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It was a cool and clear evening in Sin City on the evening of January 28, 2009. When last the galaxians tuned in for iMPLOSION, Steve Studnuts had all the gold (or a reasonable facsimile of "gold") in Brawlers On a Budget. But how things have changed. First there was MegaBrawl II, where Dr. Silaconne M. Plants became the second ever Grand Slam Champion. Then…well, nothing much of note happened. Some black guy is in a White House, I guess.

Michelle: Uh, Detached Narrator. What are you doing?

Hmm? What do you mean, Michelle?

Michelle: This isn't the SCRIPT I sent you to narrate.

Oh, I know. I felt the script was a bit too limiting. I need more creative freedom. More style. More zazz.

Michelle: Did you just use the word "zazz" on a BOB show? You're so fired.

Total Non-Action Wrestling iMPLOSION! #15

[Open with pictures of bombs, falling buildings, black holes, and a graph of BOB's television ratings and buy rates. It's iMPLOSION time, kids. Cross the Lame! Are you happy now?]

Michelle: I work here, stupid question.

[Cut to ringside. BOB's back "home" at the Riviera. Wonder if it's still haunted by the Spirit Quad? A small crowd of galaxians are there. Some have signs, like that guy wearing glasses who has the "Blames Varga" sign, with an arrow pointing down. He's also wearing a flannel shirt over a custom made T-shirt that reads "ames arga Is A unt." Uh, I don't get it. Weird fans. Oops. My bad. Weird galaxians. Let's head over to ringside.]

StylesScotty Whatbody

Styles: Hello everyone, and welcome to Brawlers On a Budget 2009! Welcome to Total Non-Action Wrestling iMPLOSION! And welcome back to Sin City! I'm Mikey Styles, along with Scotty Whatbody.

SW: Hey, Styles, did you ever hear that there's a puppet on "Sesame Street" that has the HIV virus?

Styles: Um…yeah.

SW: How the hell does a puppet get HIV? Was Jim Henson raw dogging the puppet when he was making it? Does the puppet dude need a hand condom? I mean, seriously. What's next? A clown infected with SARS?

Styles: That was completely random.

SW: So you got a new contract? Damn. I was hoping Kid Pirate would get me a wench co-host. We could just sample your voice and save a ton of money.

Styles: Please don't give Michelle or Kid Pirate any ideas. Speaking of Kid Pirate, he is the Acting BigBOSS, as we still haven't heard a word from BigBOSS in ages.

SW: Did he sleep with an IRS agent's underage daughter or something?

Styles: He's happily married.

SW: Happily married? That's like military intelligence. Two words combined that can't make sense.

Styles: Alright, already. There's a lot we've got to get to, and we're just about a month away from Bearly Legal, BOB's next huge On-Demand event. We already know the main event, as Dr. Silaconne M. Plants will defend his title against the number one contender American Panda. And we learned that SMP and American Panda will team up tonight to defend the Not Good Enough to Fight Alone Tag Team Titles against Thomas Largeman and the Wizard, who became the number one contender for those titles at MegaBrawl II.

*CREEEAAAAK*

SW: That damn ship is so annoying.

[Cut to the ring, which is in the middle of the main deck of a pirate vessel. Yes, BOB has gone all out with a pirate ship set. It's got the sails (covered with advertisements for BOBWRESTLING.COM), the cannons, even a flag with Death's picture on it. The steel ring posts have been replaced with four wooden masts.]

SW: When can we break into the rum?

Styles: Soon, hopefully.

SW: All I can think right now is thank God Kevin the Pyromaniac isn't here. It's a pyromaniac's wet dream.

Kid Pirate

["Yo Ho (A Pirate's Life For Me)" by Jonas Brothers hits. The galaxians boos. The song, presumably. Kid Pirate emerges, and he walks the plank to the ring. Yes, instead of a ramp or an aisle, the wrestlers will need to walk a plank to the ring.]

Styles: What a response from the BOB galaxians, Scotty.

SW: *Coughcoughcoughcough* The WHAT?

Styles: The galaxians! All the galaxians here tonight who paid their hard earned money to see BOB live!

SW: ... The *BLEEP*?

Styles: Scotty! Watch your language, we're on TV!

SW: Are you HIGH? Galaxians? They're *BEEP*

Styles: Please, watch your mouth!

SW: F-A-N-S is a four-letter word?

Styles: Didn't you get Michelle's memo? We can no longer refer to them as the f-word. Galaxians is the new, well, you know.

*THUD THUD THUD*

Styles: Careful, Scotty. You might dent our desk.

SW: What the *BEEP* does that even mean? Galaxians?

Styles: I don't know.

KP: Yo ho yo ho, Sin City!

[Galaxians boo.]

KP: Plants, ye'll pay fer what ye've done.

SW: Did he Nipple Cutter Pretty Boy again?

Styles: I don't think so.

KP: This be supposed t' be me big first tide on th' job as Actin' BigBOSS. But yer new Grand Slam Champion had t' go an' ruin everythin'. SMP, I heard what ye tried t' do. Th' boys told me. How dare ye call a meetin' an' try t' sell yer titles an' nay invite me t' th' meetin'! Ye know what he spake at this meetin'? He spake "Th' Swiss ARRRRmy Belt an' th' Nay Good Enough t' Swashbuckle Alone Tag Titles be bleepin' valuable things. Ye dasn't jus' job `em away. I've got this thin' an' 'tis bleepin' golden!" Plants get ou' here now!

Dr. Silaconne M. Plants

["Smooth Operator" by Sade hits. The galaxians pop. And out steps BOB's Grand Slam Champion, Dr. Silaconne M. Plants. He receives a standing ovation, probably because he turned heel post-match in his victory over Steve Studnuts at MegaBrawl II. SMP walks the plank and gets in the ring.]

SMP: Kid Pirate, you should shut your mouth unless you want to be pulling dookie-scented peg leg splinters out of your ass for the next hour.

[Galaxians pop.]

SMP: I am the Grand Slam Champion and I can do whatever I want, pal. You know what? Drumroll. You're banned from being BOB's Acting BigBOSS.

KP: I be nay, ye *BEEP*tard. Avast yellin' at me fer nay reason!

SMP: Douche!

KP: Plants, avast spreadin' yer anarchy in BOB! `Tis a brand new tide. Thar be gonna be rules. 10 o' 'em. An' I be gonna make up as we go along so ye dasn't know what they be until 'tis too late. Rule number one…Kid Pirate be th' new Swiss ARRRRmy Belt champion!

SMP: What? No you're not.

KP: I be strippin' ye o' th' title. An' awardin' 't t' myself. What do ye think about that?

SMP: That's too bad. I already sold it. I've got an HDTV to pay off, BOSS.

KP: Who did ye sell 't t'?

SMP: Scatman.

[The galaxians pop.]

KP: Scatman? Why th' lad's?

SMP: Did you see that promo where he humped the cutout of Axl? Classic!

KP: Well, tell Scatman…tough *BEEP*. Pun intended. I be still th' Swiss ARRRRRmy Belt champion!

SMP: You haven't even cut a promo in months!

KP: I be th' BigBOSS, Plants. I can do whatere I want. By th' way, rule number two.

SMP: *Sigh* Fine. But Scatman? No refunds!

Scatman

[Cut to Scatman. He punches a wall, leaving a brown spot. Back to ringside.]

KP: Next rule, ye canna sell th' tag titles, on accoun' o' I need a main event tonight.

SMP: But my silent auction is still going on backstage!

KP: Rule four: nay silent auctions! Rule five: American Panda, get ou' here an' swashbuckle wi' SMP t' help set up Bearly Legal!

[Lights out. A few seconds later, the lights return.]

American Panda

American Panda is standing across the ring from SMP, standing on his hind legs, front legs crossed. The galaxians are standing and cheering.

Thomas LargemanThe Wizard

[But suddenly, Thomas Largeman and the Wizard appear in a cloud of smoke (most likely from the weed instead of a spell), and attack the, uh…tag champs?]

Styles: Largeman and Wizard are here. And they've jumped the champs.

SW: I think Wizard might make the tag titles disappear from around SMP's waist. Not that he even really cares about a secondary title. He's got the ONLY WORLD TITLE THAT MATTERS.

Styles: What an amazing start to iMPLOSION. Galaxians, we'll be right back. Jerri Li takes on the Undietaker!

SW: Woohoo!


Jerri LiThe Undietaker

["Hung" by Napalm Death is playing as iMPLOSION returns.]

SW: Didn't INXS do those song originally?

Nurse Heidi: Ladies and gentlemen, the following match is set for one fall. Introducing first, from Hell, this is Jerri Li!

SW: Man, if Jerri ever has a kid, she'll drown the baby with milk trying to breast feed now that she's missing that one nipple. Milk will just pour out of her like a broken water faucet.

Styles: I pray Jerri doesn't reproduce.

SW: And what's up with the Fetish Freaks being back? They've gotta be pissed about Jerri killing them. Scatman was probably in a hell without poo. Can you imagine? Pooless hell? And Christian was probably in a hell where ugly chicks with cankles stepped on pillows.

Styles: Um. OK.

Noise-over: *RIIIIIIIIIIIP*

NH: And her opponent, from Parts Unknown, weighing 338 pounds, this is the UNDIEtaker!

SW: So, the Super Bowl is this weekend. We should bet on it.

Styles: With what?

SW: There are all sorts of things we could bet on. Who'll win, natch. Who'll win the coin toss. Who'll score first. Who'll get the first first down. Will the first points be a TD or field goal. Will someone score a safety. Will there be a nipple exposed during halftime. C'mon, Styles. Be a man. Bet me!

Styles: I'm plenty man. And do you think the country would be in an uproar if Bruce Springsteen's nipple came out?

SW: I certainly would. Saggy old man nip? Way worse than Janet Jackson boobage.

Styles: As if you'd even PAY ME if you lost.

SW: We can let somebody hold the money for us.

Styles: And you think that's a good idea with the people who work here? Kurt Angel would have an all he can smoke buffet. The Great would pay off his Christmas bills. SMP would use it to help pay off his HDTV.

SW: Sarah! You must trust Sarah. She's your Slayer, after all.

Sarah "The Jobber Slayer"

Sarah: Oh yeah, I'm totally trustworthy.

Styles: Sarah?

Sarah: There are definitely no new black boots at Payless I'd get if you gave me the money.

Styles: What brings you out here?

Sarah: My feet? Duh.

Styles: I mean, why are you out here?

Sarah: Bored. I'll bet with you, Scotty.

SW: Really?

Sarah: Sure. My dad his yearly guilt gift to me and Michelle, so I've got some money to burn. I was figuring I'd just go to a strip club and get a lap dance to ease my breakup pain, but this is a much better idea.

SW: Wait, wait, wait, WAIT! Strip club? *BEEP* the bets, take me with you!

Sarah: Seriously?

SW: Yes!

Sarah: OK. Though I don't know why you want to see Frank Bluetower giving me a lap dance.

SW: What?

Sarah: Male strip club, hello? Not Kay Fabe.

SW: D'oh. Fine. Let's bet.

Styles: Guys, there is a match going on.

Sarah: Oooh, Undietaker. Punch, punch, punch, no-sell, punch. Seen it.

Styles: I thought you might be out here because your archrival Jerri Li is out here.

Sarah: Is she? Didn't notice. OK, Scotty, let's do it. And by "it" I mean "bet" so save your "woohoos" El Freako, 'k?

SW: Awww. OK. First, winner. I pick Pittsburgh.

Sarah: Ugh. Roethlisberger is such a wanker. Arizona.

SW: OK. Got it. Next. Oh, are we doing $1 per bet?

Sarah: $1? *Pffft* Go $5.

Styles: Oh, Undietaker to the floor after missing--

SW: Next. Who will win the opening coin toss.

Sarah: Pittsburgh.

SW: Arizona. All right, next one, over/under for the total points scored during the game. I get to pick first. The over/under is 46.5. Hmm. I say over.

Sarah: Really? Under for sure.

SW: Next. Over/under on Kurt Warner's passing yards. 268. What do you say?

Sarah: I say over.

SW: Under.

Styles: Jerri just unloading--

SW: Team that will score first. I'll say Pittsburgh scores first.

Sarah: Arizona, no doubt!

SW: OK.

Styles: Guys, do you really think people want to hear you making bets? There's a match going on!

Sarah: This is entertainment, Styles. Especially when Scotty has to pay me next time.

SW: BWAHAHAHA! You're a CHICK, you don't know crap about football.

Sarah: Yeah, but my script writer's a dude.

SW: Huh?

Sarah: What's next?

Styles: Snake eyes!

Sarah: Not you!

SW: Next bet. Team to score last. You're first.

Sarah: Hmm. I'll say Pittsburgh scores last.

SW: Interesting. Arizona for me. Next. Total points by Pittsburgh, either over or under 27.

Sarah: Under!

SW: Too bad, I pick first. Under! Ha!

Sarah: Meanhole. I say under, too!

SW: Fine. No bet.

Styles: Superplex! Oh my G--

SW: How about total points by Arizona. Over or under 20. I say under. Kurt Warner's gonna suck it up. Remember Warner vs. the Patriots in '02?

Sarah: Definitely over 20. C'mon. Fitzgerald and Boldin? No way they're held under 20 points. You know what we should really bet on?

SW: What?

Sarah: How many beers we can drink during the game.

SW: Wow. Will you marry me?

Sarah: If you get me drunk enough Sunday, maybe.

SW: OK. Really simple then. Screw all these other bets, genius has just struck. If you can out drink me during the Super Bowl, then name your thing. But if I can out drink you, you have to marry me.

Sarah: What? No way.

SW: Chicken?

Sarah: I know I can out drink you.

SW: Name a stip, I'll agree to it.

Sarah: Anything?

SW: Anything!

Sarah: Hmm. Alright. If I out drink you, then at the next On-Demand, you have to compete in a hardcore title match.

SW: Fine! I'm fine with that.

Sarah: A Hardcore Plexiglass Elimination Chamber Match. Against five of BOB's most hardcorest brawlers.

SW: No worries here, baby! You're so gonna be married to me. Then even if you win all the other bets, half the money will legally be mine. And I'll spend the rest of it without telling you! BWAHAHAHA!

Styles: Sarah, are you sure about this? I've seen Scotty drink before. And how are you two planning to pick a winner? Is Vicky Jean going to referee your drinking contest?

SW: Oh, sweet! Drunken marital three-way! Woohoo!

Sarah: Keep dreaming.

NH: Here is your winner, Jerri Li!

Styles: Great! You guys made me miss what happened. Thanks a lot!

SW: Oh, Sunday is going to be an unforgettable night! Woohoo! Clive, you better show up and document it when Sarah quits or pukes. Then Vicky will declare victory and we can go get hitched at the Graceland Chapel. And you can all call me Scotty the Vagina Slayer.

Sarah: Eww.

Styles: I second that. We'll be right back.


Dr. Silaconne M. Plants

[Backstage, Dr. Silaconne M. Plants is enjoying a glass of amaretto when there's a knock on the door. SMP goes and opens the door. In the hall is a man with a bouquet of red roses.]

SMP: What?

Delivery Guy: Delivery here for a Dr. Silaconne M. Plants. Dude, is that your REAL name?

SMP: Hey, look, there's something on your face?

Delivery Guy: What? Where?

[Plants punches him in the nose.]

SMP: Blood. You've got it all over your face. You should get medical help. I'm just a titty doctor, so I can't help you. Unless you want a Double-D nose.

Delivery Guy: Dick!

[SMP grabs the flowers and digs out the card.]

SMP: Who sent this to me? Let's see here. Sil. Roses are red, lilies are pink. Wanna stick your "scalpel" in my stink? Whoa whoa whoa! I can't say that on TV! Can I? Signed, my secret admirer? Secret admirer? Has Heidi finally come to her senses? Wait, do girls usually send flowers to a guy?

Delivery Guy: (Pinching his bloody nose) It's a pretty homo sounding thing to me.

SMP: Homo? Oh, sonofa…

[Plants walks away. Back to the ring.]

IndigoHamster GirlTiatarPretty Boy

NH: The following contest is set for one non-finish. Introducing first, already in the ring, Indigo and Hamster Girl!

[Indifference from the galaxians.]

NH: And their opponents, also already in the ring, Tia Tar and Pretty Boy!

SW: Non-finish?

Sarah: Ooh, I see why now. Steve Studnuts is in the ring and he's got a chair with him.

Steve Studnuts

*CRACK*

*CRACK*

*CRACK*

*RARK!*

Styles: Pretty Boy managed to avoid that chairshot, and she's flying away to safety. Now what? Studs is setting up a table on the floor. Oh no! He's back inside. He grabs Hamster Girl. And now he's got Indigo! Both Hamster Girl and Indigo are on his shoulders! What a show of strength! DEATH VALLEY (OF THE SUN) DRIVER!

*CRUNCH*

Styles: THROUGHTHETABLE! OH MY GOD! The former ONLY WORLD CHAMPION THAT MATTERS is on a rampage. And we may never see Indigo and Hamster Girl again after that devastating move!

SW: And can you blame him? Trey Vincent cost him all his title at MegaBrawl 2! Tia! Hide under my desk! My thighs will protect you from this crazy man.

Sarah: THIS is what I have to look forward to if we get married?

SW: Yeah!

Studs: Stop the gat damn show!

[The galaxians pop.]

Studs: I was robbed at MegaBrawl 2. The only reason SMP didn't finish choking as usual and retire is because of my supposed friend, Trey Vincent, who performed the equivalent of a hiney-lick maneuver and cost me all my gat damn titles!

SW: Hiney lick. Something ELSE you can look forward to, Sarah.

Sarah: A world of dry heaving.

Studs: Kid Pirate, Michelle, whoever. Make the match happen tonight, next week, at Bearly Legal, and MegaBrawl III: Season of the Witch…just make the gat damn thing happen or I will make all of you even more miserable on each and every iMPLOSION and On-Demand.

[The 2-Cheap-2-Own monitor lights up with Trey Vincent's smiling face.]

Trey Vincent

TV: Hey, buddy! Long time no screw-you-out-of-all-your-titles! How's it going?

Studs: *BEEP* you, Trey!

TV: Now, Trey Vincent knows that all his BOB fans, er, galaxians, have been waiting to hear how great his career is going in LoC. *Cougcough* Did Trey Vincent say LoC? Trey Vincent meant CWA. Always getting my acronyms screwed up.

Studs: Shut the *BEEP* up. Nobody gives a crap about you. All they want to see is me beating the *BEEP* out of you for about 20 minutes, ya dig? C'mon, Mr. Executive Producer. Make the gat damn match!

TV: Studs, buddy, I had a feeling you'd be in a bit of a pissy mood tonight. But if you want a match with the biggest star in the business today, then you're gonna have to EARN it. What have you done? Grand Slam Champion of BOB? *Pffffft* That's like being a champion of an e-fed.

SW: Huh?

TV: Trey Vincent is big time. I've beaten everybody there is to beat in this business. Hmm. Which gives me an idea. I've beaten everybody in BOB. But what about you?

Studs: I could beat all these *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP* on my worst day.

TV: All of them, huh? Care to put your money where your mouth is? I propose a little bit of a challenge to you. You want a match with me? Then you're going to have to face and defeat everybody I pick to face you until December. It could be legends from BOB's past. It could be current BOB sub-stars. You won't know until the guy, gal, or inanimate object comes out. If you can do that, then I'll grant you a match with the Sports Entertainment Icon. The Franchise Player of sports entertainment. Trey Vincent.

Studs: That's all it's gonna take to get a match with you? *BEEP*, I thought you were gonna give me a CHALLENGE!

TV: No problem, Studs, huh? All you have to do is go undefeated for 11 months against endless mystery opponents before I grant you the match against me. Well, yeah, that is kind of easy, I suppose. How about we add in the fact there will be no disqualifications or count outs. The only way to win is to either make your opponents tap out or pin them.

Studs: Done.

TV: And you have to do it wearing a tutu!

Studs: *BEEP* that *BEEP*

TV: *Snort* Fine, you don't have to wear a tutu. Vincent vs. Studnuts. MegaBrawl III: Season of the Witch. Don't choke like the Sin City Icons.

[The Galaxians boo.]

Styles: Low blow to all these Icons galaxians, who saw their team fall apart in the playoffs. Scotty, where's Sarah?

SW: Hopefully under the desk. Nope. Damn.

TV: Oh, by the way Studs, I'll give you one hint about your first opponent at iMPLOSION 16. She's got a chair.

[Studs turns around.]

*CRACK*

Styles: Oh my GOD! Sarah just cracked Studnuts in the skull with that steel chair.

*CRACK*

*CRACK*

Styles: And Studnuts is down! You sure you want to marry her, Scotty?

SW: I love pain! Oh baby! Sarah's bad ass! And has a hot ass! I can't wait 'til Sunday! Or next iMPLOSION!

Sam, Sam The Dancing Yam

[Sam, Sam The Dancing is standing backstage. He looks ready to promo his little Yam heart out]

Sam: Tonight, I make my first appearance as a so-called wrestler here in Brawlers on a Budget. Tonight I represent Yams Worldwide in their fight to be recognized as Thinking beings.

[He grins crazily.]

Sam: And to continue this fight I must defeat the man known as Axel Grease on a stick of Pizza Pie. Or as he's known to anti-Yam supporters, Axl. Tonight, this disco dancing Yam will unleash a Vegetable like wrath onto his butt, a wrath that hasn't been seen since Vince McMahon found out Triple H actually existed outside of professional Yam Wrestling.

[There's no such sport, but OK.]

Sam: Shut up action guy, I'm on a roll. Tonight in that very ring, and even though it will be shared later on by a man named Silicone Implants and a wrestling Panda, I will dance the night away and funk my way into the victory column against Axl. That being said...

Kay Fabe

[The camera pulls out and there is Kay Fabe, in her sexy glory and Sam's CD player.]

Sam: Let's dance!

[Michael Jackson's "Beat It" hits the speakers and Kay Fabe and Sam, Sam The Dancing Yam begin to dance like maniacs.]


Sam, Sam The Dancing YamAxl

["The Jersey City Yam Dance Theme" is playing as we return to the ballroom.]

NH: The following match is set for one fall. Introducing first, making his debut in BOB, he weighs $4.95 per pound, Sam, Sam the Dancing Yam!

[Cut backstage.]

Offscreen Voice: You can cut the electricity with a knife!

[Axl is seen standing in the "gorilla position" waiting for his music to hit backstage when…]

*THUDSMACK*

Offscreen Voice: It's open season on weasels!

Dr. Silaconne M. Plants

Styles: That's SMP! He just Nipple Cuttered Axl backstage! But why?

[SMP throws the flowers down on Axl's chest.]

SMP: Don't you ever send me flowers again, fag boy!

[SMP stomps away.]

Styles: What in the world is going on here tonight?

SW: I gave up trying to figure that out years ago.

Tifa: Axl? Are you OK?

Kobe Gyant

[Kobe Gyant wanders by.]

KG: Hey, girl. Wanna get some fried chicken?

Tifa: Yeah, sure.

[Tifa and Kobe walk away. Cut to the ring. Sam, Sam the Dancing Yam is dancing. Suddenly, NWA's "Something 2 Dance To" hits and Sam dances to the delight of the crowd.]

SW: Uh, I guess Sam wins via count out?

Styles: Looks that way. Let's just head to a break already. The main event is next.


Styles: So, is Axl SMP's secret admirer?

SW: SMP does have a penis.

Styles: Oh! Welcome back everyone! It's main event time! Take it away, Heidi!

Thomas LargemanThe WizardAmerican PandaDr. Silaconne M. Plants

NH: The following contest is your iMPLOSION main event, and it is for the Not Good Enough to Fight Alone Tag Team Titles!

["Magic Man" by Heart plays. A cloud of smoke begins pouring out of the entrance.]

SW: Wow, when did we get special effects?

Styles: We didn't. I think the challengers are just finishing up a doobie.

NH: Introducing first the challengers. They weigh in at a combined weight of 420 pounds.

SW: BWAHAHAHA!

NH: Thomas Largeman and The Wizard!

[The duo stumbles out, but not because of their impaired motor functions. No, it's because Dr. Silaconne M. Plants and American Panda have started this one early!]

Styles: This one's already started, Scotty!

SW: And the ringside attitude brawl is on. Too bad we don't have a pair of unforgiving ringsteps somebody could get thrown into.

Styles: That barrel of rum will have to do!

*THUD*

Styles: Wizard just went back first into that at the paws of American Panda. SMP and Largeman now alone in the ring. SMP runs into a big boot. Largeman with a splash off the middle rope! The ONLY WORLD CHAMPION THAT MATTERS is down and hurt.

SW: SMP's distracted by his secret admirer. Normally, he'd be done with a talentless hack like Largeman in no time.

[Largeman looks over at Scotty.]

SW: He said it!

[Scotty furiously points at Styles.]

Styles: I did not!

[Largeman stops his beating of SMP to move toward the announce desk.]

SW: American Panda and the Wizard are in the ring now and save you from the beating of your life.

Styles: Your life! Quit starting things! Spinning back paw on the Wizard, who has yet to pull his magic wand out.

SW: Please! There are ladies present.

Styles: Largeman and SMP now brawling on the deck of the pirate ship.

SW: The poop deck?

Styles: Possibly. SMP's head is smashed into the mast. He's down, and Largeman looking to help out the Wizard back in the ring against American Panda. Wizard has his magic wand. American Panda is up.

*SMACK*

Styles: And American Panda goes down from that…um…

SW: Invisible superkick?

Styles: Supermagkick?

SW: Pretty lame, Styles.

Styles: And you thought invisible superkick was better?

SW: Wizard just slapped his thigh! This is all crap! He's too old to do any moves to everyone just pretends they're getting hit by moves.

*SMACK*

*THUD*

Styles: Scotty!

[Cut to a smiling Wizard.]

Wizard: I may be old, but my wand still works, dude.

Styles: I guess I'm flying solo for the remainder of this broadcast after that Magic Kick to Scotty. SMP slaps Wizard's wand away. Oh no! Scalpel's Edge on the Wizard! Largeman grabs SMP. Large suplex! Wizard just slid Largeman a chair! Oh no! Largeman's about to blast away on American Panda!

Styles: And--Plants grabs the chair away! SMP just saved his partner from a brutal chair shot! How out of character for the CHAMP.

*SMACK*

Styles: Largeman goes down.

*SMACK*

Styles: There's a shot for Wizard!

*CRACK!*

Styles: OH MY GOD! He just blasted American Panda with the chair as well! Vicky Jean has called for the bell due to SMP using the weapon. This one's going to end in a DQ. Which means SMP and American Panda are still the champions.

*THUMP*

*THUMP*

*THUMP*

Styles: SMP has gone bear hunting, but instead of a gun he's using a steel chair to beat up on American Panda! SMP just brutalizing the bear that will challenge him for the ONLY WORLD TITLE THAT MATTERS at Bearly Legal!

Pete "XFactor" Trable

["X Gonna Give it to Ya" by DMX hits. The crowd boos as "XFactor" Pete Trable (the default face?) steps out with a microphone and a piece of paper.]

Pete: The winner! Of the silent auction! Is here!

Styles: There's a catchphrase.

Pete: Yo, you can keep beatin' on that bear, I don't give a crap
All I came out here for was some plot development via a rap
SMP, you can keep brainin' him 'til you make his skull collapse
All I want is for someone to give me my NGETFA tag straps
Hey Wizard, hey Largeman, it looks like you failed to beat Plants
Guess that's what happens when you forget to cut Rants
But that's OK, me and my co-champ will give you a shot
Now get ready, it's time for the plot
You foo's gonna be more endangered than the bald eagle
After The Great and the XFactor are done wit' you at Bearly Legal

Styles: Trable and The Great are the tag champs?

[Trable pulls out a wad of cash and hands it over to SMP for the title belts.]

© 2009 BOB Wrestling! Cross the Lame!

Styles: What an amazing start to 2009 for Brawlers on a Budget. Galaxians, don't miss next week. Steve Studnuts takes on Sarah "The Jobber Slayer." The Great vs. Kobe Gyant! And the YGBKIADTAYOOYFMT&AXX Division Title Belt makes its first title defense against XXXtreme Machine! Good night everybody!

 

© BOB Wrestling!

Brawlers On a Budget is an online fantasy parody wrestling sports entertainment federation (or e-fed) designed to be somewhat funny.

WARNING: This site contains adult content. Surfer discretion is advised.