Slow with the bowl! Now look at this! Premmy has recovered...has Slow...he's going for the GROSOCK PABSOMETHING!
MM: The what? You mean GROSSCK PABHOOMT? The jumping powerbomb? HE'LL NEVER GET HIM UP! That's 669 pounds, fans! CAN HE DO IT?!
GBH: No way. The former army soldier is just too big to be placed in such a maneuver. The physics of the move, times the mass weight involved, equals this in-humanly possible to deliver...especially on the un- stable environment of a nut-laden foot base.
MM: What in tha?
SW: Moment of clarity?
GBH: Duh. Bug. (goes back to staring at dead cockroach beside ringpost)
MM: Ummmmm, yeah. Birdboy is helping Premslwvk, grabs Slow's legs...even with both trying, I don't think they can get him up. Look at them strain! Slow is coming off the canvas...NO!
SW: The fat guy just shook his big treetrunk leg and sent Birdboy tumbling out of the ring...he's smashed the buffet table! Slow stand- ing up...
MM: He just backdropped the champion on those nuts! That's GOTTA hurt! Maybe worse than tacks...but I'll never know for sure. Slow is really mad about his food being used for fight, I guess he thought they were just going to eat it. HE'S IRATE! Legdrops the champion, Premslwvk! The champ buried under that massive thigh! He has him up, now...FAT @SS ARMY SLAM! WE COULD HAVE A NEW CHAMPION! The cover...1....
GBH: Birdy fly.
SW: A recovered Birdboy off the top with a flying body press! WHAM! He just landed on G.I. Slow's back as he was covering Premslwvk!
MM: Yeah, but landing on the military mound sent Birdboy bouncing over the ropes and into the stands! But...it broke up the count! Premslwvk is still the champion!
SW: Better call a vet, looks like Birdboy broke one of his wings.
MM: HE'S NOT REALLY A BIRD, DAMMIT!
GBH: Clappy happy, you know it. Heh.
MM: What? Hey...it's Justin Voss! What is he doing here? He's a face! A stereo- type face at that! He's NOT Hardcore!
SW: He's on some hardcore drugs, though. You see his last interview? He needs to lay off the smack, he's going to have the BigBoss holding random urinalysis and put us all out of work.
GBH: Pee + Cup = McDonalds. Duh.
MM: He's not on drugs, Scotty. He's just a little depressed that he lost the Swiss Army title, that's all. OOOOOOOOH! Premslwvk with a gut-wrench suplex on Birdboy who has made it back into the ring. Slow then tried to hit the champ with a side of beef...missed...and the champ caught the G.I. with a dropkick that staggered the big man...another! Slow still on his feet... Premslwvk grabs a handful of that military buzz-cut...delivers a DDT! ON A CARTON OF GRADE-A EGGS! How'd that get in the ring?
SW: How can you say Justin is just depressed? I'm depressed all the time and I don't talk to MY television. Drugs I say. I bet if you went to his house right now, there'd be more crack over there than at a refridgerator repairman's class reunion.
MM: Stop it. Justin is in the ring! HE JUST HIT PREMSLWVK WITH A FROZEN TURKEY! IT'S STILL FROZEN I SAY!
Voss: Take THAT Norman Smiley. Stay off my TV. (leaves)
SW: Yeah, he's clean as a whistle. Kids, stay off the drugs.
MM: Premslwvk is out cold turkey!
SW: Nice. *sigh*
MM: G.I. Slow or Birdboy get to him...we'll HAVE A NEW HARDCORE CHAMPION! Birdboy makes it there first, not as much weight to move around....the cover!
SW: He's got 1....2....thr....
MM: G.I. SLOW WHALLOPED BIRDBOY WITH AN ARTICHOKE! Birdboy rolls off the champ! THE FAT @ss ARMY GUY COVERS! 1.....2........ THREE! G.I. SLOW HAS UPSET PREMSLWVK! HE'S THE NEW "AYOOYFM" CHAMPION!
SW: Premslwvk is gonna HATE this when he wakes up. I'm sure we haven't heard the last of him and Justin Voss.
MM: Well put, Scotty...that's the first thing you've said all night that made sense. Wow, what a night it has been so far...blood spilled in our opening match, the appearance of a new addition to BOB, a new "AYOOYFM" champion... and Homicidal Hank and Viet Kong still to come for the Swiss Army Title.
SW: Yeah, that reminds me...I'll be right back. Have to do intoductions, you know...
MM: While Scotty waits for the ring to be cleaned again, this time from food... her's another commercial...
Do you like spending your money on wrestling? Overpriced wrestling events that are usually only slightly better than the ones you get for free every week on local television. Then...SEND US MONEY! Buy FULL COURT PRESS so you can go to the chat rooms and tell all the losers that didn't buy it what happened immediately after it's over! THANKS!
MM: And we're back. Scotty is in the ring...let's go to him for our main event.
SW: Alright you Lizard Lippers...this is your main event. First from somewhere in Vietnam, with that little guy named "Charlie"... the former Swiss Army Champion...6' 8"...345...VIET KONG!
(Speed metal remake of "The Charlie's Angels" theme plays. Viet Kong walks out with his arms across his chest. "Charlie" follows waiving a riding crop in the air. Boos a plenty. They enter the ring.)
SW: And his opponent.....
(The "No need to ask...HE'S THE SMOOTH OPERATOR" chorus part of Sade's "Smooth Operator" plays as Dr. Silaconne M. Plants appears from behind the bug net. Even though he is perhaps the most hated man in all e-wrestling...gets a huge pop because he wasn't expected to be here. Walks briskly to the ring with a mic in hand...steps through the ropes. Scotty retreats to ringside.)
Plants: "FI-NA-LY...THE DOC...HAS COME BACK...TO BOB!"(Massive pop)
MM: And HE won an NE award for mic skills? He should have the catchphrase patrol all over his @ss right now.
SW: Shutup, Mike...I like this guy.
MM: You like ALL bad guys, Scotty. Anyway, what's HE doing here?
SW: PPV around the bend, sheesh. Where have you been?
Plants: "Hey..."Charlie". Remember when I reattached Kong's finger in the STWF after ThatGuy made it his between meal snack?"
"Charlie": "Yea, mee remembur."
Plants: "Remember that sheet you signed that I told you was a standard medical form used in all surgeries, explaining the risks involved?"
"Charlie": "Yea, yea...geet on wit it. Kon goin' to beet Homicidole Hank's ah-soh and geet back Swi---"
Plants: "That wasn't a medical form. That was a form stating that if Viet Kong ever returned to wrestling...the first title he won would be handed over to me for services rendered. He didn't have it long enough the first time for me to claim it, I was busy in the STWF. But if he wins it tonight... I'm here to collect what should belong to me, according to this piece of paper that YOU signed."
"Yoo...yoo...dirtee dubba-crossa! Yoo can't doo dat!"
("The Ride of the Valkyries" plays. Kamakazie Ken quicky jogs to the ring and jumps in...grabs SMP's mic.)
Ken: "No, no, no. I've been jumping in matches the last couple of weeks to try and get in line for a shot at this belt. I cost Kong the title at MMM #4 and planned to cost Hank the title this week, so they'd both want a piece of the Hardcore Luchador, and get me in a three way for the title at Full Court Press."
("Du Hast" By Rammstein is cued. Homicidal Hank runs to the ring with the Swiss Army Title draped over his shoulder. Noticably, he is without Spike, his potted geranium that suffered injuries last MMM. Huge pop for the champion as he takes the mic from Ken.)
Hank: "Now wait just a doggone minute, MEATS! This is MY title and anybody that wants it, has to beat me for it."
("Sweat" by C+C Music Factory plays right at the part where the annoying woman says..."I GOT THA POWER"! A small man walks out with Miss Behave...it's the BigBOSS' miniature sidekick who looks just like the BOSS... except he's smaller... IT'S Li'lBOSS! All four men look in disbelief as the small business man enters the ring with Miss Behave's help...)
MM: Wow, what a turn of events!
SW: Mike, shhhhhhh. I wanna see what happens.
LB: Okay. It's like this. The BigBOSS has left me in charge until he gets out of jail for crashing that awards show...I'll bail him out as soon as I get to pull some strings for Full Court Press. Here goes, and this is what you get BigBOSS for leaving ME to book things. Hank, since Kong and his manager signed that piece of paper, legally...Kong was not the champion when you beat him, so you're not the champion now. SMP, your contract is no good here, you're not the champion, either. But the contract is good enough reason to strip Hank and perpetuate this angle. Ken, let's see how well you do when you're actually booked to be IN a match here. The opening match at Full Court Press will be the first ever..."FUNKED UP FOUR WAY TWISTY TAG-TEAM THINGEE"! Here's how it works. SMP, Hank...since you two are buddies in the STWF, you're on one team. Ken...you team with Kong. If Hank gets the decision over Kong, pin or submission...Kong loses his shot and it will be Hank vs. Ken for the Swiss Army Title later in the night at Full Court Press. Hank pins...I'll just say "pin" to save time...Hank pins Ken... then it's Hank vs. Kong...but with Hank's Match of Choice to keep Kong from punking out his partner just to get in the title match. Kong pins Hank...then it's Kong vs. SMP for the title. Kong pins SMP...Kong faces Hank...but Viet Kong gets to choose his specialty match...just like before so Hank'll think twice about letting VK pin SMP just so Hank gets the title shot. Now it gets interesting. SMP pins Kong...that'll eliminate BOTH members of that team, and SMP will face Hank for the title later in the night. SMP pins Ken...then the former Swiss Army champs BOTH lose their shot...SMP gets Ken again for the title...in SMP's specialty match. Alright then, Ken pins Hank...that'll boot SMP and Hank...Ken will take on Viet Kong for the title. Ken pins SMP, same as SMP pinning Ken, except this time it'll be Ken's favorite match. Follow me so far?
MM: GOOD LORD!
SW: Cool. You writing this down, Mike?
GBH: Duh. Lost.
Plants: "I'm....uhhhhh. Can you say that again?"
"Charlie": "Dis is boolsheet."
Hank: "What about DQ's or Count Outs, Meat?"
LB: I thought you'd never ask. The two former champs have the edge in case of a DQ or count out...but to keep you from getting your team DQed on purpose...there are strings attached. Either team gets DQed... it'll be Hank vs Kong for the title. But...if Hank and SMP get DQed... "Charlie" will be the special referee for the title match later in the night. Kong and Ken get DQed...then it'll still be Hank vs. Kong...but Hank gets to choose his own biased referee.
Hank: "What if BOTH teams get DQed or counted out?"
LB: That's the best part..you ALL LOSE! None of you go to Full Court Press and I'll give the Swiss Army Title to XXXtreme. So...don't think you're going to weasel your way out of this by having a double DQ and make me come up with another match scenario. Oh yeah....one more thing just to spice things up and make you fight even harder. Do you trust your partner? The two men who do not meet for the Swiss Army Title will be forced to wrestle each other in the main event. You've heard of the No Limit Soldiers? The No Talent Soldiers over in the STWF? Well, the two that don't get into the Swiss Army Title match will meet in a "NO ANGLE SOLDIER" MATCH. The loser doesn't get any more angles in BOB for 30 days. And oh yeah...it's IN A ROOFED STEEL CAGE! No angles, no matches, see ya next month. Have a good day, gentlemen. Until FCP..the Swiss Army Title is VACANT!
MM: WHAT THA! THAT'S INCREDIBLE! Imagine the possibilties! SMP vs. Hank...the doctor against his former patient! Hank vs. Ken...the two Pennsyvania Psychos locking up! SMP vs. Kong...the boobie enhancer brought Kong here to avenge a loss to Justin, only to try and hoo-doo him out of his title! Ken vs. SMP...the former Whatever Wrestling Feders going at it, The Doc probably still holding a grudge because Ken was the WWF champion while SMP was only the NQGETBWC champion! Or what about Ken vs. Kong...Kong will want to tear him apart for costing him the Swiss Army Title!
SW: Yeah, this thing has more curves than Nurse Heidi...hey, look in the ring, the Li'lBOSS is gone and "Charlie" is peed off! He's getting in SMP's face! Strange thing is...when two heels fight, the fans usually side with the guy they hate less...SMP IS ACTUALLY GETTING SOME LOVIN' FROM THE CROWD!
MM: "Charlie" really upset at SMP, I'm sure he's blaming the former plastic surgeon for this whole incident. Uh oh, he's poking SMP in the chest, the crowd swells with anticipation. "Charlie" still pecking away. SMP looks to the crowd. "Charlie" still pecking...THERE IT IS! SMP just waffled "Charlie" with a Bret Hart-like right hand! The crowd has gone nuts! SMP turns around and OOOOOOOH! Viet Kong just hammered him with that "Rice Cannon" clothes- line that nearly took the Doc out of his Italian shoes! SMP twitching on the mat like an epileptic in shock therapy!
SW: Wouldn't that have a reverse effect?
MM: Well, it sounded better before I said it. Hank to the rescue of his Heelside Strangler teammate in the STWF. Double axe-handle to Kong's back. Ken in to try and break things up. "Charlie" is up after getting knocked of his feet by Plants and is now chocking SMP with is riding crop! Ken inadvertently got hit by Hank...Ken and Kong putting the boots to Homicidal Hank now!
SW: WHAT A MATCH!
MM: This isn't a match, Scotty. It's what we call a Pay-Per-View Teaser. Hank and Kong both just nailed Ken! "Charlie" has the "Tet Offensive" on SMP, digging that taped thumb deep into Silaconne's jugular! SMP trying his best to sell it by making spit form in the corner of his mouth and making his leg quiver. Hank and Kong have spilled to the floor and are hitting each other with whatever they can get their hands on...WAIT A MINUTE! Ken just hit "Charlie" with a clothesline. Ken quickly to the turnbuckle, he's on the top rope now. Hank and Kong don't notice. Ken jumps....SHOOTING STAR PRESS ON HANK AND VIET KONG! All three men are down, especially Ken, who missed both men somewhat and clothslined himself on the guardrail! "Charlie" is down...SMP is out...Hank, Kong, and Kamakazie Ken lay strewn about the ringside area...AND WE'RE OUT OF TIME! For Scotty Whatabody and I guess GBH, too...I'm Mike Monroe and don't FORGET FULL COURT PRESS-SEND US MONEY!
©2000 BOB Wrestling!