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The BOB Times Vol. 1, Issue 1
All The BOB news you never had, or probably wanted
August 2003

Kay Fabe thinks about layout in Hot Lesbian Magazine!

BOB's favorite Wiccan lesbian Kay Fabe has been approached by "Hot Lesbian Magazine!" to do a full shoot, sources say.

When approached by us about the rumor, Kay Fabe had nothing but nice things to say about the magazine.

"I think that's the first magazine that has featured tasteful lesbians instead of the two lesbians with a guy or the two lesbians being peed on by a guy," Fabe said. "I mean, they do artsy Playyboy type of stuff, so I'd be all for that. But no guys in the photos."

And the BOB fans are all for it.

Nathan Mustain, a loyal BOB follower had this to say.

"Boo-yeah, do I want to see that shit motherfucker!" Mustain told us. "Spread them legs."

Photographer John Leary said sadly, Poser images would not allow for much detail in that area.

"Yeah," he said. "That's the damn reason I got Poser. So, since you can't do that, we'll do tasteful stuff."

Fabe said it is still "not definite."

"They gotta have the money. If they do, then I'd be flattered to be in HLM."

Only time will tell on this one. But both sides obviously want this to happen.

Holy Crap Look at This Breaking News!!!!

Still no clues in football team slayings

Weeks after the entire football team in Gaysport, Ohio was killed, police are still clueless.

Police said they have received tips from a viewer of a Brawlers On a Budget program, who said that two smileys were responsible for the slayings.

Police reportedly laughed and made fun of the viewer for watching BOB.

Spaceduck and Spacecop have not receieved any punishment from BOB because the company doesn't really care about useless high school football players.

Also, nobody wants to piss off the murdering rapists known as Festering Death.

Many BOB wrestlers, who refused to be identified, said even if Spaceduck and Spacecop were found out, what are they gonna do to them? They're smilies for God's sake.

"How are you gonna put handcuffs on them," one nervous veterans asked while smoking a cigarette. "They don't have any arms or hands. They are free to do whatever they do. They could fit between the bars of the cells too!"

Fears of murder and rape have been constants since the two outlaws debuted in BOB, raping and murdering as they please.

Neither member of Festering Death could be contacted as of press time. And frankly, we didn't really try that hard.

So, Festering Death will basically run around in BOB as long as they like. Unchecked by a scared roster and management.

Checks bounce
again, BOBsters out for blood

By Alexander Smith
Staff Writer

BOB workers are upset, as usual about this time of the month. No, everyone is not on the rag. It's the time of the month when paychecks are supposed to be mailed out.

The checks were mailed out. But once again several BOB staff members and wrestlers have found their checks have bounced, actually costing them money.

In an interview with BigBOSS, once he was asked about the problem he had this to say.

"Well, I--" he started before throwing a piece of paper at me and running out of the room.

Bounced checks have been a way of life for some BOB veterans.

"I've lost more than I made in BOB," said Kamikazie Ken, one of the originals in BOB. "I honestly don't know why I stay here, but I have no desire to leave."

"Working in BOB is worse than working at McDonald's or any other minimum wage job," pondered Sculder of the tag team The Agency. "It's a true mystery why any of us are here or how we have shows with this sort of money."

Several BOBsters had no answer why they were working for this federation.

"I can't remember that last time I got paid," said Scotty Whatbody. "But amazingly I haven't starved to death, I usually have clothes on. And where do I live? I honestly don't remember doing anything but announcing on BOB shows. It's like a big blackout."

Mully was sure there is some sort of explanation for this odd situation. But even she couldn't explain it.

"It must be a matter of living within your means. We've all adapted to living off of scraps. I dunno. I'm even stumped by this one."

Mully believes the truth is out there some where.

"And one day, somebody is going to find it and we'll figured out what the hell we've been doing here for the last five years or so."


BOB to start lottery to boost attendance

By Alexander Smith
Staff Writer

In an attempt to get some needed cash for its bitter roster, BigBOSS has announced a new lottery plan to bring in more fans.

"Well, I figured, since this world is full of gamblers, why not attact new fans by having them watch wrestling, or a close facsimile, and wait for two lottery drawings, one at the half-way point of the show, and one near the end, probably after the main event," BigBOSS said. "And then, it'll extend to the TV audience, who can get tickets on our Web site and play at home."

Gamblers were buzzing about the prospect of a new lottery already. Mark Shill was all excited at it.

"IT'S GOING TO BE THE GREATEST LOTTERY IN THE HISTORYY OF LOTTERIES," he said. "Fans, I can't wait."

Mike Monroe was a bit wary of the idea.

"I don't know, on the one hand it gives us more money, but on the other, BigBOSS will just keep it all for himself."

BigBOSS refuted Monroe's claims.

"I won't keep all of it. Most of it, sure, but not all," he told the BOB Times.

Welcome to the first BOB Times

A Message From the Publisher

Hello dear readers. My name is Robert Roberts. And I'm glad to have you reading us for the first time this month. We will aim to get our stuff out on time, but this is BOB, so don't hope too much.

Anyhow, we're here to tell you the news. Behind the scenes. In front of the scenes. This is as much for the employees as the fans.

We will never likely give away spoilers, since most shows are decided about five minutes before they're done. Much like WCW. Except we don't keep making ours up along the way.

Our goal? Well, we really don't have one. This is mainly gonna be us saying what we like, making fun of this place and other good stuff. You see, we are the ones who control the news. Real or fake, you'll never know the difference.

MWAHAHAHAHA.

And yes, we have guaranteed contracts. Detached Narrator? Nothing to us. I'm a former 24-time Internracial Heavyhitter Champion. Our editor is a former KKK Stringemup Champ. Heather Jackson is a very experience Paginating Monkey, if you know what I mean. And Alexander Smith. Well, we needed somebody who has been in BOB a while. And he was that hardcore champion back in the day, for a couple of seconds.

So weare here. Enjoy us. Give us money. For we are, the BOB Times. Mwahahahahahaha. The only news source in hell!

Next Month:

Kurt Angel enjoying being back in Heaven.

Also: Why can't wrestlers just get along?

And: March Mayhem 2004. Who will be next year's surprise? Early speculation about the revamped event.

Late events. Yea or nay.

Also, a preview of BOB's new DVD Box Sets!

Got a tip? Wanna write your own article? You're more than welcome to. Send your shit to us at:

booker_j_2000@
hotmail.com

Publisher: Robert Roberts
Editor:
Richard Dick
Paginator: Heather Johnson
Reporter:
Alexander Smith

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