Some Like It Hot, And Some Sweat When The Heat Is On...
WARNING: This program may show images or use dialogue unsuitable for children. Or scary for children of small ages. Parental discretion is advised.
(The camera pans the interior of Hell...you're going to have to use your imagination since I've never been there (yet). In the center of Hades is an old, WCW Nitro ring we got at a yard sale complete with the flames on it. Surrounding the ring are actual flames and a lot of red scenery. Cut to Scotty Whatbody at ringside wearing a Magnum P.I. looking shirt, Bermuda shorts and wrap around sunglasses. Nurse Heidi is wearing a two piece, string bikini. Some signs are seen, including "See Ya Soon, SMP", "It's A Hot Time in Hell Tonight" and "Don't Drink The Water, It's Purgatory.")
SW: Welcome To Hades, everybody! I'm Scotty Whatbody along with Nurse Heidi, this is the "Not As Good As Monday Morning Thursday Night Show"...and I must say with no pun intended: IT'S HOT AS HELL IN HERE!
NH: Nice one, Scotty. I don't know about you, but if it gets any hotter...I'm losing this top.
SW: What?! TURN UP THE THERMOSTAT, LUCIFER! WHOO HOO!
NH: You're still a pig, I see. No matter where you're at.
SW: Oink, oink.
NH: Well, while Scotty finishes rooting for slop, we have some dark matches to catch you up on that occurred before we went on the air. Herb Romaine defeated Viet Kong when Kong's ape-like hairy torso spontaneously combusted. Kong stopped, dropped, and rolled to put out the flames and Herb seized the opportunity to pin him. "Charlie" couldn't help his charge due to being a no show.
SW: Yeah, he said he didn't want to rush his visit here. Something about war crimes he committed in 'Nam or something....
NH: "Too Fat" Matt's Boston Crab had no effect on Roy of Dead and Dumber. While Matt waited for Roy to submit he was blindsided and then pinned. Slightly Gay Ray was detained outside the ring by Rock Hudson, who made a shocking run-in and delighted the fans here in The Unholy Netherworld.
SW: I can't believe Roy didn't submit to that crab...Matt was really pulling back on it! And how he got that pin is a mystery as well, seeing as Roy didn't even bother to hook a leg.
NH: You can shut-up now. Thanks, dear. Okay, looks like we're caught up and it also appears it's time for our first on-the-air match here at NAGAM 11.
SW: Oh yeah! I see the special ring announcer on his way now...
(Cut to the aisle. A man dressed in a Nazi uniform goose steps his way to the ring and rolls under the bottom rope as the crowd goes wild. He stands behind a podium that The Flunkie quickly set up in the ring.)
Nazi: ZE BROACK UN NIETHZEN....ZE NUTHREN AUT FROANUIZEN!
crowd: HA HITLA!
Nazi: OOH WHRTENZIN ZE DORFRENIGEZNE! POLUNTHENZ ET FAFENNUGEN!
crowd: HA HITLA!
SW: This is creepy...
NH: Where's the rest of his moustache? Trimming problems?
SW: Bet you won't tell HIM that.
Nazi: ET ZOOMIN AUT FUKINGROOVIN! DA DYZLEXIC AVENGA!
("Bat Out Of Hell' by Meatloaf plays as The Dyslexic Avenger runs to the ring. The crowd roars, but probably for the song. The Avenger attempts to slide under the rope, but hits the bottom strand causing a slight belly laugh from the crowd condemned to everlasting punishment in hellfire.)
Nazi: ZE NUFRIN AUT EN ZINAFEL! MRZ THURZDAY NIGT! JAYZEE LONGENUFFIN!
(Eddie B. plays Power Station's "Some Like It Hot"… but he didn't want to. However, he knows a trend when he sees it. J.C. Long comes to the ring, stopping briefly to fight off a female fan with a pitchfork. No, you see… you misunderstood. He didn't fight her off with a pitchfork…he fought off a female fan with a pitchfork. SHE had the pitchfork. Pay attention. Loud ovation every time Robert Palmer sings, "Some like it hot so let's turn up the heat till we fry.")
SW: Didn't BigBOSS fire that character so he wouldn't be double dipping?
NH: Doesn't look like or why would he be here?
SW: Well, now would be a good time to FIRE him. HA! Get it? Fire him…ummm, fire him? Okay, I'll stop now.
NH: Good, please do. There's the bell from hell and we're off. J.C. is quickly taking advantage of the masked man, collar and elbow with an armdrag…nicely executed by Long. D.A. quick to his feet and dropped just as fast with an uppercut. J.C. showing no mercy tonight.
SW: He IS "Mr. Thursday Night", after all! Sent for the ride, dropkick coming….NO! Avenger held onto the ropes! Goes for a pin! One… no way! Is this guy retarded? He's not gonna win a match like that!
NH: Don't make fun of him, Scotty…he has a legitimate illness.
SW: So he mixes his letters up, that has nothing to do with thinking he can win a match 'cause a guy missed a dropkick! Face it, the guy 's the mayor of "Duh City" ! And GBH is sheriff!
NH: Scotty, that's really mean. You better quit making fun of those guys or you're going to have handicapped children. Didn't you ever hear that?
SW: That's an old wives tale and I don't believe it. Or if it is true, GBH's mother must have made fun of EVERYBODY! OOOOH! Nice DDT by Long! He's really taking it to the Avenger here in this hellhole. Hi-I-I-I-g-h vertical suplex, both men crash hard. J.C. hooks the far leg, one….TWO….and the Dyslexic Avenger just manages to get a shoulder up. Crap! This one needs to get over with, I'm hungry already.
NH: Why don't you flag down that hot dog vendor?
SW: Good idea. HEY, HOT DOG GUY! RIGHT HERE, BUDDY!
(A vendor approaches the announce area and opens the box that's hanging in front of him)
SW: Ummmmmmmm, YUMMY! Those sure do look tasty!
NH: Wait a sec…is that a HAIR?
SW: Now that you mention it…those don't really LOOK like hot dogs, either! And why are they BLACK? Don't you know how to grill a friggin' hot dog? What kinda vendor are you anyway?!
(Knowing his cover is blown, Jeffrey Dahlmer walks away.)
SW: The nerve of that guy! Trying to pass those Vienna sausages off as hot dogs! And get a hair net for cryin' out loud.
NH: Oh yeah, can't slip anything by you, Scotty.
SW: LOOK OUT! Dyslexic Avenger has J.C. Long in a FTS!
NH: Shouldn't that be STF? Oh, nevermind….
SW: It looks like J.C. is trying to tap out! Or fan himself, and if he's fanning himself I can't say that I blame him, it's roasting in here!
(The flames go out, equivilent in Hell as the lights going out anywhere else. Eddie B. strikes up some "evil music" as an imposing figure exits the wool curtain)
SW: THROUGH HELL FIRE AND BRIMSTONE…IT'S THE UNDIETAKER! Guess his underwear stash is running low and is looking to add D.A.'s DVBs! Heh, I mean BVDs. HA! I kill me!
NH: Yep, you're a regular Seinfeld alright. By the way, nice "Jim Ross" you had there, and it made sense this time since Undietaker actually did it literally…
SW: Undietaker's in the ring! Wait, he's brushing The Dyslexic Avenger aside! Now he has J.C. Long! Chokeslam from HELL! And it didn't have far to go, either!
NH: Wow, Scotty…you must be butter 'cause you're on a roll. *sigh* J.C. leaves this one with a DQ win and a real nice wedgie. It appears The Undietaker hasn't forgotten about losing to J.C. some time back and paid him a receipt. Or then again, maybe he just needed some more underwear…
Nazi: EZ ZUMFRED AUT DEE-CUE! JAYZEE LONGENUFFIN!
SW: Yeah, what he said. Okay, what's next? Commercial? Tag-team match? Marilyn Monroe naked in the ring? WHOO HOO!
NH: It'd be more like Marilyn MANSON in the ring.
SW: But he's not even dead yet.
NH: Really? Like HE doesn't have a reserved spot here. Besides, I'd rather not see him naked and I'm pretty sure Marilyn Monroe's in heaven.
(A thunderclap is heard)
Nazi: ZEN TAGOFF ZE FRENENGOOFEN! REICH UMPH ZE VOLKSVAGEN! KENT STATEZ KREW…MASSIVEOMP PACKAGZEN!
(Eddie B. plays "Hot Blooded" by Foreigner and adds some ""Tabasco" scratch. ( his term). "Massive Man" Josh and "Totally Packaged" Jim walk down the aisle, making sure not to get too close to the guard rails and ignite.)
Nazi: EN ZOOFLAH GRENATH FRENOOFIGNIN! YOOF GOTTA ENZA FREEND TAGZ TEEM CHAMPUN, PANZ ANDNOFF PLEZZA!
crowd: HA HITLA!
(Eddie cues "Hot Stuff" by Donna Summer, I think. Could be Gloria Gaynor or some other 70's disco era soul sister. If anybody knows, drop us a line at the BOB corporate office. Anyway, Jean Bannister and Sir Hungalot be-bop to the ring to the catchy tune. Candy Cantaloupes is along for the ride wearing next to nothing. But it is Hell, after all…and she really doesn't wear that much to begin with. Loud pop when the lyrics "I need some HOT STUFF baby, this evening… I need some HOT STUFF baby, tonight!" blasts from Satan's (((surround sound))) Dolby. [Special thanks to VH1's 70's countdown and "Hot Stuff" Eddie Gilbert (who entered to this) for inspiration because I'd be really embarrassed to know this song.]
SW: YEAH, BABY! I love these guys! Hey, have you seen Sir Hungalot in "Crouching Woman, Hidden Ding Dong" yet? Ya see, he plays this undercover transvestite with karate skills….
NH: Scotty, I really don't want to hear about that. I'd be really interested in talking about this Much Anticipated Inferno Match for the 'You Gotta Have Friends" Tag-Team Titles. This feud between the Kent Staters and The Three Guys is becoming one of BOB's most long running and brutal to date. Probably due to a lack of tag-teams, but nevertheless… tonight, this one will go on until someone gets crispy.
SW: Ooh, yeah. Crispy = Ratings! Some blood would be nice too. WOW! Jean didn't even wait for the bell! He's all over Josh! Sir Hungalot gets a forearm smash by Jim that sends him though the ropes and out of the ring! The Big Sir better look out for that molten lava puddle or this one's over in a hurry!
NH: Jean with a tilt-a-whirl on Josh has the young, college aged grappler writhing in pain. Jim outside to hook up with Hungalot and gets a right hand shot as he exits the ring. The former porn star measured him with that one!
SW: Measured what?
NH: I'll pretend you didn't say that. Jean now sending Josh across the ring…NO! Nice reversal. Backdrop! Jean up, dropkick by Josh! Bannister up again. Another dropkick…Jean stumbles back and falls through the ropes. Josh with a baseball slide and catches the hockey goon right on the jaw…sending him into the Flimsy and Flaming Guardrail! Look out, Jean could be looking like a KFC® entrée any second and this one could be history!
SW: NO! Jean manages to get away with only a smolder! Jim with a piledriver on Hungalot on the other side of the ring…now Josh is kicking some of those coals from the 'Pit of Eternal Damnation' on the fallen tag champ! Candy is looking worried, the titles could be slipping away!
NH: Watch for some interference from the buxom valet…
SW: Wait! She looked like she was moving in for an attack… but is stopped by a heckling fan at ringside!
fan: Hey, wanna come back to my apartment later?
Candy: I really don't think so…
(Ted Bundy reclaims his seat)
SW: Josh now over to help Jim double team Hungalot. Bannister's back inside the ring! "Massively Packaged" never saw the former NHLer try that suicide dive through the ropes…and it's a good thing too, Jean really needs to work on his high risk maneuvers! That looked like crap!
NH: Not to mention he just took out the Spanish Inquisition Announcer's table. Hey, what's going on over there?
SW: Looks like another screw job coming up! BOB, where NO match ends in a clean and undisputed finish! HEY! Do you know who that is?! The crowd is parting like the Red Sea!
(Thunderclap is heard)
SW: Excuse me! *ahem* I can't believe it!
NH: Calm down…you're starting to sound like Mike. Hey, what ARE they doing here?!
SW: SEE WHAT I MEAN?! IT'S GARRY "THE GURNEY" GREENE! "BACKBOARD" BARRY BROWN! THE AMBULANCE JOCKEYS ARE IN BOB! What in the hell are they doing here, ummmm…in Hell?! In BOB?! WHAT COULD IT MEAN?!
NH: Hmmmm, let's see. (starts counting fingers) One: Management is desperate to start a new tag-team feud. Two: The card writer has found new inspiration for his own tag-team and/or is a glory hound and wishes to get his team some gold. Character Glorification according to Neige Thirteen, that is. Three: Barry and Garry are jealous that Pain and Pleasure are the only team to hold both the STWF 3-4-1 and the BOB "YGHF" titles and are starting some guff to try and duplicate the feat. Four: Aforementioned card writer is really getting tired writing tag-team matches with Pain and Pleasure and The Kent State Krew. Well, I guess it could be a combination of all of 'em.
SW: Huh? What are you talking about? HEY! What is HE doing here?! It's Stinkbutt Nastyass!
NH: Oh no, ANYBODY but him! Keep that fart guy away from the rails, the have flames on them for Pete's sake!
SW: GOOD GOD ALL MIGHTY!
(Need I mention B-I-I-I-I-I-G thunderclap after that one?)
SW: Ummmm, I meant….I EAT COD ON FRIDAY! Stinkbutt just launched a methane torch /anal flare on Josh! He's engulfed in flames! Jim over to try and extinguish his bar-b-que buddy! Barry and Garry have Bannister in the ring, Barry has Jean by the legs and it looks like he's gonna run a "wheelbarrow race" with him! Garry moves in…. double X-Factor! They call that The Code Three Response! You know, when an ambulance goes on a 911 call with lights and sirens on….that's a CODE THREE RESPONSE!
NH: Duh-oi? I'm a nurse, you idiot. You don't think I KNOW that?!
SW: Barry outside the ring now and has Sir Hungalot…Scorpion Death Drop he calls The "Treat 'Em and Street 'Em"! Garry has Jean in The "Code Blue", a Japanese sleeper! Right in the middle of the ring too! Here comes Brandon! Right hand decks Nastyass! Brandon sends him head first into the ring post! Garry has Jean out cold and Jean's doing a nice job selling it! Now Garry's waving to Barry…Brandon helping Jim with Josh, The Ambulance Jockeys heading to opposite turnbuckles!
NH: They're going up top…
SW: Double Chris Benoit-like diving headbutts! THE MASS CASUALTY! Bannister just got cross checked from The Jocks! Hungalot back in trying to help his partner…and the hospital scrub-clad duo make a quick exit and bellow verbal threats as well as "you don't want none of this" hand gestures!
GtG: That's right, we kicked your ass!
BB: Calm down, Garry. It was only a run-in…
GtG: SHUT… THE HELL… UP, BARRY!
SW: Oh boy, things are really heating up here in Hell! Well, not literally…but you know what I mean. Gonna lose that top soon?
NH: You wish. Hey, it looks like the resident security has arrived to calm this situation. I hear the Harleys now…The Hell's Angels are here to restore some order!
SW: Wow, Pain and Pleasure vs. The Ambulance Jockeys! That might sell some tickets for our next PPV…and considering the last one, we really need all the help we can get! What could be better than two parody tag-team all-stars going at it? And I don't even think they've ever met for the tag titles when they were both in the STWF! It would be the first time EVER! Only in BOB!
NH: You're really starting to sound more like Mike everyday, Scotty. Take a non-shill pill, will ya? Well, since we never got an official decision, but Josh was burnt to a cinder, I'll assume Pain and Pleasure did in fact retain their titles…
SW: Hold up on that! Flunkie just told me that The Violent Pacifist and Da Sassy Bitch are waiting at the end of Interstate 666 for our next match! It's the "Anything You Can Get Your Hands On Along The Highway to Hell Match" for the "Are You Out Of Your Friggin' Mind" Hardcore Title! They'll start at "The Tortured Souls Diner" and fight all the way to the ring!
NH: Tortured Souls Diner? How stupid is THAT?
SW: Make fun if you want to, but the locals tell me they have the best Devil's Food cake in town!
("Highway To Hell" (The Live in Hades Version) plays as Bon Scott, joined by a band of evil demons, belts out the tune on stage next to the ramp way leading to the ring. VP and DSB waste no time tearing into each other…)
NH: And there they go! Looks like The Furor gets a smoke break instead of announcing this one. The Pacifist that's Violent with a windmill uppercut… sends the Hardcore Champ into the ditch! VP now grabbing a Tasmanian Devil that didn't quite make it across the highway and is now beating Sassy with the roadkill! Now THAT'S hardcore!
SW: The fans seem more interested in AC/DC's original singer than this one so far…but I'm sure things are gonna get steamy! VP moving over to continue his assault, gets a kick in the mouth by Da Sassy Bitch! The newly crowned champion back on his feet…rake of the eyes has VP reeling. Kneelift! Sassy has that Speed Limit 2 sign and is now going to town on Pacifist's head!
NH: Speed Limit 2?
SW: I guess in Hell they WANT you to break the law, I dunno! OOOOOH! Another hard shot leaves a dent on the sign! VP drops like a redwood! Sassy lays the battered sign over VP's face…legdrop! He's now taking him out into the middle of the street…going for a piledriver. NO! Violent P. with a backdrop and escapes, Sassy landing hard on that hot pavement…
NH: VP has found a beer bottle on the side of the road…OH MY! Drinking and driving pays off here! Sassy is busted open, not to mention having about 15 slivers of glass in his forehead! VP with a running bulldog drives the champ into the median! Pacifist now dragging Sassy down the side of the road, the match can only end inside the ring so Veep has to beat him there to regain his title…
SW: Sassy with a leg sweep drops the former champ. Suplex onto a hitchhiker!
John Wayne Gacy: Watch it, you bastard! Hey, how far is it to Chicago?
VP: Shut-up, fat boy…and GET THE HELL OUT OF THE WAY!"
crowd: HA VEEPA!
SW: VP just smacked the innocent hitchhiker! Now he has Da Sassy Bitch again and throws him up against that abandoned warehouse labeled "COMING SOON: OZZY'S BIRD SHOPPE!" I heard he' s only gonna sell doves and bats. * ahem *Moving back towards the interstate now…Sassy fired a chop that caught The Pacifist off guard. Swinging neck breaker! Sassy pulled that one out of his butt and now takes the time to shake those cobwebs. Man, he was bleeding profusely, but the heat here seems to have cauterized the wounds and slowed the flow. Good thing for him, that blood getting into his eyes could've caused vision problems later on…
BEEEEEEP! HONK! BLOOOMP!
NH: OH MY GOODNESS! Sassy just got hit by a car! So much for those questionable vision problems!
James Dean: DAMMIT! Look what you made me do to my car! Get outta the friggin' road, a-hole!
NH: Hey, that looked like Elvis in the passenger seat!
SW: Can't be…everyone knows Elvis is still alive and pumping gas in Scranton!
NH: Eew, I'd rather be in Hell…
SW: VP is going after the Elvis looking guy… gourd-buster! He's tossing the driver! And now puts Da Gimpy Bitch riding slingshot, he's getting behind the wheel! VP is driving the near totaled sports car towards the ring!
NH: We must be pushing time constraints…
SW: HERE THEY ARE! VP crashes the hot rod into the side of the ring! He now has Sassy and rolls him under the ropes. He's going up the turnbuckle…DSB trying to stand on that bad limb. Kane-like clothesline off the top rope by The Violent Pacifist! The cover…ONE… TWO…NO! How did Sassy get up from that?!
NH: Sassy is fighting back despite the injured wheel. Knee to the breadbasket stuns VP. Now Sassy pulls a shard of beer bottle out of his own forehead and slashes the challenger with it! VP has juiced! Whip into the corner, Sassy now mounting…
SW: I TOLD YOU HE WAS GAY!
NH: …the corner post…shut-up, Scotty! Sassy with a balled fist, hammering down on VP's now bloody head…
SW: Sassy stopped! The roasted peanut gallery confused him! VP takes advantage, inverted Atomic Drop! There's Jimi Hendrix handing Pacifist his trusty six-string! GUITAR SHOT FROM HELL! Sassy collapses in a mist of splintered instrument! VP covers and hooks the far leg…
Nazi: ZEN WINNERSCHNITSEL! NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW "A-Y-O-O-Y-F-M" HARDCOUFF CHAMPUN! ZEN NEEFIN VIOLENTGOOFIN PACIZIZT!
SW: Easy for him to say…
NH: Ditto. No long intermissions for this one, here comes the ominous, gigantic cage from the nearly melted rafters now!
("The Number Of The Beast" by Iron Maiden begins to play. The Stereotypical Evil Booker makes his way to the ring complete with black mask and "Masked Booker" printed on a black t-shirt. He enters the ring to a loud pop because he's deemed evil and grabs a mic. The cage lowers around him and the ring.)
SEB: Okay, the constant interference in this fed has to stop! So, for the main event, I'm bringing in a Special Referee! Hit the music…
(Eddie strikes up A Flock of Seagulls' "I Ran". The crowd erupts into cheers as a bearded and turban wearing man walks to the ring.)
SW: HOLY SNIKIES! That's the Ayatolla Khomeni! Talk about an enforcer! Disobey that guy and he'll chop your hands off!
NH: Yeah, I'm sure he's VERY familiar with dismemberment…
SW: Yep, and I see they found his arms. Good thing too, or he might have a difficult time counting somebody out…
SEB: (pushing the Nazi aside) Take a break, square-stache. THIS IS YOUR MAIN EVENT! For….THE ONLY WORLD TITLE THAT MATTERS! First, the challenger and former champion…from a place much like Hell except they have graffiti, Compton, Ca…people of Hades, this is….DOUJA!
("Into The Lungs of Hell" by Megadeth plays as douja walks to the ring with that 'What The F*ck Am I Doing Here?" look on his face. He enters the oversized cage and sizes up the now deceased, former Iranian dictator in the striped shirt.)
SEB: And now…THE ONLY WORLD CHAMPION THAT MATTERS! He used to be Sir Ronald Killalot…now we think he's Donald McKillalot. We don't care, he has the title. HERE HE IS…RONALD/DONALD MCKILLASOMETHING!
(Eddie B. cues "Hotter Than Hell" by KISS. Donald McKillalot enters to a crowd pop 10 times louder than the loudest Luke Warm EVER got. He steps into the cage and Flunkie closes the door.)
NH: Wow! It's deafening in here!
SW: What'd you expect? This guy is fresh off a win over Jesus! I'm surprised they haven't given him a key to this place yet…
NH: I thought he beat Ronald, then Ronald beat Jesus…
SW: Ah, who knows? They're all the same anyway, right? LOOK OUT! Douja didn't even wait for Hell's Bells to ring! He's all over the champion, clubbing forearms to the back of the doubled-over champ has McKillalot covering up. Douja with an Irish whip, reversal by Donald…clothesline turns douja inside out with a 360! Donald now sends douja into the corner… douja bounces out…backdrop! The challenger back up quickly, thumb to the eye slows Donald…double arm DDT rocks the new champion! Now douja has his second wind, Khomeni keeping a close eye on the action…sends the OWCTM into the steel! McKillalot drops to the canvas, pin attempt by douja! ONE….TWO…kickout by Donald!
NH: Whew! This one is fast and furious! Okay, douja drops the champ again with a stiff right. Going for a Figure four, Donald rolls him up in a small package! ONE…TWO…douja kicks out. Both men back up… Donald blocks douja's right and counters with one of his own. Snap mare takeover…misses an elbow drop as the former champ log rolled out of the way. Both up again…douja misses with a wild right hand as Donald ducked. Hee, did you catch THAT one, Scotty?
SW: Huh? McKillalot staggers douja with a forearm shiver. Off the ropes now, shoulder block decks the pot head. Kip-up by douja! Donald coming off the far ropes, douja with a standing leap-frog …the champ under and off the other side…douja tries another leap-frog. Donald caught him! Powerslam! The cover! ONE…TWO-NOPE!
NH: Ooooooh. Uppercut low blow by douja! Grabs the champ and rams him face first into the mesh! Donald could be busted open from that one. Doesn't look like it, though, as douja heads to the outside of the ring. Up top now…waiting for McKillalot to get to his feet…
SW: WHAM! What a double axe-handle! Lizzie Borden would be proud! The cover by douja! ONE…TWO…THR…NO AGAIN!
(Cut to Lizzie Borden holding a sign reading: "And Lee Harvey Oswald thought HE was a patsy?" Back to ringside...)
NH: It looks like douja and McKillalot are taking this one to the outside. Douja slams Donald into the cage door and open it comes…both men outside now. Donald retaliates and scoops douja onto his shoulder…battering rams him into the cage! He drops the challenger and gives him ample time to juice…and an inconspicuous blade job that I even missed has the champ bleeding!
SW: THERE THEY GO! The climbing the wall and heading to the top of this 25 foott high cage! Khomeni stays in the ring…anticipating a fall-through-the-roof climax and count out! Chop by douja as both try to get their footing on the chain link roof. Both sweating profusely because you know heat rises. Donald fires back with an over-head right! Pot boy grabs the champ and tries for a suplex! Ankle-to-the-back-of-the-opponent's-calf blocks the attempt and saves the champ! Donald now has douja…SIT OUT POWERBOMB!
NH: And here they come though the roof!
SW: Both men are hurt! Donald slowly crawling over to douja now after several minutes of both men laying on the mat re-cooperating, just like in the IEW! The count! Khomeni in position for the slow and deliberate "it's gotta be over" three count!
Khomeni counting: ONETWOTHREE!
SW: WHAT THE HELL? My format says, "slow and deliberate"!
NH: Mine too! The Stereotypical Booker is in the ring…maybe he'll shed some light on this!
SEB: THE WINNER AND STILL THE ONLY WORLD CHAMPION THAT MATTERS…DONALD MCKILLALOT! (shakes Khomeni's hand)
SW: Did you see THAT?!
SEB: Hey, douja…get your DUMB ASS up! You really ARE a retard, aren't you? You haven't figured it out yet, have you? What sounds a lot like S-E-B? Could it be?….
A dazed douja Saaaa-tan?
SEB: NO! You idiot! How about, S…..M……P!
(Crowd roars because I'd imagine this place really loves a good bad guy.)
douja: YOU MUDDAH F*CKA! I'LL KILL YOU!
SW: YEAH, BABY! SMP has done it to douja again! WAIT…douja is back up and clobbering SMP! Right hand, right hand, right hand backs the masked man into the ropes…douja sends him head first into the cage! McKillalot meanwhile, makes his exit with title intact! The S.E.B./SMP didn't fall from hitting the cage, but douja has him…CHRONIC NECK PAIN!
NH: Donald just got ran over by a man flying down towards the ring wearing a parka! In here? Is he nuts? He dives through the open door and slides under the bottom rope, meets douja just as the bloodied ex-champ turns around….
SW: NIPPLECUTTER! He drops the hood. IT'S SMP! IT'S SMP! Wait a minute…WHAT THE HELL? If that's SMP who the hell is the masked guy?
NH: That must mean….the masked booker was a decoy….and it also must mean that….
(Plants takes the mask off the S.E.B.)
SW: IT'S NECRO PHIL! Necro Phil is in BOB! And here comes The Jocks! They're in the ring and all four are putting the boots to douja ans "mafia stomping" the crap outta him! Club Med, for the first time in almost two years…all four members are together again!
NH: It's about time for somebody to save douja...but I don't think he has any friends! Wait, here comes Pain and Pleasure! VP close behind! They're in the ring!
SW: Jean just clobbered Barry with his hockey stick! Sir Hungalot sent Garry into the cage! VP just cleaned Necro Phil's clock with the "AYOOYFM" title! SMP's now taking the most direct route out of that cage before someone kicks his ass! DAMMIT! We're outta time! For Scotty Whatbody, I'm Nurse Heidi...GOODNIGHT FROM HELL!
NH: Boy, you really screwed that up, didn't you? For Scotty Whatbody, I'M Nurse Heidi...we'll see you at MMM 14!
SW: Whatever...I need to hit the concession stand and pick GBH up one of those "My best friend went to Hell and all I got was this stupid t-shirt" t-shirts...
NH: Yeah, and I'm burning up. I'm losing this top...
SW: WHOOOOOOO HOO!
© 2001 BOB Wrestling! Hotter Than A Two-D*cked Dog...Or Wrestling in The Unholy Netherworld