Brawlers On A Budget
 

>> home
>> upcoming shows
show archives
> 2009
> 2008
> 2007
> 2006
> 2005
> 2004
> 2003
> 2002
2001
> 2000
> 1999
>> forums
>> roster
>> title history
>> rules
>> application
>> eWrestling wiki
>> credit
>> links

NAGAM 12!

Because YOU wanted to see it!

(The lights, all two of them, shine brightly as BOB invades the "Slipped 5th Cervical Vertebrae Coliseum" in beautiful (?) downtown Break Neck Junction, Tennessee. At ringside is Scotty Whatbody, and with him this week, due to Nurse Heidi's maternity leave (another ?), is a special guest announcer. Signs can be seen, including "DIE, NEIGE, DIE!", "Neige blows!", "Neige eats SH!T", "Neige Thirteen = IQ 13", "Neige is NOT from Quebec!" (Obviously an embarrassed native Quebecois, as you can tell from his sloped forehead and sunken, beady eyes) Other signs: "douja likes smoking weed", Neige 13 = his mother killed the first 12", and "Neige Thirteen is The Anti Christ". Scotty looks elated, you would too if you were him, commentating in front of a sellout crowd of 30,000 plus!)

SW: GOOD EVENING FANS OF BOB! And welcome to The "Not As Good As Monday, Thursday Show Number 12!" Hey now, too bad it couldn't be show thirteen… that would be SO ironic it'd be funny because tonight, the guy that made 13 more infamous than "Jason Takes Manhattan" gets HIS! That's right, it's the public humiliation of Neige Thirteen, the most hated man in the world! (wide web) With me is a man that I'm sure will love every minute of "The Cinnamon Eyed Stranger" getting the big kabosh…The Smooth Operator, The Sinister Surgeon, The Dirtiest Booby Enhancer in Wrestling Today…Dr. Silaconne M. Plants!

SMP: Good to be here, Scotty. I wouldn't MISS this for the world… or even getting to enhance Jennifer Aniston's breasts!

SW: And if you do, I'd like to watch! WHOO HOO! She's hot! Anyway, what's up Nurse Heidi? I know she can't really be knocked up by GBH. Office rumors at their best, I say…. there's no way he got some of that!

SMP: Well, she supposedly did the nasty with Coma too, so I guess ANYTHING is possible.

SW: That kid is gonna have two heads. Watch what I say….

SMP: All right already, let's get the B.S. dark show stuff out of the way and get to the meat and taters. The Fire Chief got squashed in 2: 06 after The Flaming European Cigarette no-showed. Herb Romaine, in his quest to rid the world of job guys, came out and beat The Fire Fighting Indian, feathers not dots… into mush. Three "Salad Shooters" later, and The Fire Chief got extinguished. I also hear Herb's after Coma. What's up with Herb lately?

SW: Dunno. But if he plans on ridding this place of jobbers, he better pack a lunch. I wish the Flaming Cigarette guy showed up, though. I hear his finisher, "The Cigarette Butt-Butt" is a classic. Wonder what he does…

SMP: Well, if I'm not mistaken, isn't a European cigarette also called a "fag?"

SW: I thought "fag" was a bundle of sticks…

SMP: No, that's "faggot".

SW: Oh. Well I guess he's ….OOOH, now I get it! Flaming….European Cigarette. I guess his finisher has a gay-like look to it. Man, what's WITH this fed? If you're not gay or retarded or dead or gross you just can't get signed.

SMP: * Ahem *

SW: Well, unless you're the greatest wrestler alive… like you are!

SMP: Well done, you read it just as I had scripted. Here's your buck.

SW: HEY! You said 20!

SMP: So I lied. What'd you expect? I'm a heel, you idiot.

SW: And a damn good one too!

SMP: Suck up. And no more money for you, either. Moving right along, Necro Phil probably cost himself a chance at ever getting a title shot in this fed when he lost to The Dyslexic Avenger. Yes, you heard me correctly. It appears during a heated argument in the center of the ring between The D.A., Phil, and the Generic Ref… Necro was stunned to find a man that was harder to comprehend than he was. Confused and disoriented even more so that usual… Phil was easy prey as The Avenger rolled him up for the victory in 3: 48.

SW: Yeah, and that seizure Phil had after the match was awesome. What a temper!

SMP: Ummm, that's "normal" for him. The twitching and spasms are part of his gimmick. Not to mention he drinks formaldehyde like it's the cure for cancer. I'm not too sure about that foaming at the mouth bit, though. That was something new.

SW: Okay, it looks like it's time for our first on-the-air match! Man, this crowd is jacked! They're even sykked!

SMP: Sykked?

SW: All those big-time, hardcore feds use that one! And we're big-time tonight! A sellout crowd! Man, maybe BigBOSS should hire Neige again… he can sure pack a house!

SMP: Yep, 30,000 people want to see him get his ass kicked. We had to turn people away, as well. We even had to turn some WRESTLERS away, we almost had as many wanting to flog him as we did people wanting to see it happen! It's just crazy in here…

MA: Ladies and Gentlemen, this first contest of the night is set for one fall or boredom induced ringing of the bell to signify a draw. Introducing at this time, from England… It's DENNIS THE INTERVIEWER!

(Eddie B. plays some nameless piece of generic intro music for Dennis, since he'll probably never wrestle again or complain about his song. He enters the ring and makes sure his bowler's hat is very secure on his balding dome)

MA: And his opponent, from Mexico or Texas… maybe Arizona, or any other state that needs cheap labor. LI'L PEPPY POLAR!

(Eddie raids his 80's collection and plays 'Mexican Radio" by Walls of Voodoo (not Ben). The crowd cheers wildly for some reason at the lyrics 'I wish I was in…Tijuana, eating bar-b-qued… iguana." Peppy runs to the ring and ducks under the bottom rope. He would have slid but it wasn't necessary. He's a midget, you see.)

MA: This match is for Dennis' interview job! LET'S GET IT ON!

SW: And there they go!

SMP: You know, Scotty, I was wondering something. Didn't BOB just have two shows recently in Memphis? Why are we back in Tennessee again?

SW: Are you kidding me? These back woods hillbillies love this stuff! Look at this crowd! It's packed to the rafters! These fans will pay to see ANY wrestling! Even BOB! In fact, they'll pay to see ANYTHING!

SMP: Explains DollyWood…and that crappy expansion hockey team they have.

SW: OOOOH! Dennis the Interviewing Menace just nailed Peppy! What a disgusting thing to do to a dwarf! Backs the vertically challenged one into the ropes, sends him across…Peppy under that shoddy clothesline attempt with no problem, off the other side…. FLYING SHOULDER TACKLE!

SMP: Well, it looked more like a gnat flying into a brick wall to me. Peppy got the worst of that one, he bounced right off Dennis' thigh, Dennis with no signs of injury from that maneuver.

SW: Dennis has the pint sized chili picker by the scruff of his neck, LOOK AT THAT! Have you ever seen such a mean streak from an interview lackey in your life?

[Scotty Whatbody's comments do not necessary reflect the opinions of BOB or their management. So if anybody was offended by "chili picker", you can e-mail Scotty Whatbody at www.BOBwrestling.com/staff/complaints/ScottyWB/dontsueuswehavenomoney.html]

SMP: Dennis with the cover! One…Two! Peppy gets out! Dennis has him again, but Peppy with the always enjoyable "midget runs under the tall guy's legs" and delivers a dropkick to the knee as Dennis turned around to see where he went! Dennis is down!

SW: Oh yeah, the Lilliputian luchadore is going berserk! He's a tiny, wooden, third world country piss shack of FIRE! Look at him go!

SMP: He has Dennis in the corner, the 30,000 plus getting ready to count along! They're showing their support for Peppy!

SW: They're really getting behind this beanie baby sized beaner!

[See complaint site above…]

SMP: They're counting along as Peppy thumps Dennis' bald noggin'!

Crowd: Uno…

SMP: Well, it looks like counting in Spanish in support of the miniscule Mexican isn't going so well. But hey, these people are from Tennessee, they'd be lucky to count to ten in English.

SW: Peppy trying to monkey flip Dennis out of the corner but "The Question Man®" holds on! Peppy lands hard on the back of his tiny cranium. LOOK AT DENNIS TAKE ADVATAGE! Foot on the ropes for leverage, ONE…TWO…THREE!

MA: FANS, DENNIS IS YOUR WINNER!

SMP: And Dennis saves his interview job. It's a good thing, too… I don't think he'll ever make it as a wrestler. What's next, Scoot? Is it time for Neige to get his ass beat yet?

SW: Nope, commercial. Then some other filler before the most anticipated beat down since… well, EVER!


FANS! It's coming soon! That's right, BOB INVADES BOB! The Brawler's on a Budget comes to Bank One Ballpark in Phoenix, Arizona as BOB presents: SEND US MONEY: PAY PER VIEW! Only on pay-per-view! One match already signed, the Super Grudge Match of the Century-Inside a Big Blue Steel Thingee! Douja vs. Dr. Silaconne M. Plants! Special Ref- Homicidal Hank! Special Enforcer-Bohemoth! More matches to be added in the coming weeks and/or months, whichever comes first! Call you local cable subscriber or dish supplier! Just don't get the little thing that gives you free channels if you own a dish…because we need the dough. SEND US MONEY: PAY PER VIEW! Only on PAY PER VIEW! That's why we call it PAY PER VIEW!!

Proud sponsor of BOB Presents: PAY PER VIEW only on pay-per-view is---

Kong Dong Wong's Sexy Chinese Buffet! Choose from any of these delicious meals and have yourself a party watching Brawler's on a Budget!

A La Carte!

Cum Drop Soup (fresh every 6.9 days)
Pee Yu Platter (clothes pins extra charge)
Hoo Flung Poo (napkins and raincoats provided)
Suc Sum Tit (children's special)
Yung-Poon Tang (no take out orders accepted)

Luncheon Specials!
Sum Yung Chick (different and delicious)
Sum Dum Fuk (same as #1 with hot sauce)
Won Hung Lo (Chinese meatballs)
Chu Sum Twat (for parties 3 or more)
Suc Mei Pork (Chef's special nightly)
Fuc Yu Man (house special-highly recommended)

Dinner Combinations!
Sum Gulp Cum (the lo-cal special)
Tung Sum Chick (tangy red sauce available on lunar cycle)
Wai Tu Yung (not available on school nights)
Fuc Sum Now (for those in a hurry)
Cho-Kon It (generous portions provided)
Lik Mei Clit (a lip smacking treat)
Fuk Mei Slo (not available after 10 p.m.)
Sum Dum Chick (hey, you get what you pay for)
Suc Mei Wang (smothered with duc sauce)
Cum Too Soon (order early, they go fast)
Goo Wee Chick (sloppy second, no extra charge)
Goo In Hand (for those dining alone)
Suk Yu Dong (not on the menu, just flag down a waiter and ask "Suk Yu Dong?")
20% Gratuity included for parties of six or more.
Major credit cards accepted!


SW: And… we're back! And while we were gone, The Violent Pacifist came to the ring and put a "Nine Inch Nailer" on Peppy!

SMP: The VP was definitely sending a message to Commissioner Billy Polar with that attack. Or maybe he just likes beating up midgets. Who knows? Who cares? I don't…let's go to our next match.

MA: Ladies and gentlemen, this is for the "You Gotta Have Friends" tag-team titles! Introducing first, one guy is really dumb and the other is really dead…. Lenny and George, DEAD AND DUMBER!

(Eddie B, in a moment of abject confusion… plays "TAPS" because he can't find the team's intro music. Lenny drags George to the ring by his arm, loud pop. I was not talking about the crowd, probably something to do with joint stiffness due to rigor mortis setting in)

MA: And now, the "YGHF" tag-team champions! Jean Bannister, Sir Hungalot… This is PAIN AND PLEASURE!

(Eddie B. strikes up "Rock and Roll Part 2" by Gary Glitter. Yes, the VERY same song you can hear at just about any sporting event besides "Who Let The Dog's Out?" and the "Duh Da Duh Da DA! DA!… CHARGE" theme. Jean and Hungalot walk confidently to the ring with their titles over the shoulders, The Big Sir for obvious reasons.)

SW: Looks like it's going to be Jean and Lenny starting this one. Good thing for Lenny, because I don't think he'd ever get tagged in if George started.

(Cut to George who lay propped up on the turnbuckle)

SMP: Dead and Dumber got this shot due to defeating Too Lame at the last NAGAM. So, Kent State Krew… now you know. Quit skimming the cards and pay attention next time.

SW: And there they go! Jean starts things with a hard right that backs Lenny up. Lenny counters with an uppercut that dislodges Jean's falsie he must have received during his hockey days! And here I thought only Benoit looked cool with a tooth missing!

SMP: Lenny with a duck-under-go-behind and is trying for a German suplex. Back elbow by Bannister breaks that up! Bannister now with a head of steam… into the ropes and catches Lenny with a shoulder tackle. Bannister into the ropes again…. GEORGE HOOKED THE ANKLE!

SW: But he didn't move…

SMP: Sure he did, didn't you SEE that?

SW: But he's in the exact same spot!

SMP: You missed it. Jean is up and holding his nose. Makes the tag to Hungalot! Look at Lenny now… he's pointing to George in that "do you want me to tag him?" spot that always works the fans into a frenzy. And listen to THAT reaction! This place is exploding!

SW: There's the tag! Sir Hungalot wastes no time and forearms George off the apron and down to the floor before he can….ummm, get in the ring. Lenny's back in! Hungalot with a standing armbar…. forward roll by Lenny and up into a flying head scissor takeover! Sir back up… DDT by Lenny! He's outside the ring and rolls George in! He's putting George on for the cover! New Champions! New Champions! One…Two…Thr…NO! Kickout!

SMP: Here come The Ambulance Jockeys!

SW: Oooh, they said they were going to interfere! They're in the ring! What's this? The medics can't help but aid George! They have a defibrillator in the ring!

Garry: This guy is dead as hell! Skip the 200 and 300…go right to full and give me 360 joules, Barry!

Barry: Light his ass up!

Garry: CLEAR!

BZZZZZZZZZZT!

Garry: Amp of epi, get a line on this guy, CBC, lights, B.U.N., chem 20. Let's get an ABG… Duh, what else do they say on ER?

Barry: Just shock him, dumbass!

Garry: SHUT THE HELL UP, BARRY! CLEAR!

BZZZZZZZZZZT!

(George slowly rises ala The Undertaker circa 1992. The fans erupt into cheers, because they're stupid marks that would believe such a stunt)

SMP: Ah, memories. Smells like bacon in here, doesn't it, Scotty?

SW: (after a slight dry heave) GEORGE IS ON HIS FEET! Hungalot is dumbfounded…even the Jockeys can't believe it!

Bannister: Hey, ref! Disqualify them for getting help!

Generic Ref: But the Jockeys didn't really interfere!

Bannister: DAMN YOU, STUPID REF!

Garry: It's alive! A-LIVE!

SW: Wait a minute! George has Garry! Samoan Death Drop! Garry rolls to the safety of the floor… Hungalot trying to intervene, drop toe hold and into an Indian Death Lock! Let's go in time to catch Barry…Scorpion Death Drop! George is out of control, this place is going bananas!

SMP: Notice how everything he does has….

SW: DEATH

SMP: …. in it?

SW: VALLEY DRIVER ON JEAN BANNISTER! The former NHLer trying to stop this rampage but gets dumped on his head! George had Lenny…his own partner! DEATH AND TAXES! DEATH AND TAXES!

SMP: What… the hell is THAT?

SW: I couldn't remember any other moves with "death" in it. But the one he just did was inevitable. Get it? You can't escape it… just like death and taxes!

SMP: Well, maybe you can't get away from BOTH of 'em. (pats wallet)

SW: Everybody is out! Now George collapses in the middle of the ring! The effects must have only been temporary!

SMP: Garry and Barry seize the opportunity, opposite corners they go…up top. Double diving headbutts! The Mass Casualty!

SW: Generic Ref missed it because he had fainted during George's death march! Hungalot now pinning George as G.R. regains consciousness in the nick of time. ONE…TWO…THREE! The Jockeys have preserved the titles for Pain and Pleasure!

SMP: They know what they're doing. They're gonna do whatever they can to keep those straps with P&P until the next PPV. Watch and see….

MA: The WINNERS, and STILL "YGHF" tag-team champions…. PAIN…. AND PLEASURE!

SW: Well, that was just…creepy. Lenny not too happy with this ending, but maybe he should get a breathing partner next time.

SMP: I bet Dr. Fiend has given up waiting on a lightning strike and looking for a de-fib, though.

MA: Ladies and gentlemen, this is a SPECIAL REVENGE MATCH! As you know, Stinkbutt Nastyass' flatulence flare in Hell lit Josh of The Kent State Krew up like a cheap, dried out Christmas Tree with faulty wiring. Tonight, The Kent State Krew is out for vengence, even though they don't know why. Introducing, from Kent State obviously….Brandon "the Bitch Smacker", Jim "Totally Packaged' and "Massive Man" Josh….THE KENT STATE KREW!

(Eddie B. plays "She Bangs" by Ricky Martin. Loud chorus of boos because I can't think of any self respecting fan that would cheer for anybody coming out to a Ricky Martin song. Especially in the Deep South, where most folks probably think Ricky is just too good looking to be straight. The college aged trio walk to the ring and dodge debris the best they can)

MA: And their opponents…first, The Gaseous Grappler®, The Pootin' Powerhouse©, The Man That WILL Bring a Tear To Your Eye….and two men that's obviously so desperate for mat time they'll team with ANYBODY! STINKBUTT NASTYASS, INSANO MANO, AND XXXTREME MACHINE!

(Eddie B. plays a homemade intro by Chuck Fulcher, aka Stinkbutt Nastyass. It's an assortment of fart sounds and belly grumbling. The threesome come to the ring, XXXtreme Machine WAY out in front…Insano Mano has difficulties keeping his oversized Jushin Liger/Psycosis looking mask from falling over his eyes. The two keep up-wind of Fulcher, who brings up the rear with his stinky rear.)

SMP: You know, before this thing even gets started, I have to ask "WHO IN THE HELL IS EVAN KOURAGEOUS?"

SW: Like I care. He's not a heel, so his existence is inconsequential.

FROOOOOOOOOOOOOOMP!

Crowd in first three rows: AAAAAAAAWWWWH!

SW: LOOKOUT! Stinkbutt is talking shit!

SMP: Scotty, you wanna get us cancelled from network? This isn't a PPV! But it should be, imagine the buy rates BOB could rake in showing Neige get beaten to a pulp!

SW: So we get cancelled? The Frog will pick us up…. W.B. will show ANYTHING! Hey, something's going on in the ring, besides that green vapor, poot cloud from Fulcher!

Insano Mano: FUJI CAPESCA, MY EYES ARE BURNIN'!

XXXtreme Machine: damn it semlls like soemthig crawl up you ass and died youreek I',m getin the fuk out of her

SW: They've hung Fulcher out to dry! And look at the Kent Staters! They had gas masked in their trunks!

SMP: I was wondering about that. I was just going to say how these guys must be very popular at their school….

SW: They have Fulcher and send him into the ropes…. TRIPLE DROPKICK! Even if these fans think Ricky Martin is queer and booed the KSK earlier…THAT blew the roof off! They're going crazy!

SMP: Well, I wouldn't say crazy. But that sure did get a good pop from this SRO crowd here tonight.

SW: Brandon is up on the corner mugging for this capacity crowd. Josh is going up top…Jim has Fulcher in a backbreaker, and is holding him there on his knee. Josh, measuring him now….

Crowd: OOOOOOOOOOOOH!

SW: TOP ROPE LEGDROP! And while he was in a backbreaker! It's academic from here…

Crowd: ONE… TWO … THREE!

SMP: Hey, look up there at the curtain… Insano Mano and XXXtreme Machine look like they got ran over by a semi!

SW: And there's why… midway in the aisle! IT'S THE DUNGEON OF DUMB! The Witch Doctor, The Flaskmaster, Massawa the Somalian Giant, Sauerkraut, THE Sasquatch! They're heading to the ring! I guess they got tired of waiting for some action and they're going to start a fight!

SMP: Sauerkraut just leveled Jim as the DOD pour into the ring! THE Sasquatch with a BIG foot upside Josh's head! Massawa's smacking his belly, what an intimidating site!

SW: I just think he's hungry…

SMP: Yeah, what's with that guy? Now I know why Manute Bol has been absent from the NBA. Somebody get that guy a sandwich…

SW: Flaskmaster has Brandon… he's pulling something out of his trunks! It's a…. it's a….what IS that?

SMP: Looks like a spray painted piece of a bicycle tire to me….

SW: YES! IT'S THE GOLDEN SPOKE! THE GOLDEN SPOKE! Look at him carve Brandon up like a Thanksgiving turkey!

SMP: Don't say that too loud around that Massawa guy. Good grief, somebody FEED that man, if you put a penny on his head he'd look like a nail.

SW: Brandon is BUSTED WIDE OPEN! We gotta take a break! Hopefully security can break this thing up!

SMP: BOB has security? Since when?


Fans, do you ever wonder why you sit alone at home and have no friends? Do you ever wonder why you always get picked last to be on the team? Do you ever wonder why that hot chick never asked you out for a date? Well, IT'S BECAUSE YOU DON'T WATCH BOB! Order BOB Presents: SEND US MONEY- PAY PER VIEW only on PAY PER VIEW! And then be the coolest, most attractive, and down right the most exciting thing to happen in your neighborhood since old lady Smith smacked her geezer ol' husband on the head with that frying pan.


SW: Okay, we're back. I really wish we could have stayed with the Dungeon's beat down of The Kent State Krew. I haven't been this depressed since Suddenly Susan got the axe. Heel faction + face faction divided by the square root of heels beating the hell out of baby faces = Happy Scotty.

SMP: You're just jealous because those guys get more play than you…

SW: Are you joking! The closest they get to pussy is that stupid cat, Tigress!

[WARNING: Scotty Whatbody's comments were in reference to a cat sometimes being called a pussy. As in 'pussy cat'. So if you think he was talking about female genitalia, then you are mistaken. Or maybe you're not, but it keeps us in good faith with PMRC, so there.]

MA: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! This next contest is set for one fall and is for the SWISS ARMY TITLE! Introducing first, the challenger, from Canada even though he's turning Japanese I really think so. The most hated man ever in the history of history® because he thinks he's better "then" you are. NEIGE THIRTEEN!

(Eddie plays "The Power Of Love" by Huey Lewis and The News because it was the gayest sounding song I could think of for a wrestler's intro music at the time… and because "She Bangs" was already taken. Neige walks to the ring ducking everything from a Hoover vacuum cleaner to an assorted array of toilet cleaning supplies.)

SW: Man, that sure is a gay song! Speaking of gay, do you ever think Da Sassy Bitch will admit he's a peter puffer? I mean, even R.E.M.'s singer, Michael Stipe, admitted he was gay!

SMP: So? That's like the Pope finally admitting he's Catholic. I don't even know why that Stipe thing was news worthy… it wasn't like everybody on the planet didn't know already.

MA: AND NOW! He's the Commissioner of BOB! He's the Swiss Army Champion of BOB! He's a Harvard graduate, not from BOB but from Harvard! THE GREAT WHITE LUCHADORE! BILLY POLAR!

(Billy sprints to the ring as Eddie B. skritchy scratches the theme song to Monday Night Football. It just sounds cool to me, okay? And I forgot Billy's intro music. Gargantuan explosion of cheers as Billy charges down the aisle… because if Neige can bad mouth legendary face characters like Luke Warm and The Tiger and get cheered for it, then Billy can get a monster pop against him. Hell, even Satan Himself would get a standing O facing Neige. The Commish enters the ring and immediately locks up with the Albino A-hole as soon as the bell rings)

SW: Collar and elbow tie up….NEIGE COLLAPSES! Billy gently places his foot on Neige's chest…

Crowd: ONE …. TWO…. THREE!

MA: THE WINNER AND STILL SWISS ARMY CHAMPION… BILLY POLAR!

SMP: BWAAAAA HAA HAAAA! This is the greatest day ever!

SW: YES! Let the beatings begin! Here comes The Organ Grinder firm the STWF and he has J. Fred Kokomo with him! They can't wait to get to Neige!

J Fred: REEEEE! REEEEE!

SW: He's flinging monkey poo on Neige! Feces galore!

SMP: HA! He's rubbing it on Neige's head! Now his face matches that dookie covered snow cone he had tattooed on his arm! THIS IS GREAT!

SW: Here comes Bohemoth! Neige is unconscious in the middle of the ring! SMASHER! Bo's going up again! SMASHER! Up again…SMASHER! Another! SMASHER! WHOO HOO!

SMP: This crowd is going ab-so-lute-ly nuts! IT'S SOFT CORE ZACK! Could it be the wiffle ball bat? The Nerf rifle? What could Zack have in store for Neige?

Puppet voice from Zack: HELLO, BOY AND GIRLS!

SW: IT'S MR. JOCKO! Zack's highly soiled athletic supporter! And I'm not talking about those fat ladies from his high school Booster's Club, either! SMELL THE MAGIC! SMELL THE MAGIC! Whoo wee, I'm gonna piss my pants!

SMP: BWAAA HAA HAAA…HOO HOO HAAA HAAA HAAA! Too bad Zack has to return to prison after this, I could watch this stuff all night!

SW: Neige got a face full of Mr. Jocko! And he has the skid marks to prove it!

(Survivor's "Eye of the Tiger" begins to play. The building shakes with a thunderous roar)

SW: IT'S THE TIGER! THE TIGER! Ooooh, this is a long time coming! TIGER DRIVER! He nearly broke Neige in half with that one! Another one! And another!

SMP: And the hits just keep on coming….

SW: Insano Mano is back! He's taking a battered Neige over to a stack of ten tables! Through the crowd they go, some fans even getting in their licks! Insano takes Neige to the balcony and dumps him on top of the tables… a spotlight hits the rafters! It's Kamikazie Ken! KEN-TON BOMB!

SNAP!

THWACK!

CRACK!

SNAP!

CRUNCH!

CRACK!

THUMP!

SNAP!

CRACKLE!

POP!

SW: Oh yeah! That was sweet, but I think Ken might need some medical attention. Neige does too, but he won't get any.

SMP: LOOK AT THIS! IT'S GOFFER AND PZREMSLVK! They throw Neige back in the ring! They're putting the boots to him! Even his own created characters can't stand him! I LOVE IT!

(The sound of "Stuff Breaking" is heard. Scotty and SMP's commentary become barely audible over the cheering crowd)

SW: mppmpmpmhmpmh hmphmhmmhph LUKE WARM mpmmhphmp

SMP: hmpphmmxp mphmhmmpm hpmhmhpmh mmh

SW: STONECUTTER!

(Several minutes of Scotty and SMP's mouths moving, their announcing drowned out by mass hysterical cheering)

SW: We're running out of time…. NO!

SMP: Buy more air time, buy more air time! Hell, I'll pay for it!

SW: The locker rooms are emptying! The Kent State Krew is on their way! The Three Guys! Homicidal Hank! Here comes Billy "Commissioner" Polar again! The Ambulance Jockeys! The OWCTM, Donald McKillalot! Da Sassy Bitch is running down the aisle! Mittens and Justin Voss! Viet Kong! There's Don't Ask/Don't Tell! Petey the Peanut Guy! Roy D. Rage! There's Zilla! Hey, it's Herb Romaine! And Claude Leroux! There's Necro Phil! The Head Trauma Boys! The Agency! Here comes douja!

SMP: Where? Ummm, I have to take a leak. And pick up some of those spiked whips Billy was talking about…

SW: WAIT! Where ya going? Der Kommisaar and The Right Hand Man are in the ring! SPIKE PILEDRIVER! The STWF honchos really flattened Neige's big ole ego inflated head with that one!

SW: Fans! We're out of time! Everybody ever listed on the STWF or BOB roster, and those in BOB that never got on the roster, because the management never gets around to it! They're ALL in the ring stomping Neige to death! But we're out of time! For Dr. Silaconne M. Plants, I'm Scotty Whatbody and good night from the best night ever! Please visit the Rant Zone and tell us what you did to Neige in the ring, because everybody is in there! And I want to know! THE SKY'S THE LIMIT! WE'RE OUTTA TIME!


© 2001 BOB Wrestling! Not On The W.B. Yet

 

© BOB Wrestling!

Brawlers On a Budget is an online fantasy parody wrestling sports entertainment federation (or e-fed) designed to be somewhat funny.

WARNING: This site contains adult content. Surfer discretion is advised.