Brawlers On a Budget > Episodes > Send Us Money: Leader Of The Pack
Sam, Sam The Dancing Yam, Harvey The Hardcore Hippo & Hamster Girl
vs.
Jim, Josh & Brandon
  
  
NH: The following contest is the fifth match in tonight’s tournament!
[“Hello” by Lionel Richie plays.]
NH: Introducing first… Sam, Sam The Dancing Yam, Harvey The Hardcore Hippo & Hamster Girl; The New Face Team!
SW: Hamster Girl told me earlier she wanted her team to come out to 50 Cent’s song ‘Candyshop’.
TC: Didn’t anyone tell her not to talk to strangers?
SW: I dunno, but she’ll talk to anyone that gives her candy. She didn’t seem to understand what I wanted her to do with a bag pop rox though.
[“She Bangs” by Ricky Martin plays.]
NH: And their opponents… Jim, Josh & Brandon; The Kent State Krew!
TC: The Ken State Krew reunites, still oozing charisma after all these years!
Jim: Well what do we have here?
SSTDY: I’m Sam…
Brandon: Sam The Seed?! Holy shit dude, you like totally whipped Jackie Chan’s ass into shape in all those karate movies!
SSTDY: I’m a yam actually, and a dancing one to boot.
[He starts dancing. Hamster Girl smiles and joins in.]
Josh: And I’ve seen pink elephants before, but what is this bitch supposed to be?
[Hamster Girl stops dancing.]
HG: Bitch!? Why I oughta…
Jim: And a great big freaking hippo. Wow, this is what passes for competition in BOB these days?
Josh: It’s an easy way to the next round at least.
HTHH: We’re no pushovers! Sam, stop dancing for Christ’s sake, they just insulted us!
[Josh pushes Harvey over.]
Josh: See? You are pushovers after all.
HG: You’re just a bunch of bullies!
Jim: We’re heart throbs too, missy. I guarantee you used to have our posters on the wall of your bedroom.
HG: I’d never even heard of you before tonight.
Josh: You’ll be tearing the posters down with tears in your eyes after the beating we’re about to give you three jobbers. Jim, why don’t you start this one out? And go easy on them, they look a little sensitive.
Styles: Here we go fans, it’s BOB veterans versus three of our newest competitors.
TC: This one should be a barn burner.
Styles: Harvey The Hardcore Hippo and Jim starting this match out. Test of strength easily turned into a top wristlock by Jim. Pulls the carpet out from under Harvey with a trip and locks in a head and shoulder hold. Sam comes in and stomps Jim to break up the move.
TC: Jim’s catch-as-catch-can abilities are unrivalled, the New Face Team has no option but to try and avoid his technique like the black plague.
SW: You’re basically saying they can’t wrestle.
TC: Well, Hamster Girl knows that one move she uses as a finisher.
Jim: Pfft, I’ve been doing that move since the 5th frickin grade.
TC: How did he hear us?
Styles: Jim hauls Harvey’s body weight up and snaps him over with a head and arm-trap suplex. There’s the cover. 1, 2, and Harvey kicks out.
TC: Jim is dominating so far.
Styles: Jim throws a keylock on Harvey, who screams out in pain.
TC: Jim can make any hold more painful than you’ve ever even imagined.
SW: Yeah, but, to be honest he’s fighting a giant fucking teddy bear.
Styles: Jim pulls back and hits a soccer kick to Harvey’s spine before tagging out to Brandon.
TC: Harvey’s eyes are glazed over.
Styles: Brandon with a snapmare and a dropkick to the back. 1, 2, and Harvey kicks out. Brandon slingshots as the hardcore hippo stands and dropkicks him hard, sending him right out of the ring.
[Sam, Sam and Hamster Girl boo and hiss.]
TC: Harvey looks a little punch drunk on the outside.
Styles: Brandon runs off the ropes and takes to the air like a flying squirrel, but Harvey ducks and rolls out of the plancha’s landing zone. The referee starts the count and Harvey tags Hamster Girl into the match.
[Hamster Girl finishes off the taffy she was eating and skips to the apron.]
HG: La-di-da-di-di.
SSTDY: Come on girl, get your head out of the clouds!
HG: Oh, right.
Styles: Hamster Girl runs along the apron and hits a diving hip attack on Brandon.
SW: I bet under that pink hamster costume she’s got a creamy set of thighs.
Styles: Scotty!
HG: You want some more?
Styles: Hamster Girl tries to climb up on the guardrail, but loses her footing and falls into a fan’s lap.
Fan: Hey, I got me my very own Powerpuff Girl!
Styles: As Brandon stands laughing and pointing, Hamster Girl grabs the fan’s beer and smashes it over Brandon’s head. She tries a second time to balance on the guardrail and hits another flying hip attack.
Vicky Jean: Get back in the ring!
Styles: Hamster Girl climbs in through the ropes and tags Sam. Brandon then rolls in and tags out to Josh. Josh charges at Sam and takes him over the top rope with a cactus clothesline.
Vicky Jean: For crying out loud!
Styles: Josh rolls Sam back in with a smile on his face. He continues to smirk, and takes his time getting back into the ring. Sam surprises him with a boot to the gut and a DDT. Vulcan Death Grip applied!
SW: What a nerd.
TC: The move seems effective though, Josh is hollering like a one legged man on a pogostick.
SW: What the hell kind of an analogy was that?
Styles: Sam takes the other hand and makes it a double. He drags Josh by the neck to his team’s corner so he can tag Harvey back in. The hardcore hippo takes a few steps back, makes a picture frame with his hands, and drives a diving shoulder right in Josh’s mouth. 1, 2, and he kicks out.
SW: That was weird.
Styles: Harvey whips Josh to the turnbuckles, but Josh lifts a foot as he charges and knocks him on his back. Josh scoots up to the second rope and lands a diving double axe handle. 1, 2, and no. Josh climbs up to the top rope facing the audience and starts dancing.
SW: It’s like Saturday Night Fever.
Styles: Harvey crawls unnoticed to his teams corner and tags Sam. Sam starts dancing himself. Josh looks back over his shoulder and hops down to the mat. Sam ducks a clothesline and rocks him with a right hand.
Josh: Dude, you totally punch like a girl.
Styles: There’s a kick and a Leap Of Fate! Jim and Brandon run in and block Harvey and Hamster Girl. 1, 2, 3!
NH: Here are your winners… Jim, Josh & Brandon… The Kent State Krew! |
