Brawlers On a Budget > Episodes > Send Us Money: Leader Of The Pack

Hamster Tits

[Backstage we see a huge sphere of lime bubblegum, until it bursts over the face of a girl in a pink hamster costume. She claws the gum off, pops it back in her mouth, and continues chewing as she plays with a set of Ken and Barbie dolls.]

Hamster Girl (Barbie Voice): Ken, are we going to get married in Washington DC?

HG (Ken Voice): Uh, Barbie, you know I’m too busy with my job to get married at this point in time. I’m trying for a big promotion, once I get that I’ll be ready to settle down, with financial security.

HG (BV): Ken, we are getting married. And if you try and run away from me I will hunt you down. I will hunt you down to Chinatown, mister.

[The door opens and Hamster Girl stuffs the dolls into a desk drawer as quickly as she can. She flicks her hair back and tries to act casual.]

HG: Hey guys.

[Sam, Sam The Dancing Yam and Harvey The Hardcore Hippo wave to her.]

SSTDY: So dude, I swear this chick had the biggest tits I’ve ever seen. They were like two plates of jell-o just wobbling around inside her top.

HG: Hey! I ought to knock your lights out, buster!

HTHH: You heard him?

[Hamster Girl points to her giant hamster ears.]

HG: Duh, super hearing.

SSTDY: Ah geez, I’m sorry. Hey, you’re Hamster Girl right?

[She points a thumb at her chest and smiles.]

HG: That’s me.

SSTDY: You’re the third member of our team! Boy am I glad we found you. I just read the brackets and we’re facing some team named the Kent State Krew. Sounds scary, huh?

HG: I watched all the old tapes, we can beat them. You can do anything if you set your mind to it!

HTHH: Yeah! That’s the spirit!