Brawlers On A Budget

>> home
>> upcoming shows
show archives
> 2009
> 2008
> 2007
> 2006
> 2005
> 2004
> 2003
> 2002
> 2001
> 1999
>> forums
>> roster
>> title history
>> rules
>> application
>> eWrestling wiki
>> credit
>> links



(Coming to you LIVE right now from "The Half Dome" in Frosbite Falls, Minnesota...the mythical hometown of Bullwinkle J. Moose! Rumor has it he might even show up! Oh yeah, when you see'll be over. Despite being live RIGHT NOW...this is the debut of the "Not As Good As The Monday Show Pre-Taped Thursday Show". Sure hope it doesn't snow. Man, it's cold in here!)

SW: SHEESH! Could somebody turn on the frikkin' heat in here? Start a bonfire? I pray to all that is holy we're having an Inferno Match, tonight. What? We're taping now? Oh. Hello BOB fans, this is Scotty Whatbody live here in Frosbite Falls, Minnesota for the first ever "Not As Good As The Monday Show Pre-Taped Thursday Show". Since you'll see it long after it's over, I just hope I'm thawed out by then. Mike Monroe and that babbling imbecile GBH will not be here tonight. THIS IS MINE, BABY! Lucky me. *sigh* Besides, with our budget it's a wonder we even HAVE two shows.

(The Corporate Flunkie runs up and whispers something in Scotty's ear. Runs off)

SW: What? I've just been informed by The Flunkie that I will be having a announcing partner. At least it'll keep me from getting bored... FLUNKIE, GET ME ANOTHER COAT...WILL YA? Man, it's colder than a well digger's as....

(Rod Stewart's "If Ya Think I'm Sexy" plays as Nurse Heidi slowly makes her way to ringside wearing a white, spandex nursing uniform and sits beside Scotty. Huge pop from the fans that have not yet suffered from hypothermia.)

SW: Is it cold in here?

NH: Hi, Scotty. My, it is a little chilly in here, isn't it?

SW: You can say that again.

NH: I'd at least like some eye contact when you talk to me, I'm your announcing partner.

SW: You are? WHOO HOO! Take THAT Mike and your "I'm-too-good- for-Thursday-shows" attitude! Bite me! I'm in heaven! WHOOOOOO HOO!

NH: Scotty. Hey, Scotty. SCOTTY! Quit drooling before your mouth freezes shut. We have matches to call.

SW: We do? Oh yeah, we do. In our inaugural "Not As Good As" show tonight, we have Blackjack Hooligan in his debut taking on another relative newcomer, Bobo Fiendish. Goffer and Pzremslwvk will defend the "You Gotta Have Friends" Tag-Team titles against DJ Rawkus and MC Carjack of Jobbers Inc. Hee, that outta be a good one...

NH: Also, The Domino will battle Birdboy and the loser has to wash the winner's car. And our main event features the Jabberwocky King, Neige Thirteen, as he goes one-on-one with XXXtreme.

SW: WHAT?! XXXtreme Machine is in the main event? You're kidding, right?

NH: That's what it says here on this card.

SW: I have to sit in this cold for a main event with HIM in it? Well, he did say he wasn't a jobber, now's his chance to prove it. But, I can't believe The BigBOSS would put him in the main event, and it being as cold as a witch's ti...

NH: Oh stop it, it's not that cold out here, I'm not even wearing a jacket.

SW: I notic...I mean, yeah.

(Scuzz the ring announcer enters wearing a large parka. He puts the mic to his hood opening...)

Scuzz: Ladies and Gentle...introducin'...from UnLuck...Ranch... Irelan'...weighin'...BLACKJACK HOO...GAN!

NH: Wow, he must really be cold. He can't even do an entire introduction. Having problems getting all the words out, isn't he?

SW: Are you kidding? He's always like that. Don't worry, though...see that paper bag? That "Night Train" in there should keep him warm.

(A very bad rendition of "Rhinestone Cowboy" by Glenn Campbell plays. An even worse overdub in poorly done Irish accent masks the "Rhine" part with "Lime". Note to Hooligan...get a new intro song. Nobody comes out.)

NH: Well, where is he?

SW: Beats me. By the way, are those real?

NH: Most intro songs are, but you can obviously tell this one got a hatchet job.

SW: No, I mean...are THOSE real?

NH: No, I got these at "Trenna Reznor's Nine Inch FingerNails and Bistro" down on Vine. I stuck with an inch, though. I don't like them too long.

SW: I meant are those real...and you don't like what too long. HEE, what do you don't like, real, those, HEE. WHOOO!

SW: Scotty, have you been hitting that "Night Train"? Hey, who is that guy?

(Creepy, pipe organ music plays as Bobo Fiendish levitates to the ring on a small cloud of cold induced fog. Silence from the brave crowd still here, as they busily sign their waivers to watch the match.)

Scuzz: An' introducin'...don't know a lot...'bout him... BO...FIEND...!

SW: Hey, this guy is cool. Did you see him Monday?

NH: I saw you quivering under the table on Monday..

SW: HEY! Hooligan just came out of the crowd and is sliding under the bottom rope, he's in the ring!

***bell rings

NH: Looks like the Irish Cowboy tried to get the early upper hand by using the old Pearl Harbor attack. He's pounding away at Bobo. Bobo just standing there, absorbing the punches from the big ruffian that seem to have little effect. That Fiendish guy really looks hard....

SW: Howcanyoutellthatfromhere?

NH: ...core. Did you say something, Scotty?

SW: I am. I mean, I did. Bobo seizes the advantage with a vicious eye rake, whips the big rowdy into the ropes...and nails him with a perfectly executed Japanese Armdrag! Picks him up, shot to the solar plexus ...

NH: Scotty, do you even know what solar plexus are?

SW: No, but Mike isn't here and he does play-by-play...but they say it on the other channels all the time and I think it makes me sound smart. So what if I don't know what it is? I still don't know what Saccarin is or Yellow 5, but that doesn't keep me from putting it in my tea or stops me from eating nacho cheese flavored chips.

NH: Well, being a nurse, I know the solor plexus are the system of nerves BEHIND the stomach. So, it's impossible to actually hit somebody there. Unless of course, you penetrate the outer body, go through the stomach, and then connect with the solar plexus.

SW: Ummmmmm, yeah. Bobo with a series of martial arts moves and stuff that I won't dare try to describe because...well, I don't feel like being further embarrassed. Can I have your phone number?

NH: I thought you just said you didn't want to be further embarrassed. Blackjack counters with a lariat, Bobo knocked off his feet. He quickly recovers. Hooligan was going to the top rope after Bobo went down, Fiendish on his feet, Hooligan off the top rope. OOOOOOH! Nice catch into a powerslam by Fiendish! Nicely executed.

SW: You lost me at lariat.

NH: Lariat. Old school term used primarily for clotheslines delivered by wrestling cowboys. I thought you were a color commentator. What gives? Bobo tries a pin after the slam. Hey look, I know you said it was cold in here, but look at that guy snowboarding over the crowd...

SW: That's no "guy"...IT'S NEIGE THIRTEEN, THE FIGHTING SNOWMAN! I guess he's upset that Bobo was using martial arts. Bobo covering Blackjack. Neige is in the ring! Generic Ref with the 1....2....OOOOOOOOOOH! He just nailed Bobo with his Neigeboard(tm)! OUCH! He clobbered Blackjack Hooligan with it, too! Neige takes his martial arts seriously, and don't even ask me about that "Ghost in the Shell" stuff.

NH: This looks like a no-contest. Neige is leaving the ring, and since he hit both men in the match, The Generic Ref can't really DQ one or the other participant for receiving outside interference. Hey, isn't it time for one of those commercials?

SW: Oh yeah, the main purpose of any Thursday show, HYPE THE NEXT PAY-PER-VIEW! What tha? Blackjack is still in the ring...BOBO IS GONE! Man, that dude is scary. You know, I heard he's killed people. Really. No, really Nurse Heidi, someone told me he has killed peop.....


NH: You guys really have to work on your promos here...


("Thumpin' In Tha Howse" by DJ Rawkus and MC Carjack tries desperately to raise the half roof. It dosen't. The two would be rappers bop to the ring. DJ wears baggy purple pants, MC with even baggier orange pants. Both wear Oversized Big @ss Jackets(tm) due to the weather, but MC's gold chain with the crowbar manages to still show. They enter the ring, and "buss a move" to their own tune. DJ grabs the microphone.)

DJ: "Whassup beeeeeeeeoooooootch? We here representin' Jobba' yo, we gonna bees playa hatin' dose two wanna bee crackas, wee's gonna win tha gol....."

Guy in front row: "SHUT UP, MAN!"

Scuzz: This match for..."You Gotta Have Friends"...Tag...Titles. Challengers...San Fran...DJ RAWKUS...MC CARJACK!

(The two men parade around the ring making hand gestures and threats, chest bumps and one badly executed high five. No reaction from crowd. Even the ones still warm.)

Scuzz: An' their opponents....

(The Krapterian National Anthem plays...Pzremslwvk and Goffer make their way to the ring...Goffer is shaking. Lack of meat on those bones I presume. Both carry the "YGHF" Tag-Team straps on their shoulders.)

Scuzz: Sc-c-rew this...they're t-t-the champions. I'm outta here. It's c-c-c-cold.

SW: What a wimp. Nurse Heidi, this one is going to be academic. Let's put some spice in this one, okay?

NH: Sure, but you're not touching me.

SW: No, no. See that tape recorder on the desk? Everytime Goffer or that P-bunch-of-other-letters guy does a move on DJ or MC...hit the play button. Cool?

NH: Cool, I guess.

***bell rings

SW: It looks like Goffer is going to start off against MC, Goffer trembling like a leaf, but I doubt out of fear. The little guy looks cold, and apparently nobody in attendance cares about tanuki caps. Collar and elbow tie up, Goffer quickly to a standing armbar. Drop toe hold takedown... Goffer picks Carjack up, quick whip to the ropes...get ready Heidi...ready... NOW! Goffer with the GOFFERNATOR!



SW: What a crowd response! Goffer with his finisher right off the bat! MC is out! Goffer with the pin, 1....2....thr.....NO! DJ Rawkus breaks up the count! Stomps Goffer again, here comes P-zaggy letter-r, e- m-crooked letter-l-something-something-something else-k. P-man with a clotheline on DJ!



NH: This IS kinda fun, it's almost like the fans are really into this one. The Generic Ref forcing Pzremslwvk back to the apron. While his back was turned, DJ clapped his hands and stays in the ring, MC rolls to the floor. That dumb ref thinks they tagged.



SW: Bodyslam by Rawkus. He pauses to get jiggy wit it over the fallen Goffer. "Alpha Bits On Crack" stretching for the tag, but Goffer is in the middle of the ring. DJ bounces off the far ropes...misses with an elbow drop! Goffer crawling...crawling...MAKES THE TAG!



SW: Fast foward a little.




NH: Pzremslwvk comes in and pops DJ with a right hand, who staggers back. MC comes in...b-i-i-i-i-g backdrop by the man formerly of the country so poor, his family indeed could only afford one vowel for his name. DJ misses with a clothesline attempt...turns...kick to the stomach by Pzremslwvk...

SW: Gimme the recorder.


female voice: "Is that IT? Scotty, I thought you told me you've been with hundreds of wome..."


(Tosses recorder away.)

NH: What was tha....

SW: P-9 setting up for his finisher...tags Goffer...IT'S A COMBINATION GROOSCK WHATEVER WITH A GO GO GOFFER TOP ROPE LEGDROP! Tell Aunt Bea to turn off the oven...THIS ONE IS DONE! 1...2...count forever... THREE! Goffer and P plus a bunch of letters retain the "You Gotta Have Friends" Tag-Team titles over Opie and Goober. Like there was a doubt.

NH: Enough with the Andy Griffith references, Scotty, what was on that tape?

SW: What tape? Huh? Hey, it's commercial time...

MC Carjack:"Yo man, yous really hurt DJ. Yous didn't hold back, yo! I'm callin' Johhny Cockran on yo' cracka @sses!" You hearda Rodney King you mudda f....."


SW: Wow, right before we went to commercial, MC Carjack lost it, yelling at Goffer and Pickupsticks about bumping DJ Rawkus for real. Ummmmmm, yeah. Nevermind.

NH: It's too late now, spilled the beans. But hopefully, nobody is watching this broadcast and kayfabe is safe.

SW: Ka-what-be?


NH: You're so lucky, Scotty, our next match is about to start. And don't think I forgot about that tape.

(A very familiar entrance theme plays as The Domino heads toward the ring. The only difference is, 'The Domino' is dubbed over 'The Rock' as one of the most blantant rip-offs in e-wrestling struts to the ring. And he's damn proud of it, too...the rip-off and the strut. He takes the mic from Scotty as he gets in the ring to slight booing.)

The Domino:"Frosbite Falls...I'm here and DOESN'T MATTER WHAT MY NAME IS...YOU ROODY-POO CANDY @SSES!"

NH: Cripes! He doesn't even try to disguise it, does he?

SW: Not at all. And I'm guessing Scuzz thinks it's too cold to come back out here and introduce this match. I guess I'll have to do it again like I did at MMM #5.

NH: How about this? I'll do it. Besides, I see two cars, one is obviously The Domino's. Black VW with white dots on it. Really? The other has bird droppings all over. Either somebody parks his car under a tree or that belongs to Birdboy. And since Birdboy is the scheduled opponent, and the loser has to wash the winner's car. There's only one problem I see with this, a problem I can fix.

(Nurse Heidi gets into the ring as the guys still awake quickly smack their buddies into consciousness. Women are left sleeping... or frozen. Rousing pop as Nurse Heidi takes the microphone.)

NH: Ladies and gentlemen, this next event is a "Loser Washes The Winner's Car" Match. Introducing first...weighing in tonight at 303 lbs. He's 6' 9" and resides on Domino Rally Drive and Tip Over Avenue...THE DOMINO! (Boos and one "TAKE IT OFF"...hopefully directed at Nurse Heidi) And his opponent...

(Lenny Kravitz' "Fly Away" plays because Birdboy still has not picked his own entrance theme. And I can't remember who does "Bird Is The Word." Birdboy *ahem* flys to the ring. Actually, he runs with his arms outstretched...with those cheesy, clip on wings flapping in the chilly air. He climbs into the ring to a decent pop...BOB crowds not as welcoming as WWF fans were to Birdboy...yet?)

NH: ...from the defunct Whatever Wrestling Federation, he's 6' 1" and 235 of the most beloved WWFers ever...BIRDBOY! Mr. Pecker is not here due to inclimate weather. Now, I see the bucket for the car wash. I see some partially frozen water and a similance of bubbles. What I don't see is anything to wash the car with. Scotty, hand me my purse, please?

(he does)

NH: Since neither of you have anything to wash the winner's car with if you should can use this. I take it with me everywhere.

(opens purse)


***bell rings

(Nurse Heidi returns to ringside)

The Domino:"Let me make your monkey @ss famous, Birdboy. PIN ME!"


SW: WOW! Birdboy just hammered The Domino with a right cross, knocking The Domino to the canvas! Birdboy falls on the mat! What the hell? He's pulled The Domino over HIM! 1...2...NO! The Domino rolled off!

NH: There, now the loser has something to wash the car with.

SW: Give it to ME! I'll wash BOTH cars!

NH: Oh, you will not. Stop that. You know this match is really bizarre. Birdboy and The Domino are trying to get each other to pin each other. I've never seen anything like this...they must have a thing for washing a car.

SW: ARE YOU KIDDIN'?! The Domino tries a bodyslam...NO! He just fell on the mat with Birdboy landing on top of him! The count, 1...2... Birdboy rolls away! Birdboy on his feet, and connects with a chop...


SW: I was really hoping that wouldn't catch on. Birdboy with an inside cradle...but rolls over and ends up with his shoulders on the mat. 1...2...THE DOMINO RELEASED! Both men stopping at nothing to lose and get their hands on that loofah! I wish I was in this match!

NH: Will you stop that, Scotty? You're making me blush. The Domino tries a vertical suplex, let's Birdboy collapse on top of him. 1... 2...Birdboy breaks free. Birdboy just laying there. The Domino refuses to get up.

Birdboy:"Come on you stupid ref, count us both out or something."

Generic Ref:"I can't, I was told earlier that there has to be a winner."


SW: Both men back on their feet. Birdboy with a quick kick to Domino's gut, has him up for a pile driver. HE NAILED IT! Birdboy's plan looks like to knock The Domino out cold and make The Domino pin him! Now what?

NH: Birdboy left the ring and has a steel chair, or something similar in appearance. He's back in the ring...Generic Ref trying to take the chair from Birdboy...warning him it's not a no DQ match.

SW: The ref and Birdboy struggling for control of the chair. The Domino is back up...reaches into his trunks and pulls out a sock!

NH: Geez, does he copy EVERYBODY?

SW: No, this sock appears to be full of dominoes. The ref is putting the chair outside the ring...Birdboy turns around...WHAM! The Domino just waylays Birdboy with that loaded sock! Birdboy hit the canvas like a ton of bricks! Look at this! The Domino just laid down and is pulling Birdboy across himself! Ref turns around, 1...2...THREE! Birdboy wins while unconscious, but The Domino is the REAL winner while losing. I'm spent!

NH: I can't believe these two are doing this, just for a shower sponge.

SW: The Domino is ecstatic! He has bolted from the ring and quickly starts washing Birdboy's car. Look at him go! Man, is he lucky or what?

NH: Gross! He can have that thing, he's getting bird poop all over it and besides, I haven't even used that one yet.

SW: Well, don't tell him that, he's already washed Birdboy's car, his own car, and he's heading for the parking lot. I know mine can use a good once over. HEY DOMINO! BLUE TOYOTA WITH THE "WHTABDY" PLATE!

NH: The entrance music has started, Scotty...looks like it's main event time.

SW: On what planet?

(A song from the band Extreme plays. It doesn't matter which one, because they all suck. Which fits nicely as Jobber Inc.'s poster boy XXXtreme Machine makes his way to the ring. Yeah, yeah...I know he wanted his "XXXtreme" song from his local band nobody cares about...but nobody cares about Extreme, either. So there. XXXtreme enters the ring to an overwheming silence.)

SW: Still no Scuzz, but we don't need him.

("Daddy Cool" by QRN that right? Eddie didn't make it to this one... Neige Thirteen drives his zamboni to the ring, Neigeboard(tm) in hand, Woodstock waving to the...uh...masses. He pulls up to ringside and jumps over the ropes. Crowd cheers, for with this cold front coming in, the weather, not the wrestler... a zomboni might just be their ticket out of the parking lot.)

SW: And here we go! This could get ugly.

NH: So that's what he looks like. Sil talks about this guy nonstop. I don't think he likes him very much.

SW: HEY LOOK! It's Bullwinkle! They told me in the back that he might be here! I love this guy! Pull a rabbit outta the hat! Pull a rabbit outta the hat! Say PRESTO! Come on!

NH: Wait a minute...I know that "Mr. Know It All". His walk looks very familiar.

SW: Neige has assaulted XXXtreme. Spinning heel kick from the 6' 9" Fighting Snowman! He then tosses XXXtreme across the ring like a rag doll. Running clotesline turns XXXtreme inside out! Nicely executed 360 flip by the Jobber Inc. member sells the vicious hit well. Maybe he ISN'T a jobber!

NH: You mean selling an @ss kicking well doesn't constitute being a jobber? I even beat this guy.

SW: Yeah, but he pulled your top off...even I would take a dive to do that.

NH: Hmph. The guy in the Bullwinkle suit seems to have a keen interest in this match.

SW: This is GREAT! Bullwinkle at ringside...and I have a squirrel right beside me! Does it fly? WHOO HOO!

NH: You can add a pig to ringside, too. Scotty, I can't believe you said that. Neige just executed a release powerbomb on XXXtreme, I don't see this lasting much longer.

SW: Neige with a one hand pin attempt, 1...2...WHAT! He pulled his hand away! Must be sending a message...


SW: HEY! The lights just went out!

NH: I noticed. I also noticed your hand on my knee.

SW: Oh, that's YOUR knee? I thought it was kinda dark in here you know.

NH: I'm waiting...

SW: Oh, you want me to remove it? Sorry.


NH: Whew, the lights are back on. It's a good thing, too... before I got further molested.

SW: LOOK AT THIS! XXXtreme is pinning Neige! friggin' way....THREE! MY GOD! IT'S THE BIGGEST UPSET...EVER!

NH: Looks like a little more went on with the lights off other than you taking liberties...Bullwinkle is gone.

SW: Neige is out. XXXtreme is out. But there's a note on XXXtreme's back.

NH: Well, what does it say?

SW: I don't know, I can't read it from here, and we don't have a monitor.

NH: Well stupid, go get it.

SW: I'd rather you get it...pretty please?

NH: You are such a PIG, Scotty...

(Nurse Heidi gets in the ring to a landslide of cat-calls. Takes the sticky-note off XXXtreme's back. Returns to ringside.

SW: Oh, thank you. So, what does it say?

NH: Weird. All it says is "Everybody gets a prize. You're Welcome."

SW: Somebody got a prize all right. I know I did. Working with you was a true delight.

NH: Take a picture why don't you? You've been staring at me all night.

SW: Got any? Pictures? Okay, okay...The Flunkie tells me we are out of time. I HATE THAT! For Nurse Heidi, this is Scotty Whatbody, and we hope you enjoyed "The Not As Good As The Monday Show Pre-Taped Thursday Show"...and we'll see you at Full Court Press!

(In hokey Monster Truck Rally avertisement voice) FULL COURT PRESS! Who wins the FUNKED UP FOUR WAY TWISTY TAG TEAM THINGEE as Dr. Silaconne M. Plants teams with Homicidal Hank to face Kamikazie Ken and Viet Kong! Who will advance the fight for the SWISS ARMY TITLE! Who will go to the "No Angle Soldier" ROOFED CAGE MATCH...and be forced OUT OF BOB FOR 30 DAYS! What team will win the FIRST EVER...BASKETBRAWL GAME! Don't rely on finding out in the chat rooms or a web-site. ORDER TODAY AND SEE IT LIVE ON THIS WEB-SITE! Or don't. Just be kind enough to send us at least a dollar or two to give the ones that do order a full show...IT'S SEND US MONEY-FULL COURT PRESS!

©2000 BOB Wrestling!


© BOB Wrestling!

Brawlers On a Budget is an online fantasy parody wrestling sports entertainment federation (or e-fed) designed to be somewhat funny.

WARNING: This site contains adult content. Surfer discretion is advised.