Tornado Thursday Night 9/02/99
Now With Vitamin C!!!
[Camera pans the interior of the Dome. The arena is full, but nobody seems to care that the camera is focused on them. We cut to the announcers' table and "Sellout" Sammy Smith and Scotty Whatbody.]
SSS: Welcome everybody to Tornado Thursday Night!!! We've got a great card for you tonight!
SW: Don't lie to them Sammy. You know we are gonna suck eggs tonight. That other show is on hiatus.
SSS: Oh shut up Scotty. Of course Tornado Thursday Night will be good. Our first matchup pits BirdBoy, the reigning YGBCIADT Champion against Mishimoto San. Let's go to Bubba.
[Mishimoto San receives the jobber entrance and is already in the ring.]
Bubba: Ladies and gentlemen, introducing first, Mishimoto San!!!!! And his opponent, he is the current WWF YGBCIADT Champion....BirdBoy!!!!
["Fly Away" by Lenny Kravitz plays as BirdBoy saunters out to the ring with the belt over his shoulder. Mr. Pecker is on his other shoulder.]
SSS: And here we go. Mishimoto San starts it out with a hammerlock on double B. Standing switch and the Boy Wonder is in control.
SW: I WANT BLOOD!! I WANT BLOOD!!
[Ironically, Gangrel arrives in an amazing puff of smoke, realizes that he is in the wrong WWF, so just as quickly he disappears in an equally amazing puff of smoke.]
SSS: I'll choose to ignore that. BirdBoy with a pickup and slams Mishimoto San down on the arm. Now he's yanking away at that injured arm of the Oriental. He steps through the ropes onto the apron and jumps over snapping Mishimoto's arm across the top rope.
SW: I like this new, more ferocious BirdBoy. I'm glad to see that he dropped the BOSS' Club too. That stable is for losers.
SSS: You would think so, Scotty. Sheesh! Now BirdBoy has Mishimoto San in a cross arm breaker. And the big Oriental is tapping out! But BirdBoy won't let go!!
[The Bookerman appears at the entryway and runs down to the ring. He tries to talk BirdBoy into letting go of the hold. BB finally obliges and jumps up in the Bookerman's face.]
Bookerman: BirdBoy!!! What has gotten into you? You were on top of the world in the BOSS' Club. You had all the fast cars, beautiful women, and everything else you could possibly want. Not to mention that you are the current and only two time, two time WWF YGBCIADT Champion.
BirdBoy: Don't give me that crap!!!! After I joined the BOSS' Club, I lost my World Title. And I hold YOU personally responsible.
Bookerman: Apparently, you are forgetting who signs your check little boy. I didn't have a thing to do with your losing the title. It was your sheer incompetence that cost you the gold. Frankly, I don't even know why The BOSS wanted you in the most elite stable in all of professional wrestling.
BirdBoy: This belt around my waist don't mean squat to me old man. And neither do you!!!!
[BirdBoy hits the Bookerman with his title belt sending him to the mat in a heap. He picks up the Bookerman's limp body and sets it up on the top turnbuckle. He reaches under the ring and pulls out a ladder and sets it up in the ring. BirdBoy climbs to the top of the ladder and executes the Fly Away on the Bookerman.]
SSS: Oh my God!!! He just assaulted an executive of the WWF.
SW: Its about time somebody stood up to The BOSS and his stooges. This just proves that The Bookerman is indeed a dirty bastard.
SSS: He is not!!! Bite your tongue Scotty. And here come the three remaining members of the BOSS' Club!! Its Roy D. Rage, The Masked Marauder and B.F. Sack!!!! They aren't attacking BirdBoy, but Roy D. Rage is backing BirdBoy away from The Bookerman's crumpled frame. Here comes The Domino out to the ring!!!! He attacks B.F. Sack!!! He is pounding away at the former STWF Champion. Roy realizes what is going on and is now helping B.F. Sack. BirdBoy just climbs out through the ropes and stares at the carnage for a few minutes before leaving up the ramp. And here come Garry Greene and Barry Brown with a stretcher for the Bookerman.
SW: Yeah, we can't afford a real EMS crew, so we just give them a little extra on their paycheck.
SSS: Well, the ring is finally cleared. I'm sure that BirdBoy hasn't heard the last of The Bookerman. Nevertheless, let's go to Bubba for our tag title match.
Bubba: Already in the ring, I introduce to you, Trashcan Man and Compactor Bill.....THE GARBAGE COLLECTORS!!!!!
[Trashcan Man and Compactor Bill look around the ring confused. They finally realize they have a title shot and take off their outer gear.]
Bubba: And their opponents..they are the current WWF tag team champions, here are Diontray and Leon, THE FUMBUCKERS!!!!
[The Fumbuckers have spraypainted the tag straps pink and they skip to the ring.]
SSS: Supey is hesitant to check the Fumbuckers for weapons, so he just rings the bell. Leon springs into action as he spears Compactor Bill. He picks him up and hits him with a hanging vertical suplex. And he follows that with a elbow drop. Now he's grinding his hips over Bill.
SW: I'll bet thats got Diontray excited.
SSS: I bet it does, because he just came in without a tag. And he and Leon are doing the Charleston in the center of the ring. But that gives Bill a chance to regroup...and Trashcan Man is in the ring. Trashy with a series of lariats on the Fumbuckers!! Now a double noggin knocker by Compactor Bill. Trashy powerbombs Leon and throws him out of the ring.
SW: This doesn't look good for Diontray. Although I heard he likes a good threesome. Wait, can I say that on this server?
SSS: Oh Lord...we're gonna lose our license because of you Scotty. Oh my goodness!!! A Garbage Driver on Diontray by Compactor Bill. He and Trashcan Man climb opposite turnbuckles...could it be??? Yes!! THE BIG STANK!!!!!! Hold the phone!!!! Here come the Ambulance Jockeys again!!! They are beating the crap out of the Fumbuckers!!!
SW: YES!!! The bad guys get to keep the straps for even longer!!!
[The brawl continues all the way through the curtain where they all stop and shake hands and share a nice keg of Milwaukee's Best. Wait!!! Forget what I said, that was breaking kayfabe...plus, why would anybody want to drink the former STWF tag champs anyway?]
Bubba: Here are your winners as a result of a disqualification...THE FUMBUCKERS!!!!!
SSS: Well, that was a waste of good air time. Now we have our Push Impaired Title Battle Royale!! And here come the contestants filing out from the back.
SW: There's Pigeon, the champ. He's my favorite to win this one. And there's Kindike Mutabwe and Dr. Juan Jose Julio Juarez close behind.
SSS: Falling in step behind them are the San Jose Ostrich, Johnston Powers...a former Push Impaired Champ, The Cliq, Big Head Ralph, El Jabronie Loco, and The Extreme Sissy.
SW: Who's that masked monster at the end? He is huge!!
SSS: As you can tell by the bean on his mask, that is The Masked Garbanzo...he must be somebody from Fictional Friday.
SW: By the way, what happened to our results for Fictional Friday this week?
SSS: Shhh Scotty. The Ghostwriter is on vacation this week. We've got to go with the comedic stylings of The BOSS this time around.
SW: D'OH!!! But he's so boring!
[A giant anvil falls on Scotty's head. The BOSS makes his way out to ringside to a huge pop to do color commentary.]
SSS: Well, ladies and gents, I'm glad to welcome the one and only BOSS to the booth.
BOSS: Thanks Sammy. Glad to be here. This match here should be a pretty good battle between a lot of young, hungry underused competitors.
SSS: Well, there's the bell and we're under way. Pigeon and Big Head Ralph have formed sort of a union as they are attacking the very lanky Kindike Mutabwe. Johnston Powers and The Cliq are in a neutral corner slugging it out.
BOSS: You know...I got together with the Bookerman, and we decided that the Push Impaired Title isn't defended enough, so we threw this together.
SSS: Another exceptional job of booking. Hey, where did this Masked Garbanzo guy come from BOSS?
BOSS: He just showed up in the main offices one day. At least he's inexpensive. He is just standing there, but at least he's an addition to the WWF.
SSS: The big masked man is moving now. Chokeslam on The Extreme Sissy....the same for Big Head Ralph. El Jabronie Loco and The Cliq go after him as a team and receive a double chokeslam. He picks Johnston Powers up and delivers a devastating brainbuster. The San Jose Ostrich, Kindike Mutabwe, Dr. JJJJ and Pigeon are the only ones left standing. A double clothesline sends the Ostrich and Dr. Juarez to the canvas. The Masked Garbanzo tombstones Kindike Mutabwe leaving only Pigeon left standing.
BOSS: Hey, this Garbanzo guy is pretty good. But this would put him out of the Jobber Class...hmmm....
SSS: He lifts Pigeon up and powerbombs him through the mat. No one is left standing..but its not over yet. What's this??? The Masked Garbanzo picks himself up by the collar and heaves himself over the top rope. Why is the bell ringing?
BOSS: This is for the Push Impaired Title, remember? The first one to lose actually gets the gold.
Bubba: Here is your winner and NEW Whatever Wrestling Federation Push Impaired Champion....THE MASKED GARBANZO!!!
[It takes the Ambulance Jockeys a solid thirty minutes to clear the ring of all the unconscious bodies. When they finally get it ready, The BOSS walks up the steps and into the ring.]
BOSS: Now, I have a couple of things to address right here and now. First of all, BirdBoy...I don't know where you get off attacking an executive of the WWF, but I'm going to put a stop to it. I'm not going to fine you...that's not enough. You are a well paid employee. Here is how I am putting an end to your violent displays. Next week, here on Tornado Thursday night, you will face one of the most technically sound wrestlers ever...and that is B.F. SACK!!!!!!
[Crowd gives a huge pop.]
BOSS: Not only that BirdBoy, but at Pay-For-Nothing, if you make it past next week, you will defend your YGBCIADT Title against The Bookerman himself in a Rubik's Cube match. First one to figure out the puzzle wins. Now, Mr. Domino, I haven't forgotten you. At the PPV, you also will have your hands full. You will be facing B.F. Sack in a loser leaves WWF match!
[Crowd pops again.]
BOSS: Yeah, that's right. It looks like you boys have bit off more than you can chew. Enjoy the rest of this week's TTN.
[The BOSS exits the ring and rejoins Sammy Smith at the announcers' table.]
SSS: Wow!! That was huge! What made you decide that?
BOSS: Well, Sammy, BirdBoy has been complaining a lot lately for no reason really. He has it made. He has essentially had a title ever since he's been here. And when he was in The BOSS' Club, he had it made, but alas, he didn't like it. Too bad, so sad.
SSS: Okay, well, let's go to Bubba for our NQGETBWC Title matchup.
Bubba: Our next match is set for one fall with no time limit. Introducing first..the challenger...LENNY DUCK!!!
[Lenny Duck waddles to the ring to the sound of dozens of ducks quacking.]
Bubba: And his opponent..he is the current WWF NQGETBWC Champion....DR. SILACONNE M. PLANTS!!!!!
[Crowd pops as "Smooth Operator" plays over the speakers. The music plays for a solid five minutes before the good doctor drags himself to the ring. Sweat is pouring off of him.]
SSS: What is wrong with Dr. Plants, BOSS?
BOSS: Well, I was unaware of it, but he has just returned from defeating Sergeant Genocide and Mittens the Mannerless to gain the STWF's Intergalactic Title. I apologize for the silky surgeon for having to work so hard.
SSS: Well, he does look very tired. He's up for a huge test against the mischievous mallard. There's the bell and we're underway. Dr. Plants starts it off with a running clothesline...followed up by a swinging neckbreaker. A pickup into a vertical suplex and down to the mat. Cover by Plants. 1...2....Kickout!
BOSS: SMP doesn't look like he's too worn out after all. And Lenny Duck isn't putting up much of a fight at all.
SSS: SMP sends him into the ropes and catches him off guard with a tilt a whirl backbreaker. A powerbomb takes even more out of Lenny. The Smooth Operator climbs the turnbuckle and comes off with a frog splash. He misses!!!!
BOSS: That could be a turning point in this match. SMP was in the driver's seat until now. Let's see how he recovers.
SSS: Lenny Duck picks him up for a nice body slam. He drops a pair of elbows on SMP before the cover. 1.....kickout by Dr. Plants.
BOSS: He should have known better than to try to cover the double champ so quickly.
SSS: Now a traditional piledriver by Lenny Duck crunches the neck of SMP. He follows that up with a double underhook suplex. He's pointing to the crowd...he sets up SMP and executes the Beakz Blaster Factor!!!! 1....2............NO!!!! SMP slides out of the pin. Now he's fired up...he is hammering away at the head of Lenny Duck. He picks Lenny Duck up into a hanging vertical suplex....oh no!!!!!! He couldn't hold him up. Lenny Duck falls down on top of him and pulls the tights. 1.....2.......3!!!!!
Bubba: Here is your winner and NEW WWF NQGETWC Champion....LENNY DUCK!!!
BOSS: Well, I guess fatigue was the deciding factor in that match. Again, I apologize to SMP for having to wrestle two big matches so closely together...but congrats to Lenny Duck.
SSS: Well, its time for our main event.
[Camera cuts to Roy D. Rage's dressing room. He is lying face down on the floor with a domino spraypainted on his back. We cut back to a fuming BOSS. He jumps up and rolls under the bottom rope. Sammy Smith throws him a live mic.]
BOSS: DOMINO!!!!! I know you were behind this! I ought to suspend your worthless carcass, but I'm not. Because you re going to pay dearly when you have to face B.F. Sack at Pay For Nothing. You don't mess with The BOSS' Club and get away with it. Got it, punk?
[The Domino slides out from under the ring and sneaks up behind The BOSS. He taps the BOSS on the shoulder and when he turns around, it hits him with a pair of brass knuckles. He then puts The BOSS in the Domino Effect.]
Domino: This is what I think of you, B.F. Sack, and the rest of The BOSS' Club!!! I've got a few surprises up my sleeve for you, old man. I'll be more than ready for Sack at Pay For Nothing.
[The Domino spits on The BOSS' limp body and walks back up the ramp and out of the arena as the camera fades to a Cheez Whiz commercial.]
© 2004 BOB Home Video!
1999 Whatever Wrestling Federation