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Total Non-Action Wrestling iMPLOSION! #21

Happy Birthday, Axl!

Scotty WhatbodyAxl

[The camera opens to the ring, where black and lime green balloons are tied to all four posts. A table is set up, stacked with assorted gift-wrapped presents. A black banner is suspended above the ring, reading "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, AXL!" in lime green letters. Scotty Whatbody stands in the center of the squared circle, microphone in hand...]

SW: Hello, all you Drunken Idiots!

[The Drunken Idiots cheer.]

SW: Welcome... to the 33rd birthday of MY client... AXL!!!

[The Drunken Idiots boo.]

SW: Settle down, settle down! Today is an extremely momentous occasion for Axe, as it marks not only his 33rd birthday, but the very first defense in his second Swiss Army title reign! A reign which is sure to become the longest and most successful one in Brawlers HISTORY! And what better way to preface such a remarkable journey, than to celebrate the life of both a two time Swiss Army champ... as well as YOUR future two-time ONLY WORLD CHAMPION THAT MATTERS! Drunken Idiots, allow me to introduce to you... BOB's one and only Savior... Swiss Army Champion of the WORLD... Ax-

Voice: Excuse me!!!

SW: ... Vicky?

Voice: EXCUSE ME!!!

[The camera pans to the entrance... where Axl's co-agent, Tifa Witherspoon, stands with a microphone of her own.]

SW: Whoa, you scared me! For a second there I thought you were Vicky Guerrero. Luckily, instead of a pig, we got a DOG!!!

Tifa: I am NOT a dog!

SW: Simmer down, Tifa! I know it's probably your time of the month, but can you try and control your hormones for one second?

[Tifa steps into the ring, and stands across from Scotty, eyeing him with a scowl.]

Tifa: Scotty, Axl is STILL my client, so I want to know why I wasn't invited to his party?

SW: Because you're not COOL enough to be at THIS party, toots!

Tifa: So, you're here because... ?

SW: Well... Hey!

Tifa: Regardless, as Axl's co-agent, I'm inviting myself, and I'm hereby announcing him to the ring! Ladies and gentlemen... AXL!

["You Know You're Right" by Nirvana strikes up, and images of Axl's career flash across the screen... Axl winning his first Swiss Army title... the OWTTM... Axl and the Hierarchy... fighting his brother, Viruz... Axl as the King... Axl as the hair metal rocker... Axl as the goth poser... And finally, Axl taking the Swiss Army title for a second time, as the "Grunge Warrior". Lime green sparks rain down upon the stage, as the audience begins to boo incessantly... and Axl emerges through the curtains. The Swiss Army Championship is slung over his shoulder, and his black shirt reads "Swiss Army of One" across the front... with a picture of his black baseball bat on the back. Below the bat picture are the words "Weapon of Mass Destruction". Axl walks down to the ring, chains on his pants dangling about. He slides into the ring underneath the bottom rope... immediately shooting back to his feet, and yanking the microphone from Tifa's hands.]

Axl: HELLO SINISTER CITY!!!

[The Drunken Idiots boo loudly.]

Axl: Ohhh, damn, that's right! This is SIN City, eh? Well, I always get the two confused, seeing as I rule BOTH!!! Bwahahaha!

[Boos and more boos from the Drunken Idiots.]

Axl: But seriously, once again, gold is BACK where it belongs... with the Savior of BOB... Sinister City's ONLY hometown hero... and the man, the myth, the GOD that will lead Brawlers on a Budget to the very pinnacle of this business!!! Through adversity, comes triumph, and I AM... the epitome of triumph!

SW: Axl, let me tell you man, it's awesome to be a part of your Birthday Bash!

Axl: Of course it is! And Tifa, do you have any words?

[Axl extends the microphone to Tifa...]

Tifa: Well -

[... before Axl hastily pulls the mic back to his own mouth.]

Axl: My sentiments exactly!

Tifa: …

SW: Axl, I've pulled some strings, and I've managed to fly in a few of your friends from Sinister City! Tonight, I'm proud to present to you, and everyone here and watching around the world, an EPIC rendition of... "This is Your Life"! First of all, he is a former Citizen of Sinister City, but has since moved on to Hollywood, where he films low budget, direct to video films. His bargain bin movies can be seen exclusively at BlockBlusters across the nation... Drunken Idiots, please put your hands together for Brock... HENDRIX!

["Movies" by Alien Ant Farm hits, and "The Brock" walks down to the ring in a suit, tie, and pair of million dollar sunglasses that he may or may not have bought a dollar store.]

Brock: FINALLY... I'm here.

SW: Took ya long enough, Brocky.

Brock: IT DOESN'T MATTER... so get on with it. I've got a cheap knock-off of Edward Scissorhands to star in. "Robert Stickyhands", the tale of a dude with Elmer's Glue bottles for fingers.

SW: Sounds... awfully retarded.

Brock: Yup.

SW: Brock, you're here for Axl's birthday, and to remind him of years gone by. But since you had already left when Axl got there... maybe you should go.

Brock: THE BROCK SAYS... okay.

[Brock leaves, and Scotty returns to the microphone.]

SW: Next up Axe, I've got a group of guys I KNOW you know... a few guys you used to call "friends"... guys that were in your stable, The Hierarchy! Back, by popular demand... or not-so-popular demand... formerly known as "GwarTellica", as well as "Gunnzzz and YoYozzz"... they have since added two new band members... Please welcome Jimmy, Joey, Jonny, and additions Jackie and Jeremy...

SW: They are ; SlipSystemKnot of a DeathDown CabCutie!!!

["Generic Nu-Metal Crap Rock Song" by SSKDDCC hits, and the fans... head to the concession stand. Jimmy, Joey, Jonny, Jackie and Jeremy all head to the ring, wearing studded belts, spiked bands, fishnet tanktops, chain pants, black nails, lipstick, mascara, and all other sorts of crap that today's youth wear to appear like "outcasts" by wearing the exact same thing.]

[All five men step into the ring, and Jackie, the singer, grabs the microphone from Scotty.]

SW: Hey!

Jackie: HELLO DETROIT ROCK CITY!!!

Drunken Idiot: WHO ARE YOU?!

Jackie: We love you guys too!

SW: [grabs the microphone back] Jonny, Jimmy, and Joey. You remember Axl, right?

Jimmy: Nope.

Joey: Uh... is this a concert? I really don't know why we're here...

Jonny: Hey Axe! Remember when we were in the Hierarchy!?

Axl: Unfortunately, yes...

Jonny: Well, if it weren't for you, we'd never be where we are today!

Axl: Wonderful...

Jonny: You know, living in a crummy apartment in Sinister City. All five of us. ... It gets pretty cramped.

Axl: So, Scotty... when do I get to open presents?

SW: In a minute! Guys, you told me you had a song for Axl's birthday?

Jeremy: Yup, I wrote it. It's called "Happy BirthDeath and Many More Hounds of Hell into the Utter Abyss of Chaos and Destrucitude".

SW: ... Huh?

Jeremy: [tapping his drumsticks] And ah-one, ah-two, ah-one, two, three, FORE!

SW: You mean "FOUR"?

Jeremy: WhatEVER!

[Jeremy begins banging the drums like a monkey on crack, while Jimmy, Jonny, and Joey strum at their guitars, trying to hit one or two good notes... while Jackie "sings" the following…]

"BIRTHDAY... RAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRR, BIRTHDEATH, YEAH!
WHEN THE FLAMES ENGULF THE TREES OF THE BIRDS INSIDE THE KNEES,
WHEN THE TRUTH BECOMES A LIE AND THE DARKNESS KILLS THE BEES!

BIRTHDAY... RAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRR, BIRTHDEATH, YEAH!
WHEN THE MONSTER IS AWOKEN BY THE SIDE OF BIRTHDAY CAKE,
AND WHAT'S FAKE BECOMES SO REAL AND WHAT IS REAL IS MORE THAN FAKE!

BIRTHDAY... RAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRR, BIRTHDEATH, YEAH!
BIRTHDAY... RRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRR, BIRTHDEATH, YEAH!!!"

Jackie: DEATH TO AMERICA!!!

SW: ... Okay! Great, uhm... song... guys.

Jeremy: Thank you, and goodnight!

SW: Awesome...

Jackie: You people rule!

SW: You sure as hell don't.

Jeremy: BUY OUR ALBUM!!! PLEASE!

Jackie: The economy is raping us like we're prison whores!!!

SW: ALRIGHT~!!! Christ man, just... get out! I knew inviting you guys was a bad idea...

[SSKDDCC lift the "rock horns" hand gesture into the air, before Scotty boots them out of the ring.]

Axl: I want PRESENTS! ... NOW!

SW: OK, OK, but I have one last guest to bring out...

Tifa: So do I!

SW: You do?

Tifa: I sure do! He's -

[Suddenly, the lights cut, and static appears on the screen... before being replaced with randomly changing, lime green numbers... They eventually disappear, except for five digits:]

V
1
R
V
Z

SW: V1rvz? Who the hell is that?

Tifa: ... No, you moron! Viruz!!!

SW: You're kidding me...

Axl: Tifa! You KNOW I hate that jerk!

Viruz

["Twisted Transistor" by Korn plays, and Viruz walks out... shoving a giant, plastic cake down the aisle, with a door on top for someone to pop out of.]

Tifa: Axl, Scotty brought out three former members of your stable, the Hierarchy. I'm here to bring out two more. Viruz, as is obvious... and a little surprise in that cake. Trust me... you're going to like it!

Axl: ... Aw screw it, it may not be a gift-wrapped present, but a present inside a cake is just as good!

[Axl rolls out of the ring, walks up to the cake, and reaches out to pull the lid off... when the lid flies off... and out comes raYne!]

Axl: SUNNUVA-

raYne: Heyyy, like, how are YOU doing Axl-kins?!

Axl: Viruz! You BASTARD! [turns toward the ring] And Tifa, you BITCH!

raYne: Ohhh, Axl-kinsss...

[Axl turns back around and finds raYne stripping himself of his clothes and performing a provocative dance.]

Axl: AGGH! This has GOT to stop! STOP IT! STOP-

[Suddenly, Axl receives a clubbing blow to the back, causing him to stumble into the cake... raYne slams the lid shut down over his head, and Viruz quickly runs the cake the hell outta there.]

The Great

[Axl turns around, grabbing the back of his sore head, and finds Scotty knocked out... Tifa cowering beside the ring post... and the Great standing there with Axl's black baseball bat. Great wacks Axl again, this time directly in the face, and tosses him back into the ring. Great tosses Axl's head under his arm... and hits the Twist of Great through the table full of presents for Axl... sending gifts, splinters, and shards of metal all over.]


Loss-of-Control Center, Part 1

StylesScotty Whatbody

[Cut to Mikey Styles and Scotty Whatbody at the BOB Loss-of-Control Center, a.k.a., Styles basement. They are seated at a wood folding table and one script they're sharing. A television behind them features some action from a different wrestling federation.]

Styles: Hello Brawlers On a Budget fans! Welcome to this abbreviated Webisode version of, hmm…Partial Non-Action Wrestling iMPLOSION 21, I suppose? Yes, the big news is that BOB has lost its TV deal.

SW: Again!

Styles: Again, indeed.

SW: Fuck G5TV. I hope somebody molds a giant stone penis, puts it on a crane, and rapes their headquarters with it.

Styles: Yikes. Anger issues?

SW: Now, instead of being seen by 10,000 viewers, we're being seen by like, 10 people. It's fucked up, Styles.

Styles: Yep. We truly are the unluckiest federation on God's green earth. Well, fans, iMPLOSION 21 was indeed a great show, but due to G5 pulling the plug on us the night of the taping, and losing a good deal of budget, our editor, who had the silly notion of wanting money for his efforts, quit. Anyway. Let's go over the results really quickly. Right after this.


Never Been Happier

Trey Vincent MichelleSteve Leary

Caption: June 2, 2009, 11 a.m.

[We open in Trey Vincent's apartment. A smiling Trey Vincent is pouring beer into two bowls of a blueberry flavored wheat cereal (Want product placement? Send us money!). He tosses the empty beer bottle into a black plastic garbage bag on the floor, grabs the only two spoons he owns, and brings the bowls into the living room area. His girlfriend, Sarah, the one who looks vaguely like Kristen Stewart (from "Adventureland" or apparently "Twilight" though Trey's never seen that movie) is playing "Uncle Salty" from "Guitar Hero Aerosmith."

Sarah: I rock.

TV: I have cereal. I can't believe we've been playing Aerosmith since 11 p.m. What time is it? 7? 8?

[Sarah looks at her watch.]

Sarah: 11 a.m.

TV: Da fuck? We should fuck a couple more times and go to bed then.

Sarah: OK.

[The happy couple begins chowing down on their cereal.]

Sarah: So…you're way different than I thought you'd be.

TV: Meaning?

Sarah: Well…Sarah told me you were a total freak and asshole. I've been having a really great time with you.

TV: Duh. I'm a fun guy. And a hell of a cook. Stay tuned later for my special beer-battered Hot Pockets. The secret of your happiness? I keep you intoxicated all the time.

Sarah: Ahh, now I see. Works for me.

TV: You're awesome. Honestly, Sarah, I've never been happier. BOB is actually making me some money. I'm on my way to main eventing MegaBrawl III in one of the biggest matches of my career. I've got applications in my inbox. And I'm banging this smoking chick. I've never been happier.

[That's when Trey's cell phone rang.]

Sarah: Jinx?

TV: Fuck!

[Trey grabbed the phone.]

TV: Hello? … Fuck. … Fuck. … Fuck.

Sarah: (Concerned) What?

TV: My buddy at G5 got fired. G5 is cutting a bunch of programs off their network. iMPLOSION is one of them.

Sarah: *Gasp*

TV: Yeah, yeah, send me the paperwork.

[He hangs up.]

Sarah: What are you gonna do?

[Trey stared at her for a moment, contemplating.]

TV: I have a two-step plan. Step one. Call Legacy of Champions and see if I can get my job back. Step two…

[Cut to Steve Leary, who is playing Madden Football.]

SL: OH BABY!

[His phone rings.]

SL: Hello?

[Having forgotten to pick up his phone, it rings again. He pauses the video game and picks up the phone this time.]

SL: Hello?

TV: Steve, you just got promoted.

SL: I did?

TV: Yep. You and Michelle are running BOB. Congratulations!

SL: Sweet!

TV: Oh, andBOBlostitstvdealkthanksbye.

SL: Wait, WHAT? Hello? … Hello? … (Steve shakes his phone, trying to make it work.) HELLO?!

[Cut to Michelle, who is watching some "Cristina's Court" as her phone begins ringing. She digs it out of the couch cushion.]

Michelle: Trey? What's up?

TV: IjustpromotedSteveLearyandBOBlostitstvdealkthanksbye!

Michelle: Huh? Wait, WHAT?

[She dials him back.]

Robotic Voice Message: The person at *BEEEEEEEEP* is avoiding your call and is abandoning you. Good luck. At the tone, please leave a message. *BEEP*

Michelle: Trey! Call me back. You can't just drop a giant bomb on me and hang up. What am I supposed to do? Asshole!

[She hangs up. Her phone rings.]

Michelle: Hello?

SL: Michelle? It's Leary.

Michelle: Hey, Leary. Can you believe this shit?

SL: Don't worry. I've got an idea.

Michelle: You do? That's a first.

SL: Yeah, it just came to me in the two minutes since Trey hung up. It's really simple. BOB goes back to its roots. We run a bunch of house shows, mostly in the West, and try to get another TV show.

Michelle: House shows?

SL: Yep. And we can bring Clive, who can record some bits and pieces, and we can post them as short little Webisodes. Kind of like YouTube, but BOBTube.

Michelle: That could work. We do need to build up our fan base again. We're established in Sin City for sure. If we could get our name out there more…we might get 10, 11 more On-Demand buys.

SL: Cha-ching! Now, how about I beat Scatman for the ONLY WORLD–

Michelle: No.

SL: But I'm a booker! And a terrible wrestler! Isn't it my God-given right to book myself to the OWTTM?

Michelle: Hell no.

SL: Awww…

Michelle: Call in everybody to the Ballroom for a meeting and let me know what's a good time for everyone.

SL: On it. Love you.

Michelle: Gross much?

SL: I mean, uh. Talk to you later. Bye!


UPCOMING HOUSE SHOW SCHEDULE

June 5: Blackjack, Nevada
June 12: Searchlight, Nevada
June 19: Jackpot, Nevada
June 26: Duckwater, Nevada


Loss-of-Control Center, Part 2

StylesScotty Whatbody

[Back to the BOB Loss-of-Control Center.]

Styles: Alright, let's get to it. Our first match of the evening featured XFactor Pete Trable and Cyborg Angelina X vs. Gyant Bananas.

[Flash to a shot of Kobe Gyant trying to "sex up" Angelina.]

SW: Shocking result here, as Trable got the pin on Joe Bananas.

Styles: That's shocking?

SW: When's the last time Trable's pinned anybody? Sucka's got no game, yo.

[Flash to a shot of Angelina bent over and Kobe behind her, spanking her ass. A *clang, clang, clang* sound is heard.]

Styles: Don't ever talk like that again, Scotty.

SW: Think once cyborgs go black if they ever go back?

Styles: I'm not sure if she really "went." Moving on.

[Flash to a shot of a psychotic looking Kevin the Pyromaniac holding a flaming pillow over his head triumphantly.]

Styles: Our next match featured Kevin the Pyromaniac successfully defending his title against former champion Hamster Girl. Your thoughts on this one, Scotty?

SW: It sucked?

Styles: Great insight! *Rolls eyes*

SW: The end came once Kevin pulled out his lighter fluid. Hamster Girl really didn't want to get burned by that flaming pillow, so she simply stayed down, cowering or something, until referee Vicky Jean counted her out.

Styles: And don't forget, Hamster Girl was also so concerned about the ring catching fire that she crawled around putting out flaming feathers and pillow shreds.

SW: Really? I missed that. I was busy counting to two.

Styes: Vicky's boobs?

SW: Natch.

Styles: We'll be back with more results, right after this…


Deported?

Tia Tarr

[Open to a low shot of a pink leotard snuggly fit on buttocks swaying above a pair of purple leg warmers. The camera moves up with the hand of the lady as she takes a sip from a bottle of water. It’s Tia Tarr, and she’s busy stretching in preparation for her dark match against some no-name goofball jobber. Suddenly, Joe Bananas walks in.]

Joe: Oops, thought this was the can man.

[Tia turns her head to the right to look at him, a frown on her face and a pout on her lips.]

Joe: Nah, I’m just messin’ with ya. You’re Tia Tarr, right?

Tia: Yes.

Joe: I saw a couple of your matches, hey, you can’t fake those moves. I always thought of myself as a bit of a highflyer. I wanted to learn some Kung Fu from that Chingachgook guy that trained Jerri before he died, but maybe you could teach me a few things.

Tia: If this is leading to a cheesy line like ‘we could mix business with pleasure’ you can save it, I’m married.

Joe: Ah, hey, I’m not like that lucky Harlem globetrotter tag partner of mine, not everything has to be about coming onto women.

Tia: Really? I heard otherwise. To be honest I’ve always thought of you as a bit of a greasy prick.

Joe: I’m clean cut, sweetheart, like freshly mown grass.

Tia: Well, ok, I can probably teach you some stuff. Maybe add an extra rotation on your flying headscissors, mix in some Capoeira type moves and, um, you could probably do an extra turn on a moonsault and land into a senton or something. Stuff like that sound cool?

Joe: Sounds awesome! Oh, I almost forgot. Some overweight guy sweating buckets was outside looking for you. I told him I was headed your way and he gave me this to give to you.

[He passes her an envelope. She tears it open and reads the contents. She suddenly looks shocked.]

Joe: Bad news?

Tia: I… I’ve been deported! This can’t be, Trey Vincent got me my green card!

[Joe shuffles nervously on the spot.]

Joe: Yeesh, you shouldn’t get your green card from him.

[She takes out said green card and Joe inspects it.]

Joe: Can’t you read English?

Tia: No, why?

Joe: It says ‘library card.’


Loss-of-Control Center, Part 3

StylesScotty Whatbody

[Back to the Loss-of-Control Center.]

SW: Tia got deported? Aww, man. I think she was the only chick on the roster who didn't have a restraining order or pending lititagation against me.

Styles: Did you just say "lititagation"?

SW: Isn't that what it's called?

Styles: Litigation.

SW: I dunno. That sounds wrong to me, Styles.

[Flash to clips of The Great avoiding the Sinister Slice and hitting the Twist of Great on Axl.]

Styles: Up next, it was a Swiss Army Belt match, with your boy Axl defending against The Great, who is the number one contender for the ONLY WORLD TITLE THAT MATTERS.

SW: Unfortunately for The Great, he was no match for Axl!

Styles: What?

[Flash to clips of the Entities of Destruction (Dr. Silaconne M. Plants, Death, and Kid Pirate) storming the ring and assaulting both The Great and Axl.]

SW: He didn't win the belt, Styles.

Styles: Only because the Entities of Destruction interfered. Axl was done for. After clearing the ring, Plants went off on one of his rants, basically telling everyone know that SMP would not have his legacy tarnished by–

SW: Shit?

Styles: Losing the ONLY WORLD TITLE THAT MATTERS to Scatman. So, yes. After a lengthy, masturbatory promo.

SW: SMP's specialty.

Styles: The Fetish Freaks headed out for our main event.

[Flash to a shot of SMP and Scatman circling each other. The bell rings faintly.]

SW: Unfortunately for the viewers at home, we ran out of TV time, and the bell rang like 10 seconds in. However, fortunately, we lost our TV deal, so nobody could break their televisions via angry remote throwing as a result of the royal bait and switch main event treatment.

Styles: Yay? So there are lots of big questions surrounding BOB as we head toward our House (Show) of Blues Tour.

SW: Back to high schools, eh? Well, at least I can probably score some decent pot.

Styles: Steve Leary and Michelle are running BOB. OH MY GOD! Fans, what's going to happen?

SW: One word: bankruptcy.

Styles: Thanks for joining us for iMPLOSION 21! OH my GOD!


Dollhouse

ScatmanJerri LiHamster GirlKevin the PyromaniacJoe BananasChristian St. Christian

[Dave Smiley is seen smiling a stupid grin at the camera. He is gathered in a room along with all the wrestlers he helped get signed to BOB. Scatman is kneeling down on the floor next to a dog.]

Scatman: Cats and dogs are famous for one thing; licking their own penis. Now it may look like fun, but you can seriously poke an eye out.

[A cat suddenly flies out of Smiley’s jacket and the dog chases after it.]

Scatman: Jerri, did you know about this cat?

Jerri: Yeah, pretty much.

Hamster Girl: She’s so cute!

Dave Smiley: Not as cute as you.

Scatman: Aren’t you a shemale?

Dave Smiley: No!

Scatman: Oh. You look like a girl dude.

[Kevin sets a scarecrow on fire as Joe relaxes in the background with a cigarette.]

Kevin: PYROMANIA!

Joe: Toots mon.

[Christian St. Christian belches. Mr. Fantastic points at him.]

Mr. Fantastic: Ha ha!

Nic Flare: Ay carumba!

Dave Smiley: Excellent.

Jerri: Enough with the catchphrases!

Wig Show: WEEEEEEEELL…

D-Van Drudley: Oh TESTIFY!

Tia Tarr: This is disintegrating into chaos.

Rob Van Spam: Dude, Monty Python’s is back on the TV!

Jerri: Alright, enough.

[Jerri picks up a sword next to a suspicious set of beartrap teeth.]

Happy Woodland Critters: Let’s rape the puss filled eye sockets of a million homosexuals jacking themselves off whilst trying to fit their fist up their asshole whilst covered in superglue!

[Jerri chops all of the Happy Woodland Critters into little pieces. Then she cuts off every single persons head in the room until Kevin, Scatman, Joe Bananas and Dave Smiley are left.]

Kevin: Ah man, not hell again.

[She chops his head off.]

Scatman: You can’t kill me, I’m the Only World Champion That Matters!

[She cuts his head off. Then she cuts the top of Joe’s head off, so that his brain is exposed.]

Joe: I can’t believe the bitch killed me.

[She then stabs Dave in his mouth, so that sword pokes out on the other side and brings it up sharply so that his head is severed in two.]

Jerri: Cock smoking faggot.

[Jerri turns to the camera.]

Jerri: Well BOB fans, it’s the end of an era and the beginning of a new one. I thank you for allowing me to get away with a bunch of shit, but I can tell it’s time that BOB got back to being what it is meant to be. Anyway, thanks again and bye.

[She slits her own throat and fountain of blood spray pours out.]

THE END

[Out of the bloody pile of bodies a white light appears. The floor begins to shake and a sinewy hand rises out of the ground. A druid finishes his chanting.]

Druid: Welcome back to BOB… Chingachgook!

Chingachgook


Reach out and Touch Someone

[Camera up on a dark room. The camera pans on a telephone sitting on a stand in the middle of the room next to a recliner. There is the sound of small soft footsteps coming into the dark room. The camera catches a cat's paw reaching for the phone. Another paw begins to dial a long distance number. As the phone rings, the camera changes to a ringing phone in a hut covered in sunshine. A scarred hand comes into the shot and picks up the receiver.]

Voice 1: Meow

Voice 2: Yes.

Voice 1: Meow, meow.

Voice 2: Sorry, I don't speak Afrikaan.

Voice 1: Meow.

Voice 2: Yes, English is fine.

Voice 1: Meow, meow, meow.

Voice 2: Are you sure?

Voice 1: Meow.

Voice 2: Wow, I can't believe this. Have you told anyone else yet?

Voice 1: Meow.

Voice 2: So I'm the first? That's fantastic, I'm glad you thought of me first.

Voice 1: Meow, meow.

Voice 2: What do you mean alphabetical order?

Voice 1: Meow.

Voice 2: I see. Well, I'll be on the next flight out of here. Do we meet at the same place as usual?

Voice 1: Meow.

Voice 2: The second flight?

Voice 1: Meow.

Voice 2: So, I can take my time because you don't need me right away?

Voice 1: Meow.

Voice 2: Then why did you call me first?

Voice 1: Meow, meow.

Voice 2: Oh right, alphabetical order.

Voice 1: Meow.

Voice 2: I'll see you then.

Voice 1: Meow

[Each one hangs up as the camera goes back to the dark room. The cat's paw puts the receiver back and grabs an address book and begins to flip through it to the next one on the list. The screen goes dark.]

Caption: To Be Continued...


©2009 BOB Wrestling!

 

© BOB Wrestling!

Brawlers On a Budget is an online fantasy parody wrestling sports entertainment federation (or e-fed) designed to be somewhat funny.

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