Tornado Thursday Night 6/17/99
[Camera opens on an interior shot of The Dome. Rabid fans hold up signs such as "The Bookerman is NOT a dirty bastard" and "Don't Drop The Soap in the Pink Corner". We are whisked away to our announce team of "Sellout" Sammy Smith and Scotty Whatbody.]
SSS: Welcome fans to another exciting edition of Tornado Thursday Night. We have wonderful weather tonight under the dome. And with me tonight as always is Scotty Whatbody.
SW: What did I ever do to deserve this?
SSS: Hush up Scotty. You have a cake job and you're complaining? Sheesh!! Let's run down the card. First, we have The Managing Guy vs. The Managing Dude in a Loser Leaves WWF match.
SW: Who cares? Neither of them are wrestlers, so it doesn't matter who wins. Total filler material. Next.
SSS: Next up is Mishimoto San vs. The Extreme Jock. This will be Mishimoto San's debut here in the Whatever Wrestling Federation.
SW: Another dull match. I still say the Jock got screwed out of his Calorically Challenged Title.
SSS: In our third bout of the evening, we have Mike "The Hammer" Collins vs. BirdBoy.
SW: I don't like either of these guys, but I see a cakewalk for BirdBoy. He has proven himself time and time again.
SSS: Yeah, but he is apparently getting ready to retire, so who knows? Then, in a YGBCIADT title match, we have The Embalmed Guy facing off against The Dude.
SW: Why is that crazy old coot even thinking about stepping into the ring against the champion in his first ever bout? He must be ready to die now.
SSS: And in our main event, we have a tag team matchup with the unlikely pairing of "Handsome" Hank Hawkins and "Cold Stone" Steve Roberts facing off against the BOSS' Club consisting of Roy D. Rage and the legendary Masked Marauder who by the way is the new WWF Champion.
SW: I see Hawkins and Roberts putting their differences aside and working as a unit to destroy that sickening Marauder and Rage.
SSS: Well, let's go to the ring for our first match. Take it away Bubba.
Bubba: Our first match is a Loser Leaves WWF Match. Introducing first, THE MANAGING GUY!!
[The Theme Music plays and The Managing Guy walks to the ring. He leans in one corner awaiting The Managing Dude.]
Bubba: And his opponent, THE MANAGING DUDE!!!
[The Theme Music plays yet again as The Managing Dude makes his way to the ring. He steps between the top and middles ropes and into the ring. ]
SSS: I understand that The Men are opting to stay out of this one. They are all backstage. Here we go. TMG starts out with a nice enzuigiri kick that puts TMD flat on his back. The cover. 1...2...kickout!
SW: Quick pins almost never work. They are virtually pointless.
SSS: Now an airplane spin by TMG and he dumps him down on the mat. Now he picks TMD up by the hair and receives a thumb to the eye for his trouble.
SW: That gives new meaning to an eye for an eye.
SSS: That didn't make sense Scotty.
SW: You're right. Now I know how the Pilgrims felt.
SSS: Just shut up and watch. A tilt a whirl backbreaker followed by a knee to the throat has TMG in serious trouble. Now a pickup into a running Liger bomb. The cover. 1...2....shoulder up!!!! He almost had him there.
SW: This match reminds me a lot of D-Day.
SSS: Can I get some help here for Scotty? He is hallucinating. Uh oh! TMD has TMG outside on the ring apron. He picks him up and delivers a punishing tombstone piledriver onto the concrete. He rolls him into the ring and covers him. 1...2...3!!
Bubba: Here is your winner, THE MANAGING DUDE!!!
[The Men walk out to the ring to celebrate with The Managing Dude. They all scoff at The Managing Guy as he slinks out of the arena to never be seen again.]
SSS: Well, I guess that does it for The Managing Guy. He had a nice run while it lasted.
SW: Yes, he is a modern day Napoleon.
SSS: What have you been smoking Scotty?
SSS: That explains everything. Let's go to Bubba for our next matchup.
Bubba: Ladies and gentlemen, our next match is set for one fall, introducing first, MISHIMOTO SAN!!!
[Mishimoto San walks out to the ring accompanied by Chef Shang Hi. They climb into the ring and bow at each other.]
Bubba: And his opponent, THE EXTREME JOCK!!
[The Extreme Jock scoots out to the ring on a waverunner which is really amazing since there is no water to ride one on. He circles the ring a couple of times and jumps off onto the apron.]
SSS: And they lock up. Mishimoto San has the early advantage. He picks The Jock up for a thunderous bodyslam. And he drops a big leg across the chest of the Jock. Now a pickup into a running powerslam. The cover. 1....2.........NO!! The Extreme Jock kicked out.
SW: The Jock won't last long. Mishimoto San is too big and strong for him.
SSS: Now a kneeling piledriver by Mishimoto San. Now he is playing to the crowd. They give him a mixed reaction. A high pickup into a brainbuster has The Extreme Jock out. 1...2....kickout!!
SW: Where does the Jock get the energy to kick out?
SSS: Now The Extreme Jock is in command with a flying headscissors followed by an inverted atomic drop.
SW: I'd have a serious problem if he did that to me.
SSS: Now a frog splash connects and the Jock goes for a cover. 1....2.......NO!! Mishimoto San is very disoriented and The Extreme Jock connects with a Victory Roll. 1....2.......KICKOUT!!!
SW: This offensive flurry won't last long. Looky who's coming down the aisle.
SSS: Its The Dude and The Managing Dude. The Dude gets the timekeeper's bell while TMD distracts SuperRef. OUCH!! He just whacked The Extreme Jock with the bell. And now The Dude and The Managing Dude are getting the hell outta Dodge.
SW: He obviously did that because he knows he will have to defend against the Jock b/c The BOSS made him the #1 contender at On Time. But that's only if he retains the belt against The Embalmed Guy.
SSS: And Mishimoto San executes the Overgrown Bomb for good measure and makes the cover. 1...2...3!!
Bubba: Here is your winner...MISHIMOTO SAN!!!
SSS: That's a big win for Mishimoto San. Of course he had a little help, but that's okay.
SW: Oh, but if it were The Green Mosheen, it wouldn't be okay..I see.
SSS: Let's just go to Bubba, kay?
Bubba: Introducing first, standing 6'5" and weighing 275 pounds, here is MIKE "THE HAMMER" COLLINS!!
["The Hammer" makes his way to the ring to a decent pop. He waits in the corner for BirdBoy.]
Bubba: And his opponent. He is a former WWF "You Gotta Be Crazy I Ain't Doin' That" Champion. Here is BIRDBOY!!!!
["Bird is the Word" plays and the crowd erupts for BirdBoy. He steps to the entryway and the crowd roars its approval. He slowly walks to the ring taking pictures with little kids and slapping hands with the fans. He steps in the ring and faces Collins. Then he asks for a mic.]
BirdBoy: Fans of the WWF, I have a little announcement to make. I am announcing my retirement from wrestling. I would, however, like to request one more match next week against Pigeon so I can go out with a win. Thank you all for your support.
["Born in the USA" by Bruce Springsteen plays as The BOSS comes out to the entryway.]
BOSS: BirdBoy, I want to thank you for everything you've done in this federation. You have been one of my most loyal wrestlers. Therefore, next week, in your retirement match, you will be facing the one and only Masked Marauder in a hamster wheel match for the WWF World Championship. Good luck in all your endeavors.
SSS: WOW!! What an announcement by The BOSS. Here we go. BirdBoy starts off quickly with a scoop slam followed by a series of stomps. Now a pickup into a gourdbuster by Birdie.
SW: BirdBoy looks really focused.
SSS: He nails a beautiful senton splash off the top rope. Now he climbs to the top and connects with the Fly Away!!! Now he reaches into his tights and pulls out a razor blade. He cuts himself, then Collins. Blood is everywhere.
SW: BirdBoy going right for the kill.
Bubba: Here is your winner...BIRDBOY!!!
[The crowd goes wild as BirdBoy helps Mike Collins to the back.]
SSS: We've got two matches left. So let's get crackin'.
Bubba: Our next match is set for one fall with a WHAT?!? A thirty second time limit? You've gotta be kiddin' me. And its for the WWF YGBCIADT Title. Introducing first, in his debut, THE EMBALMED GUY!!!
[The Embalmed Guy and Bag make their way to the ring to a nice little pop.]
Bubba: And his opponent, he is the current WWF YGBCIADT Champion...here is THE DUDE!!!
[The Entrance Music plays and The Dude walks to the ring accompanied by The Guy and The Managing Dude.]
SSS: I don't understand why there's only a thirty second time limit, but here we go. And The Embalmed Guy is beating the hell out of The Dude with Bag. He is relentless. And there's the bell. This is a time limit draw. But here come The Managing Dude and The Guy and they're stomping a mudhole in The Embalmed Guy.
SW: He deserves it for thinking he could wrestle at his age.
SSS: WAIT!! Here comes The Managing Guy with a 2 x 4. And The Men scatter.
Bubba: Ladies and gentlemen, this match has resulted in a time limit draw.
SW: I thought The Managing Guy was gone. Well, I guess that was his final final appearance.
Bubba: Ladies and gents, its time for our main event. Introducing first, the team of "Handsome" Hank Hawkins and "Cold Stone" Steve Roberts.
[The duo make their way to the ring and choose a corner.]
Bubba: And their opponents, representing The BOSS' Club and accompanied to the ring by The Bookerman, here are ROY D. RAGE and THE MASKED MARAUDER!!!
[The BOSS' Club makes its way to the ring and get in their corner.]
SSS: It will be Rage and Roberts to start this one out. Rage starts off with a series of vicious lariats to the throat of Roberts. Now a pickup into a piledriver. And he tags in the Marauder.
SW: Not that piece of shit.
SSS: Now the Marauder really working over the leg of Roberts. He drags him over to the corner and rams it repeatedly into the ring post. He climbs back into the ring and applies the spinning toehold. And Roberts is tapping!!!!
Bubba: Here are your winners, as a result of a submission...ROY D. RAGE and THE MASKED MARAUDER!!!
SSS: And now Hank has snapped apparently because he never got tagged in. And he's beating the hell out of Roberts. Here comes Mom with her Big Bad Wooden Spoon (TM). And Hawkins has Roberts bent over his knee and is spanking him for the second time at a TTN.
SW: THE CARNAGE!!!
SSS: We can't keep the cameras rolling any longer. For Scotty Whatbody, I'm the "Sellout" Sammy Smith and we'll see you next week.
[Camera closes to Hank doing The Big Wiggle on Roberts.]
© 2004 BOB Home Video!
1999 Whatever Wrestling Federation