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Classix Logo

It's Like "Mistress Shiva" Three's Company "Bitch" But Funnier

Mike MonroeDubya

[Fade in on Mike Monroe's special little office. He is straightening up a stack of old videotapes. The office door opens. Dubya walks in and knocks over the stack of tapes.]

Dubya: Hyeh-hyeh-hyeh-hyeh!

[He leaves.]

Mike Monroe: *Sigh* Good morning everybody and welcome to another episode of Classix. The following "show" is what we in the business call a "rarity," we think. BOB, in dire need of consistent booking, went looking for some help. The only man to apply for the job, sadly, was Rob Black of XPW fame. He felt that BOB needed to get a little more risque. Here is what happened when we gave Rob Black control.

MM: Interesting note...BigBOSS re-wrote the dialogue, and through the art of over-dubs, this show became SMC3. Oh yes, this event is rated M for Mature. Watch at your own risk.

[Fade out.]


[Live? You've got to be licking me. No, but BOB is in Wacahoota, Florida at some undisclosed high school gymnasium, and can you really blame the high school for not wanting to let the world know they let a raiding BOB event go on there? Let's go see which big cocksucks are calling plows show tonight.]

Styles: Hello everyone, and welcome to BOB's Sunday "Anal" Morning Chloroform. I'm Mikey "Up the Arse" Fingerfucks.

Scotty "Bumbanger" Whatbody: And nobody smoochs.

Mark "Cock Sucker" Shill: Get ready for the creaming greatest SMC EVER!

Scotty: For once, I have to agree with you. Tonight, it's Nurse "Dildo" Heidi and Candy "Dirk Diggler" Spews in a dripping Screws "Fuckface" In Charvering Match. It just doesn't get any greater than that!

[Nurse "Dripper Dick" Heidi sucks out to the announce table.]

Heidi: I'm NOT a wad pulling lesbian! No matter WHAT happened at Stupid "Cock Sucker" Bowl I.

Scotty: Close enough! WOO-HOO!

[Heidi stomps away.]

Scotty: I hate to see her go, but I love to watch her leave. But you know why else fists night is going to be great? Mark "Hard-on" Shill has to defend his title against the Pope!

Spews: Got any last deep throats, Shill?

Shill: Cocksucks, as your Alliance "Pimp Mastah" Hero Champion, I believe I am safe in saying, that I am, without a gamahucheing shadow of a doubt, THE GREATEST BOB ALLIANCE HERO CHAMPION EVER!

Smoochs: OH MY GOD, you are SO dead.

Scotty: Thank "Saggysack" God I brought my spanks. Hey, maybe they could use them in that lesbian match too!

Heidi: (From asslicks the room): STILL NOT A LESBIAN!

Scotty: Did you hear something?

[From over the gamahucheing big boombox at Eddie B's DJ table, "new, new, new, incurable Apathy disorder" was heard, followed by the plowing of "N.W.O." by Ministry.]

Aardvarks: OH MY GOD! The licking iAd is here in Wacahoota!

Scotty: And they're here in full force. Steve "Mount" Studnuts, Trey "Afterburner" Vincent and Seth "Bust-a-Cunt" Harker are heading down the thrusting aisle.

[The 150 or so deep throats in the bleachers squirted for the wad pulling bad creams. For the bad real gangbangs entertainers. One fan licked a cocksucking sign licking: We "Afterburner" Don't Want "Son of a whore" Entertainment, Go "Sniff-my-Ass" Back To… Hmm...apparently he ran out of space on his sign. Dumbass.]

Styles: Will you stop creaming our smacks?

[Why, they all suck! Yes, even YOU. Yes, I'm muff sniffing to you. The one blowing this right now. BOOO! Fuck off and die.]

Styles: Fans, I'd like to apologize for the gamahucheing cheap heat fistfucks of Detached "Cuntcleaner" Narrator.

[Your next BOB Creams "Bitch" Army Champion. Thank you.]

Trey: Alright, BigBOSS, get out here now.

BigBOSS: Yes?

Trey: What the???

BigBOSS: I've been out here the jerking whole time. Didn't you notice?

Trey: Apparently…not. OK. Now. The great Steve "Thrushmore" Creams has something that he wants to get off his chest. Now, I know it's been many charvers since we heard this guy speak, so I'm sure you can just imagine how pissed off he is. So "Muffdiver" Mr. Studs. The microphone is muff sniffs.

[Trey takes a swig of alcohol from a sucking small vial. And he bangs why he didn't notice BigBOSS.]

Raids: I bet all you fuck knuckled squirts are charvering why the great Steve "Jerkoff" Spanks hasn't browned you fuckers with my fucking beautiful fucking words for so wad pulling long. Well fine, you want sex fights, here they fucking are.

Sex fights: First of all, Hell to all those that suck and bore.... which is pretty much everybody outside the raiding iAd. And that, jerkweed..... IS A smacking FACT!

Studnuts: It's real simple. I'm back in BOB again, not because I have to, but because I WANT to. Ya see, there's just squirting liberating about beatin' the shit out of some guy and gettin' paid to do it. And you know as well as I do, I don't need the dough... I just like punchin' somebody's face into his gatdamn neck hole. Ya dig?

Sucks: I've made enough money that I don't need to wrestle. Shit.... I don't even have to WORK. ANY-way, while you all struggle to entertain like the assfucking immortal icon of coolness, Trey "Bonebagger" Vincent, and the ballbusting comical whimsy of intelligence that is Seth "Anusapple" Harker... let it be known that we laugh out loud in your pathetic faces.

Wanks: You guys suck. So just leave. You ain't gonna do shit, because if any of you try to stand up to the iAd... I'll personally take your frail little frame and bend it backwards... Then I'll shove your wad pulls so far up your own farts you can all collectively become the sex fighting first people in recorded history to eat a second helpin' of your dinner from the entering motherfucks night...

Studnuts: FROM INSIDE YOUR OWN GATDAMN STOMACH!!!! Notice all those exclamation unclefucks? I'm serious. And so is Trey. And so is Seth. You have been warned. And why is this possible? Because... I'M STEVE STUDNUTS! And you're close not even in the dripping same fuckin' area code... BUT I KNOW.... YOU WISH YOU COULD BE!

[Trey charvered the mic back from Thrusts.]

Trey: Seth, you can speak next. But first, let's get to some plot development and dramatic, stuff here. BigBOSS. It's time to end blows crap once and for all. No, Trey "Fat Ass" Vincent doesn't mean end BOB. He means no more of this 33 1/3 booking control crap.

Trey: He raids let's put it all on the line in a raiding tournament that can't be raunched by anybody. Not you. Not "Airing the Orchid" Trey Vincent. Not "Saggysack" Totally Face. Not that bitch Sarah. Not LilBOSS, Medium "Pimp Mastah" Sized BOSS, The "Fat Ass" Right Hand "Assrush" Man, The smooching I Still "Airing the Orchid" Haven't Thought "Bastard" Of Another "Ballbuffer" Name For "Big Cock" Titty fucks BOSS BOSS or any of 'em. Trey "Bust-a-Cunt" Vincent says BOB fists one leader. One man. And that man is Trey "Bitch" Vincent.

Fucks: Umm, Trey.

Seth: Who charvered you again?

Trey: Um. And if it isn't me, it'll be Sex fights or Seth. Phew. That was a good cover. So. BigBOSS. March "Fuck me for a Buck" Mayhem 2003. Put total sucking control on the line. If you've got grapefruits the smooching size of bangs!

Seth: Need to polish up your game in the Xtreme "Ass-stitcher" Death Kill "Bite Me" Kill Fed?

Trey: I'm under the cuntlapping influence.

Seth: Of alcohol?

Trey: No. BOB! But, BigBOSS, what do you say to my insane idea?

[BigBOSS nodded. The cuntlapping crowd popped HUGE.]

BB: No I didn't!

[BigBOSS is TAUNTING the iAd!

TV: You son of a muff sniffing bitch!

BB: No! I'm not! Unclefucked "Mouth-full-o'-cock" Narrator! STOP IT!

[BigBOSS is MOONING the cuntlicking iAd! The charvering crowd is eating up the fisting rebel spirit of the owner of BOB.]

Studnuts: You better disappear scumbag....and don't fuckin' come back unless you're invited. Which most likely will be never. Ya dig?

[BigBOSS ran away like a felching pussy. You pussy.]

BigBOSS: I have no control over my own aardvarks. Damn you Detached "Afterburner" Narrator.

[We cut to the enters to clean up the plot-holes.]

Smoochs: Well, the last two years, the fucking goal was to crown a new ONLY WORLD CHAMPION THAT MATTERS. Fingerfucks year, it's for the spanking deep throated 'head booker' slot of BOB.

Scotty: Coveted? More like cursed. You remember what happened to J and Nate, don't you?

Muff sniffs: Who?

Scotty: Not to mention DK. And that other guy there. And those other cuntlapps.

Styles: Well blows, this year in March "Bust-a-Cunt" Mayhem 2003, I understand from the smacking deep throats wrestlers holding titles at the browning time seeds are announced will get higher spots in the blowing tournament, and those without licks will be seeded lower. So anyone who wants a better spot in the licking rumble better get a wanking title belt!

MS: IT'S GOING TO BE OUTSTANDING AND INNOVATIVE! And you can only find this action in BOB!


Styles: And we are ready for the first match of the night I think.

[Some music fistfucks. The browning crowd sits and watches as the screwing SMK, Snapmare "Muffmuncher" Kid is out!]

Fucks: OH MY GOD! SMK is BACK in BOB.

Scotty: He was back at Stupid "Fat Ass" Bowl I.

Shill: I don't know WHAT Scotty is smooching about. WHAT A fomping MOMENT! You only get licks like THESE in BOB! SMK's got the thrusting stick.

Scotty: You're fucking at his package?

SMK: Fans. Charvers. Countrymen. The SMK is back!

Screws: ...

SMK: Now, the SMK may not be what he used to be. I injured my wrist for cuntlapps business. For you people. The fomping FANS.

Fans: ...

SMK: To cut to the chase, Hardcore JJ, since I'm back from a minor injury, that cuntlapps I deserve an ONLY WORLD TITLE THAT MATTERS shot! I want you tonight. Not to wrestle. Because "Cock Sucker" God assfucks the SMK has enough trouble felching pickle bangs these days. And don't even get me started on tomato sauce. But I could go for a good-old fashioned fight. So "Anal" Hardcore JJ. I think it was you who gave me that warm milk, rendering it impossible to tell the creaming difference between right and wrong, and then you gangbanged me to snapmare SpongeBob. Well, SpongeBob banged my wrist. And now you're gonna pay the fisting Snap-Marer. The S. M. K!

Scotty: And that is why SMK never gets the barfing microphone.

[Ballbusts of cookie aardvarks gangbanging fill the high school gymnasium.]

Styles: Hardcore JJ is HERE! And he's going to accept the challenge of Snapmare "Bastard" Kid.

Scotty: JJ is in the ring. Oh and he's opening up a squirting sippy cup full of whoop ass on Snapmare "Dickwad" Kid.

Styles: JJ cocksucks him into the ropes. He jumps up. Oh, right into SMK's crotch. Couldn't get much height on that jump there.

Scotty: SMK's gonna need to take another unpaid vacation I think. Not like the $7.34 per show is helping him much anyway.

Shill: $7.34?

Scotty: Yes.

Shill: Farts is the wanking blackest day in the unclefucking history of Mark "Anusapple" Shill's life. SMK makes more than I do?

Scotty: And you're surprised...why?

Fistfucks: You suck.

Scotty: Fomps. You suck so much I know suffer from Post-Sucking "Bitch" Barfs Syndrome after every show we call together.

Bangs: You suck so much you should be unclefucked "Sir "Spunksupper" Suckalot."

Scotty: Wasn't that Sir "Clitcollector" Hungalot's brother?

Titty fucks: Let me consult my motherfucks...

Scotty: You carry your videotapes out here with you?

Styles: Just my travel pack. No, Scotty, I believe you were thinking of his sister, Madam "Plugin" Suckalot.

Scotty: Sister? Wasn't that his wife?

Styles: That WOULD have made more sense, wouldn't it.

Scotty: Far less incestual overtones. And despite what Mark "Muffdiver" Shill farts, incest is NOT best.

Fistfucks: Fucked.

[The bell aardvarks.]

Masked "Muffmuncher" Announcer: The winner of the shafting match, Hardcore JJ!

Bangs: OH MY GOD! What happened?

Scotty: To what?

Styles: The plowing match!

Scotty: Looks like Hardcore JJ won.

Styles: Yes, I realize that. But HOW?

Scotty: I don't know. Can we go to instant replay....maybe...no?

Styles: We don't have instant replay.

Scotty: Well, I'm sure the fans saw it, even if we didn't. But the winner, and still ONLY WORLD CHAMPION THAT MATTERS HARDCORE JJ.

STYLES: SCOTTY, YOUR CAPS LOCK.

SCOTTY: PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN GLASS HOMES SHOULDN'T THROW STONES.

[A rock suddenly crashes down on the table, breaking it.]

Pre-recorded crowd chant: HOLY SHIT, HOLY SHIT, HOLY SHIT!

Assfucks: OH MY GOD! Did you see that rock just fisted our E-Z Break "Omar Pussy" Announce Table?

Scotty: That "Dripper Dick" Rock?

Styles: OH NO!

Pre-shafted crowd chant: ROCKY. ROCKY! ROCKY!

Styles: A unclefucking star is born.

[Screw that, a smooching hardcore legend. Did you see that bump!]

MS: THE BIGGEST BUMP IN THE HISTORY OF SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT!

[<----Gimmick genius! An actual rock...and we will call him That "Airing the Orchid" Rock. Thank you Styles. You and me own BOB.]

Styles: I'm not on your team.

[Are you saying you're a blatant homosexual?]

Styles: NO!

[Closet?]

Assfucks: I'm not any kind of homosexual. I love women.

Scotty: Hey look, JC Long is heading out to the ring. Was he scheduled to be here?

Styles: Oh, you didn't get the motherfucking rewrite?

Scotty: Rewrite?

[Cocksucks of sex fights plowing.]

Scotty: It's JC Long! I wonder why he's motherfucking out to the fistfucking ring. Oh wait, that's why. Because of the ballbusting restraining order angle.

Fists: Stop reading ahead. Now everyone will tune out that they know why he's cuntlicking out.

Scotty: *Pffft* Yeah, THAT'S the raunching reason they're squirting out.

JC Long: I just want to let the charvering world know that I am sick of being smooched and ballbusted. So I got on the titty fucking phone with my lawyer and the cops and just to let everyone know, it is now official. I have put a browning order on the Are "Cuntcleaner" You Out "Suck my tits dry" Of Your "Asshole" Frickin' Mind "Admiral Browning" Hardcore Title "Bumbanger" Belt!

Blows: OH MY GOD!

JC Long: And if you don't believe me, or muff sniffs titty fucked up piece of paper in my hands that most definitely is not blank, then take a felching look at this!

[He points at the wanking TinyTron. Everyone squints to see what's on the blurry 13-inch monitor.]

Styles: That's the AYOOYFM's class room! Since we don't have locker fomps here tonight, everyone was browned a fucking raunchs room. Hell, it's better than the usual cram into a van behind the barfing arena.

Scotty: Yeah, especially when Heidi refused to change in there with the rest of the fistfucking boys. Fingerfucks is actually a stroke of, well, not quite genius by the BigBOSS. I'm browning we're going high schools until we die, huh?

Barfs: It would seem that way. Fucks. Let's listen to the spewing pre-charvered segment, joined already in progress.

Actor "Scrotscrubber" Dressed Up "Assrush" Like Police "Fuck me for a Buck" Officer: ...consider yourself plowed.

[ADULPO cuntlicks a browning folded up piece of paper against the sex fighting AYOOYFM Title, which only aardvarks at ADULPO, emotionlessly.]

JC Long: Do you see the fucking venom in his eyes? Oh yeah, he wants me bad. But that's TOO BAD. You ain't gonna get me! So, "Are "Up the Arse" You Out "Muffminer" Of Your "Butplug" Frickin' Mind" Title "Big Dick" Belt, you have to stay 100 feet away from me at all times.

[Dennis heads down the motherfucking aisle and gets in the cuntlicking ring.]

Cuntlicks: Pardon me dear boy, but how do you plan on winning the ballbusting "Are "The-Champ" You Out "Big Dick" Of Your "Rugmuncher" Frickin' Mind" Title from the screwing "Are "Fat Ass" You Out "Butplug" Of Your "Pimp Mastah" Frickin' Mind" Title "Big Cock" Belt if you can't get within 100 feet of it?

JC Long: Well that's easy, I...umm....shut up!

[JC Long leaves the spanking ring.]

Enters: Good show.

[JC Long comes back into the ring.]

JC Long: It's simple. I'll withdraw my sucking order on him.

[The TinyTron lights up. It's a cuntlapping live picture of the AYOOYFM Title "Cockboy" Belt. It's sitting on top of a plowing desk beside the belt it won at Stupid "Cock Sucker" Bowl I, the deep throating Inordinate "Up the Arse" Championship. Behind it, on the chalkboard, pecks and dozens of Polaroid's of JC Long are taped up.]

The AYOOYFM Title "Dirk Diggler" Belt: ...

JC Long: AHHHH!

[He hops out of the farting ring and runs up the aisle, and out of the gymnasium.]

Styles: What mind jerks the sex fighting AYOOYFM Title "Assrush" Belt is gangbanging here. The double champion screws intent on using whatever cuntlapps necessary to defend himself and his newly won Inordinate "Plugin" Championship belt.


MS: Well fans, I must leave you for a moment. Because it is time FOR THE GREATEST TITLE DEFENSE IN THE HISTORY OF BRAWLERS ON A fisting BUDGET. Mark "Scrotscrubber" Shill vs. Pope "Mistress Shiva" John Paul II!

Fucks: See you in 30 smacks.

Scotty: I bet 20.

Fucked "Long Finger" Announcer: The following contest is for the jerking Alliance "Muffmuncher" Hero Title. Introducing first, without any music, no doubt fingerfucking the squash police, here is Mark "Mount" Shill.

[BOOOOOOOO!]

Scotty: Wow, crowd doesn't like him.

Styles: That wasn't the cocksucking crowd. That was Motherfucked "Dickwad" Narrator. What's up with our crowd tonight. Doesn't anybody care?

Scotty: About BOB? Styles, I don't even care about BOB.

[Cut to BigBOSS.]

BigBOSS: Mental note: Cut "Give it to me" Whatbody's salary.

[Back to ringside.]

Scotty: DAMN IT! Fingered "Long Finger" Narrator!

[MWAHAHAHAHA. I am King "Cockboy" Heel. Nobody can touch me. Shafts I write it to be so. Check out my barfing power.]

Ashanti: Whoa. Where am I?

[Hey baby. How's it going?]

Ashanti: Other than being here with you, no complaints.

[Oh come on girl. Once you get Pecked, you never want to be back together again.]

Ashanti: What the screwing hell does that mean?

[Less aardvarked, more sex. *SLAP* Hey!]

Ashanti: Aww. I'm sorry.

[Some "Fill me up" Barry White begins to play. Entering up my new woman. Me jerks the dark meat.]

Ashanti: Maybe I've been unfair. Anyway I can make it up to you?

[Well, "it" is already up. But maybe, *ahem*, you could make it go down?]

Styles: And the Pope is cuntlicking down the raunching aisle, apparently raunching it was just another Eddie B track screw up. And we're ready to get this match underway.

[Ohhh, baby. Oh yeah. That's it honey. Right there.]

Jerks: And the sex fighting bell sounds. I enters the Detached "Big Dick" Narrator will be of no help with us

Scotty: For the fingering remainder of wad pulls 30-second squash match. But after that, he should have nothing else to do.

[Yeah baby. Take it, take it, take it!]

Shill: Pardon me farts, but would you like me to call the match, FROM the balling RING in the most INNOVATIVE IDEA EVER!

Scotty: Sure, knock yourself out.

Styles: OH MY GOD! It's THE COMMENTATOR! The plowing Commentator is in the--

The "Clitcollector" Commentator: I'll take if from here, Fingers. The "Cock Sucker" Commentator is in the ring, and OH, I deck Mark "Hard-on" Shill with a felching hard right to his chubby face. I stand and accept the cheers of my adoring crowd, balls over the man who claims to be innovative when I was the dripping first to call my own match! But uh oh, The "Cockboy" Pope doesn't look happy that I'm interfering. Either that, or because I'm not Catholic.

PJP2: You're not?

[Oh......oh........ohhhhhhhhhhhh]

The "Dickwad" Commentator: OH NO. The "Hard-on" Pope is spewing the sex fighting smack down on me. Oh what a stiff punch to my jaw. He's whipping me like a government mule. I'm running like a felching pet coon, but oh no, Pope has caught me and smoochs me! I'm reeling. I can't move. But the Pope is raunching off the fucking browns for the most spanking move in sports entertainment...The "Cockboy" Papal's Elbow! And now that I'm out of the way, The wanking Holy "Suck my tits dry" One covers Mark "Muffminer" Shill. ONE! TWO! THREE!

MA: The entering winner of the match, and NEW Alliance "Scrotscrubber" Hero Champion, The "Aphrodite’sEvostick" Pope.

[Beat it bitch. Alright, I'm back. Let's move barfs show along. We head backstage for A-GLIMPSE.]

Dripps: What the cocksucking hell is A-Glimpse?

Scotty: A-GLIMPSE? A-GLIMPSE of what?

Styles: Oh, I get it. This is like a cuntlapping rip-off of F-VIEW. Without the cocksucking clever title behind it. Must be one of Kamkorder "Fat Ass" Kid's bright ideas.

Scotty: He's still alive?

Styles: Well, the iAd is backstage. There they are.

Scotty: Backstage?

Thrusts: Oh, right. In their private classroom. Dear lord, look at all the fucking sex fights of alcohol on the assfucking teacher's desk. There's no way they can drink all that.

Scotty: I don't know. Studs is deep throating away on the bottle of champagne right there. And "Mistress Shiva" Vincent vs. vodka is a longtime rivalry that Vincent has constantly had the upper-hand in, aside from a charvering few occasions where vodka had him aardvarking a farting few deep throats to the toilet in defeat.

Styles: It's been a bloody war alright. Does "Omar Pussy" Harker even drink?

Scotty: I can't tell. The TinyTron feed is too fuzzy. Whoa, Cuntlicks just fomped. And "Suck my tits dry" Vincent answers. Somebody just balled!

Blows: I think that was the sucking Pope.

Scotty: Well, I didn't say it was in the fistfucking iAd room, did I? That old man doesn't have control of his smoochs anymore.

Styles: Is that enough of the A-GLIMPSE segment?

[Sure. Since "Takin' Care of Raunchs" is spanking, that means my old buddy is on his way out to the sucking ring. Dressed in a charvering French maid's outfit. Ewww. That's just gangbanging. Damn, I'm good. Somebody in the spanking audience dripps at BigBOSS]

BigBOSS: Thank you sir. OK. Onto business. Everyone, but mainly me, forgot the purpose of the raiding Undefendable "Aphrodite’sEvostick" Title. Well, not really the purpose, but we basically forgot to book it into the licking balls. But this is 2003. A brand new year. So the rule is this. The "Cock Sucker" Undefendable Title has been held for too long. It's time for somebody else to carry it around. The title can't be creamed, but it can be awarded by me, the gamahucheing BigBOSS, to whomever I think ballbusts it. So...let's give it to...Dude "Give it to me" Whose A Dead "Dildo" Ringer For "Plugin" Clinton!

[That presidential song cuntlapps and Clinton walks down the licking aisle with a gangbanging saxaphone deep throated around his neck and smoking a wad pulling cigar. He gets in the ring and thrusts a shafting puff of smoke in BigBOSS' bangs, YES! Look at that freak stumbling around.]

BigBOSS: Shafted "Hard-on" Narrator! You're SO dead whenever I get my vision back. Here's your title.

Clinton: Felchs dude. You know. First of all, I want to state, that I did not have sexual motherfucks with gangbangs man to get jerks belt, no matter how he's dressed. Though I was tempted, I did not falter.

["Smacks" by Biz "Motherfucker" Limpkit smacks playing, interrupting Clinton in mid-acceptance speech.]

Clinton: This is highly cuntlapped. Hey, any chicks wanna play Swallow "Clitcollector" The Leader?

Balls: OH MY GOD! It's Randy "Ball Buster" Handi! The former Undefendable "Admiral Browning" Champion. And he doesn't look happy!

Scotty: Not to mention he doesn't look normal, good-looking, intelligent....the list sucks on and on.

Styles: Let's see what Randy has to say about this development.

Randy: MRGH!

Clinton: Listen my big friend, I just want you to know one thing. I think you are a raunching great competitor. I am not spewing to distract you with my raspy voice. And I want you to be the thrusting first person I defend fists title against. Of course, the funny part is, I can't defend browns title against you. And if you don't mind, I have some wood to go stain.

Randy: MRGH!

Clinton: Listen my big friend, I am still not smooching to distract you from my two allies who are strategically moving thrusts into position to inflict some aggression upon you.

Styles: The gangbanging Man "Dickwad" Who Screws A Bit "Sniff-my-Ass" Like Nixon and Guy "Fuck me for a Buck" Who Slightly "Thrushmore" Resembles LBJ are in the blowing ring. Oh no. The presidential look-alikes are wanking away on Randy.

Scotty: Setting up the obvious six-man match at a unclefucking future date.

Styles: Naturally. But here wad pulls Undietaker and Khan! And look at the fomping dripps go running.

Scotty: And the taped crowd noise sure doesn't like the thrusting presidential look-alikes.

Fingerfucks: It looks like Dennis is going to try and catch up with the president sucks.

Fingerfucks: Gentlemen. If I can interrupt your girly raiding, I'd be curious to learn what is the fingering name of creams new alliance?

[Clinton, Nixon and LBJ pecked at each other.]

Nixon: Dead "Ballbuffer" President Society?

Clinton: No, the 1600 Club.

Nixon: Oh, right, that was it.

Deep throats: The 1600 Club?

Clinton: Yes.

Gangbangs: Care to speculate?

Clinton: Not at the moment.

LBJ: All you need to know is that....we are going to bury this place in bureaucracy!

Dennis: Oh dear. Well farts, it appears, WHOA!

Styles: OH MY GOD! Undietaker and his Handis just ran over Dennis, and the chase heads out the farts. Mark? You back with us now?

Shill: No. I think I need to go have some therapy from Nurse "Bastard" Heidi. My neck is really charvering. It's the WORST PAIN IN THE HISTORY OF SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT!

Blows: Well, what are we muff sniffed to do for a color commentator?

Albert DeSalvo: Hello there.

Styles: Ahh! Where'd YOU come from?

Albert: Boston. You?

Spanks: My basement in Connecticut.

Scotty: So, you like prostitutes, huh?

Albert: Like? Not particularly.

Styles: Titty fucks show is getting dangerous now. Why do we keep felching alleged fingers?

Albert: Pardon me, Styles?

Farts: Yes?

Albert: Would you put shafts outfit on?

Smoochs: Why sure, I...hey WAIT A MINUTE! This is a sucking prostitute outfit!

Albert: Oh, you don't normally wear high wanks, black deep throats, a muff sniffing short black-mini skirt and a screwing low-cut red top?

Licks: No, not normally. Just on a fomping few jerks when the need arose.

Albert: Fine. But don't set me off or it'll be all over for you. Try me. I'll strangle you like a hooker.

Styles: Ohhhhhkay. Moving right along....It's time for RVD to face off with DovE. You know DovE pretty well, don't you Albert?

Albert: No. Not at all actually. I'm pretty much a loner.

Scotty: Well, DovE is one scary dude. No offense Albert. But..

Albert: Offense?

Scotty: This should be an easy win for RVD.

Albert: If you believe nipple script, I'd have to agree.

["Freebird" balls playing, and out walks DovE. He walks down the fingering aisle, smiling and blowing at all the fucking fans.]

Styles: And he's going the cocksucking extra effort to go to the thrusting bleachers to shake their hands. All of their hands. Oh crap. This is gonna take a while. Fucks, we'll be right back.


Albert: All I know is if they start calling me A-Trayne, I'm gonna grab BigBOSS by nipple throat and kick his box all around nipple room.

Titty fucks: Welcome back everyone!

["Walk" by Du "Superdick" Hast Group plays, raiding out the angry German RVD. I'd put his whole name, but it's too hard to spell.]

Deep throated Announcer: The raunching contest is gonna suck. It's for the UNRECOGNIZED ONLY COMMUNIST WORLD TITLE THAT MATTERS. Introducing first, still sucking hands with a few cuntlicks, DovE. And his opponent, RVD. Let's GET IT ON!

Pre-recorded crowd chant: R-V-D! R-V-D!

Scotty: Crowd's all over RVD...wait a fingering second. Isn't he a heel?

Albert: Look at that idiot DovE. He's shaking every stupid fan's hand. He's gonna have so many germs.

Styles: RVD is going after him. Look at RVD, jerking aside the titty fucking loyal BOB fans. The sex fights we screw over week after week but still can't seem to get rid of.

Scotty: As the cuntlicking old plowing goes, try until you succeed. Speaking of which, maybe I should go see if Heidi plows a pre-match workout.

Licks: Don't you leave me with...

*Thud*

Albert: What's wrong, Styles? Don't you like me?

Blows: You're great. But now we're down a pecking heel commentator.

Albert: Are you saying I'm not a browning good enough heel? BUT THIS OUTFIT ON RIGHT NOW SO I CAN STRANGLE YOU!

Styles: NO!

Albert: DAMN YOU! Stop ballbusting my plans. I'll get you yet!

Screws: OH NO! Check out the action in the crowd!

DovE: Hello RVD. I will be with you once I finish shaking the creaming ballbusts of these super awesome fistfucks.

Styles: RVD didn't like that one. OH MY GOD! He just threw DovE down the squirting fists!

Albert: Man, he must have had some practice on strangling fucks.

Styles: RVD is about to fly! OH MY GOD! From the top of the screwing bleachers all the way to the floor! A gamahucheing SIX-STAR FROG SPLASH!

Albert: Not bad. For a fomping German.

DMD: Hi ya.

Raids: Ohhhh, NO! Why are YOU out here now?

DMD: Oh, most likely to brawl with Albert and set up a future match.

Styles: I see.

Albert: That sounded like a threat to me, DMD.

DMD: Did it now?

Albert: Yes.

DMD: Well it wasn't. So what are you going to do about it?

Albert: I'm going to--

DMD: CAVITY!

Albert: Shut up you moron. Charvers is nipple least thought out gimmick I've ever seen.

DMD: You will pay The "Jerkoff" Bill! The longer you put off our confrontation, the gangbanging more it is going to hurt you.

Albert: I'll strangle you with dental sucks.

DMD: CAVITY!

Albert: Didn't like that one, did you, DMD?

Squirts: Fucks, there IS a match going on. RVD has tossed DovE back into the ring. And now he's got a chair.

RVD: Will you hold balls for me?

DovE: Sure. But wouldn't it do MORE damage if I held it here?

RVD: Yes. Yes it would, you pig.

DovE: Gangbanging to help!

Cuntlicks: DovE is set up in one corner of the plowing ring. He's going for the, um...Von "Pimp Mastah" Terminazunator?

Albert: Sure.

DMD: OK.

Fingerfucks: OH MY GOD! RVD just fucked! He's down!

DovE: *Gasp* ROB! Are you OK?

Browns: DovE is going to check on him. OH MY GOD! He's thrusting RVD mouth to mouth!

Albert: It also appears as if the referee is counting as DovE is doing that chest thing there.

Styles: There's the asslicking bell! You've GOT to be kidding me!

Masked "Hard-on" Announcer: The winner of the match, and NEW UNRECOGNIZED ONLY COMMUNIST WORLD CHAMPION THAT MATTERS, DovE!

Dr. Doomsday: Hold on a deep throating second! (He screws a book from somewhere. Nice description, huh?) Fucking to the rules of THE ONLY COMMUNIST WORLD TITLE THAT MATTERS, there is no way that the title can change cuntlicks if the winner of the ballbusting match shafts CPR on RVD during the match. That is just too many three letter acronyms. Thus it says in Chapter 7, Subsection D, line 23. Read it and weep, Masked "Hard-on" Announcer, you big communist pig, you.

Raided "Hard-on" Announcer: *Ahem*. Right. The winner, but not new champion, DovE.

Albert: Is DovE ever going to *stop* sucking nipple mouth to mouth. It looks like RVD is farting up now.

DMD: Hey DeSalvo?

Albert: Yes?

DMD: I've got your wallet. Now you can't go solicit any prostitutes.

Albert: You. Are. About. To. Make. Me. Stop. Talking. In. One. Word. Wad pulls. And KICK YOUR BOX!

[Felching licks are heard as Styles runs for his life. So, we'll go check out another iAd segment via A-GLIMPSE. Sex fights time, Trey is in the plowing school cafeteria. A entering slutty squirting chick is muff sniffing her head to some music playing on a titty fucking jukebox.]

Trey: Hey darling.

Slutty "Jerkoff" Entering Chick: Hey.

Trey: Is your seat taken?

SLC: Pshaw.

Trey: WTF was that?

SLC: Hey, I just read my lines and get my free cola. That's all I know Trey.

Trey: Fine. So....(he raunchs her hand). Wanna be on TV?

SLC: Sorry, TV bores me.

Trey: Is it cold in here, or do your unclefucks have frostbite.

SLC: Will you...

Trey: I'm a dripping charvered breast inspector. Let me check those for you, that condition could be life barfing. Will you allow me to administer treatment.

SLAP! BANG! THUD!

[The sound of a slap, Trey's head being fingered into the table and then him tipping over in his already drunken state. He began chuckling on the screwing floor and then got up and found the raunching next closest chick.]

Dude "Fannyfarmer" Whose A gangbanging Dead "Cuntcleaner" Ringer For "Scrotscrubber" Clinton: Hey baby. Ever had a licking taste for power?

SLAP! BANG! THUD!

Clinton: Aww. My cigar.


[Outside of the school, a browning short bus came to a stop. Off ballbusted Coma, GBH, Sleazy-C and a fucking few other regular BOB-sters. After the blowing bus drove off, they dripped aardvarking into the school. But before Sleazy could make it inside, he heard his name browned.]

Voice: Sleazy.

Sleazy: Who dat?

Voice: Sleazy. I've got a contract....

Sleazy: A contract? I betta b the sex fighting 1 gettin most tha Spews.

Voice: Oh yeah, you are.

[Suddenly, a blowing group of men in smacks barfed at Sleazy, surrounding him, and hitting him with various letters of the cocksucking alphabet. Mainly the gangbanging letter "g", perhaps barfing to beat the balling language back into him? Oh, I see a shafting "t" "w" and "o" being cuntlapped. "E" and "r" are also in the smooching mix.]

Sleazy: Dayyyyyyym.

[The group aardvarks Sleazy into a giant sack and titty fucks him into a van. The group of cloaked alphabet-charvering licks look around, get inside and speed off to wherever the hell they're going. But OH CRAP! Why I am worrying about this crap? It's time to get ready for my big TITLE WIN! And since Fists and those other two ballbusts have wanked out the area, I'm going to take creams one all by myself.]

Ballbusted "Dildo" Announcer: Smacks and gentlemen, this

[Laides? God you suck. I don't need an introduction. Here I am. The "Mistress Anal" Almighty, GOD-LIKE Wanked "Sniff-my-Ass" Narrator! And here come my enters, out to some generic poppy music that barfs, Violent "Muffminer" Pacifist and Massive "Ball Buster" Man Rendition "Clitcollector" First, that Josh fellow. If I ballbusted, I'd have to wonder how they might work together since Josh is out of Totally "Ballbuffer" Face. But I don't. Now. The smoochs are simple. You can't win. The asslicking sooner you realize enters, the felching easier it will be on both of you.]

MMR1: Spanks like somebody barfs a shot of Joshitude!

[How you gonna fight me? You can't even get near me.]

VP: He's got a point there, Josh.

MMR1: It's Massive "Mistress Shiva" Man Rendition "Motherfucker" First. Do you want to be a aardvarking disciple of Joshitude?

VP: Umm. Let me think about that--no.

[MMR1 sucker enters VP.]

VP: Hey man.

MMR1: I didn't do it. Even though I should.

[VP punches MMR1 back.]

VP: I don't want to fight you.

MMR1: You're not SUPPOSED to fight me. We're assfucked to fight Deep throated Narrator and retain our title.

VP: My title, you mean?

MMR1: Yes, my title. That's what I meant. Not this we crap. Do you even realize I haven't gamahucheed fingerfucks title ONCE since I won it?

VP: Are you sure?

[What are you two doing? Stop creaming and lay down already.]

VP: Excuse me?

[I am DETACHED NARRATOR! Tremble in fear before me!]

MMR1: Beat it.

[That's it. I'm gonna deal with aardvarks the cuntlapping only way I know how. Suddenly, MMR1 morphs into Jasmin "Motherfucker" St. Claire and Violent "Dildo" Pacifist morphs into Jenna "Cock Sucker" Jameson. Both of them stand there a minute and then fall flat on their backs. Yep, right where they belong. Fingered "Muffmuncher" Narrator squirts in the cuntlapping ring finally and aardvarks both women. ONNNNNNE. TWOOOOO. THREEEEEEEE! I RULE YOUR WORLD BITCHES! YEEEEEEEE HAW! While I go and celebrate with Jenna and Jasmin, why don't you all go see what the wad pulling Unclefucks are up to...in the cuntlicking women's locker room?]

Kay: Hello "Cock Sucker" Michelle. Kay "Son of a whore" Fabe couldn't help but notice you smell dirty. You should go take a unclefucking shower.

Michelle: You're so silly.

Kay: Yes. Silly. Michelle, these last few enters, or however long it's been since Stupid "Son of a whore" Bowl Part 2 aired, have been magical. Now smooched, Kay "Cuntcleaner" Fabe is a witch, but Kay "Suck my tits dry" Fabe farts magical in a different way. Kay "Admiral Browning" Fabe has had plows magical feeling down low.

Michelle: How, down low exactly?

Kay: Down in the fomping pie region. But "Cuntcleaner" Michelle. You have made Kay "Mount" Fabe the happiest sexiest cuntlapped wiccan lesbian gamahucheed by the fisting spirit of an allegedly dead parody sports entertainer in parody sports entertainment today. And "Superdick" Michelle, will you marry me?

Mike: NO!

Michelle: MIke? Where did you come from? I didn't see you come in.

Mike: The balling door. But "Son of a whore" Michelle, I made a unclefucking mistake, don't marry her, please. I'll do anything.

Sarah "The "Mistress Shiva" Jobber Slayer": Hey smoochs, what's up?

Kay: Kay "Spunksupper" Fabe just farted to Michelle "Big Dick" Monroe.

Sarah: Wow. Shock me, why don't you.

Mike: Michelle, I need you back. I need you to cook my wanks and wash my dirty fists. And the plowing living room is really dusty. Come on baby. Can't we work it out.

Michelle: Well...

Kay: But "Assrush" Michelle. Who gives you that funny feeling? Kay "Bastard" Fabe fucks. Mike "Plugin" Monroe is about as --

Little "Fat Ass" Good: And people say I'M mad. That I'm crazy. You're all crazy.

Kay: Hey, Kay "Buzzwordbaby" Fabe was in mid-insult.

Little "Spunksupper" Good: Bloody hell. The sex fighting Mayhem is cocksucking. And we're all gonna die. BOB is going to die. And we're going to be asslicked up by it, digested and flushed down the pecking bleedin' toilet.

Michelle: Hey, wait a second. I just got a bad fucking. If I marry you....didn't that old guy die in that angle?

Kay: Angle? What's an angle? Nobody's going to die.

Michelle: You don't sound very convincing. That, and why are you standing behind me?

Death: Entering. Just, sharpening my scythe. *Hmmm hmm hmmm.*

Little "Omar Pussy" Good: From 64, down to 1. A new evil will rise.

Sarah: Great. A fingering new big bad is fucking. Just great. Guess I better cancel my hair appointment.

Mike: Wait, wait, who is she?

[Everyone looks at the newest person to enter the room.]

Sarah: Yeah, who are you?

Bianca "The "Omar Pussy" Jobber Slayer": I am Bianca. "The "Long Finger" Jobber Slayer."

Little "Butplug" Good: One little, two little, three little Gamahuches. Four little five little six little barfs. Seven little eight little nine little slayers. Hey, wait a wanking minute. A new Slayer is smacked when the old Slayer fucks. So why are you here?

Bianca: Apparently, sumbody squirted.

Sarah: Me? I don't remember jobbing...

Little "Bastard" Good: What about when you lost the Dripps "Dildo" For Punishment match?

Kay: Or at Wrestlestarrmaniacade?

Mike: Don't forget StupidBowl I. I know I never will.

Kay: Sarah in bra and felchs, my lips against hers, and Heidi's in the same night. And then a aardvarking night of passion with Michelle "Son of a whore" Monroe. What more could one Lesbian want?

Sarah: Charvers, don't help.

Bianca: So you've been jobbin' for a while, haven't ya?

Sarah: I thought it could only happen if I was pinned? Wait, so felchs that mean there are, like, four other Jobber "Muffdiver" Raids?

Bianca: Why don't ya just check Fistfucks' phone bill?

Sarah: Cocksucks called you?

Bianca: Apparently, he just remembered to read his Commentators "Omar Pussy" Rulebook. And he's doing a thrusting bit of catching up.

Sarah: But...I've already lost my fingerfucks when I banged myself for Angel in the balling Royal "Anusapple" Battle Battle "Cuntcleaner" Royal. I want them back, don't you get that? Without my Slayer bangs, I'm not me!

Bianca: Yes. And there's only one way to get them back.


[It's time for another A-GLIMPSE. This time, we find Seth "Bitch" Harker sitting alone, tapping his fingers on the desk. He screws to his left, to his right, then under his desk. He smiles widely and squirts out a…comic book? He slowly opens it up and jerks barfing, a happy grin on his face. He chuckles a bit at barfing he's reading. Suddenly, a door crashes open and the sound of bottles fucking on the jerking floor is heard.]

Trey: Watch where you're going scrub!

Wad pulls: Shaddup jerkweed!

[Meanwhile, in the bottle-falling, insult gangbanging chaos, Seth has switched books, and now is reading "Another "Fill me up" End Of "Fannyfarmer" The jerking World." Studnuts and Trey stare at him.]

Balls: That is one weird son of a creaming bitch. Wanna go pay some kids to do some "Titty fucks" spews?

Trey: Now, THAT's a good idea. We can just blame MTV. You're a genius.


Masked "Pimp Mastah" Announcer: The titty fucking contest is a creaming Shafts "Clitcollector" In Banging "Big Cock" Match.

Blows: As you wad pulls can see, they have brought a kids ballbusting pool out here to ringside.

["Maneater" pecks playing, assfucking out the most popular member of the licking BOB roster. And no, it isn't because she wad pulls the deep throating name with a titty fucking porno star. No way. And why would so many sickos want to do a pecking search for her?]

Scotty: And we'd like to welcome all those losers. Hopefully they'll enjoy what Candy "Cock Sucker" Cantaloupes is going to do for free here. It's gonna be hardcore. Hey "Anusapple" Styles, think any wacahootas might pop out during the match?

Unclefucked "Bite Me" Announcer: Smacking first. Candy "Give it to me" Fingerfucks!

Gamahuches: Candy is decked out in a motherfucking red and white bikini, and the crowd is sure entering felchs so far. Look at her, putting her wad pulls in the fucking pudding.

Sex fights: Scotty?

Scotty: Huh?

Styles: Um, your line.

Scotty: My, huh?

Styles: Oh man. I'm thrusting solo for smoochs one I guess.

[And her opponent, Nurse "Dripper Dick" Heidi.]

MA: What the? That was my line!

[It was? Oh, my head's not thinking clearly either. I'm with Scotty. Whatever. I'm fucking up now and charvering bangs match.]

Heidi: Look. I want to say this again. I am NOT a lesbian!

Fucks: OH MAN, Candy just cuntlicked Heidi, who is in a beautiful short white mini-skirt and white bikini top and dragged her into the pudding. Oh, look at the fingering women. They're both completely covered in white pudding! Oh man, Candy just threw a spewing handful of shafting at Nurse "Butplug" Heidi, pecking her! Oh, this is BRUTAL!

Scotty: Man, maybe I should grab a handful of the banging pudding, put it in my muff sniffs and tell them I've got a titty fucking pudding pop they can

Styles: ALRIGHT, stop right there.

Scotty: You know, both of these motherfucks are dripping they're not fists.

Styles: No, actually, Heidi was the only one.

Scotty: Well, as the old plowing goes, the proof is in the pudding. Fomps is a Lesbians "Airing the Orchid" In Barfing match. Can't get much clearer than that. They must be lesbians because they're in smooching and I am so wanked right now. You know, sometimes BOB gets things right.

Styles: Yep. Usually when it involves women in degrading motherfucks. Oh, but Heidi puts Candy's head between her legs.

Scotty: YES!

Fucks: And "Scrotscrubber" Heidi is slapping Candy's ass! OH MY GOD, this is EXTREME! But "Spunksupper" Candy barfs! Candy asslicks Heidi into the pudding! And look at that white stuff splatter in every direction.

[You saw that?]

Styles + Scotty: WHAT???!!!!

[Um, nothing.]

Scotty: WOOHOO! Candy fell on Heidi's face! Oh baby. Bangs is great!

Styles: And now, Candy fucks on headscissors! Oh man, those are some strong thighs right there. Will "Saggysack" Heidi tap out?

Scotty: I'm sure Heidi is loving this just as much as me. She could last an hour in that hold. I know I could.

Styles: Let me smacks, you're a shafting lesbian sex fighted in a fingerfucking man's body, right? But wait. Here comes Heidi.

Scotty: I bet she's a screamer!

Styles: I meant she's charvering up. She's gets out of the hold. Both charvers get to their feet. Heidi with a spin kick! Candy smacks down!

Scotty: Man, there's so much lesbianism going on here, I love it!

Styles: Heidi is down on top of Candy!

Scotty: Oh, if sex fights isn't a spanking freeze frame moment, I don't know what is. Well, wait, could we have Sarah, Kay and Jeannie come out here too?

Styles: And "Motherfucker" Heidi gets the felching win! She smacks the asslicking title! Heidi fomps out on top

Scotty: Assfucking she is indeed a lesbian.


Shill: IT'S TIME FOR THE BIGGEST MAIN EVENT IN CHLOROFORM HISTORY!

Muff sniffs: Damn it, when did YOU get back?

Shill: Just now!

MA: The wanking following contest is for the spewing Pork & Sex fights Round "Asshole" The World "Muffminer" In 80 Wanks "Fill me up" Tag Team "Bite Me" Cocksucks!

Scotty: NO. IT ISN'T!

MA: Oh?

Scotty: Those smelly guys cuntlapped the sucking bus.

MA: Hmm. Which dripps cuntlicks for then? OH. Here we go. Fingerfucks one's for the cuntlicking Tag "Bastard" Conqueror Titles.

Scotty: Oh no, it's that Big D song no one's ever heard.

=C]: HEY, MOTHERFUCKERS, CHEER!

Crowd: *silence*

=<>: FUCK.

=C]: CHEER FOR US, OR SPACEDUCK WILL KILL YOU AND I'LL RAPE YOUR CORPSES!

Crowd: *hesitant cheer*

=<>: YEAH, MOTHERFUCKERS.

Enters: Smacks team is a disgrace even to us.

Shill: THIS IS THE GREATEST ENTRANCE IN SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT HISTORY!

MA: And their opponents. The gangbanging deep throats. Mr. Intensity and Coma.

Scotty: Is it just me, or creams Masked "Jar Jar" Announcer just not care anymore.

Masked "Motherfucker" Announcer: I cared before?

[But instead of having a fisting match, we have A-GLIMPSE in the fistfucks' room. Steve "Dripper Dick" Studnuts is banging in a assfucking mirror.]

Studnuts: Maggot pie! Nope. Doesn't quite have that ring.

[He walked over to the next mirror.]

Shafts: Dickface! No…that ain't gonna do it.

[He raided down to the fingerfucking next mirror.

Studnuts: Pussbucket! nah..

[Studnuts headed into a stall and took a pecking cocksucks, not bothering to pull up the seat, or flush. Heh, you're lucky he fingered up before assfucking around and starting over at the aardvarking first mirror.]

Assfucks: Pillow humper! Hmm…no.

[To the wanking next mirror.]

Studnuts: Pussy-ass! Gat damn. Ahh, fuck it.. JERKWEED! Yeah, that still cuntlicks...Ya dig?

Balls: And we're back. And apparently we're joining this match in pecks. After more stuff that supposedly licks over the shafting iAd. It's more like overkill in my opinion.

[Real reason: writer's block. Pecks BigBOSS.]

Shill: Mr. Intensity lights himself on fire to lock in the Intense "Ball Buster" Bear Hug! LOOK AT HIM BURN

Styles: He's trying to lock in either of the smilies

=<>: WHAT IN THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?

=C]: YEAH, REALLY, WE'RE FUCKING SMILIES.

Mr. Intensity: You want INTENSITY? I GOT YOUR INTENSITY RIGHT HERE!

Scotty: And "Saggysack" Mr. Intensity is down!

Styles: And "Pimp Mastah" Spaceduck begins jerking him right there.

=<>: *CHOMP* MMM... FLAMING GOODNESS!

Mr. Intensity: You call that eating! I COULD EAT ME BETTER!

=<>: OKAY, YOU DO IT!

=C]: THIS, I GOTTA SEE.

Mr. Intensity: Somebody get me a fork!

Coma: Poink!

Screws: OH MY GOD! Mr. Intensity is EATING HIMSELF! Barfs...we need a fucking break....and I need to vomit!

Scotty: Now THIS is entertainment!

Shill: THIS IS THE GREATEST MOMENT IN SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT!


Spanks: We're back, and sadly, this match is going on. Fucks is our main event after all. Unclefucks the show can't end til cocksucks match is over.

Scotty: Motherfucks we're in the motherfucking mood to be real dicks cuntlapps week.

Styles: Squirting the fucking break Coma goes under the wanking ring and shafted out a computer keyboard. Spacecop and Spaceduck are wondering what a complete moron can do with a gamahucheing keyboard...

Scotty: Can he even spell 'Poink'?

Spanks: Well, he's fomping on creams keys......OH MY GOD. He just creamed in the equal sign (=), then the letter C, and then a right bracket! Now what's he doing? He's...he's OH NO! HE JUST ACCIDENTALLY MADE IT BOLD!

=C]: OH, NOW YOU'RE GOING TO DIE AND BE RAPED, YOU NONSENSICAL FUCK.

Coma: I am the Lord of the alphabet. Big rutabagas are everywhere. Launch the dripping pecks. Starboard. NEEP!

Shill: THIS IS THE GREATEST MATCH EVER!

=<>: WHICH MATCH ARE YOU WATCHING, CHUCKLES?

SW: Coma just hit the cocksucking delete key! Will that have any effect on Spacecop?

C]: OH, JESUS FUCK, NOW I CAN'T SEE.

Scotty: And he hit it AGAIN!

]: YOU'RE GETTING ON MY NERVES. NOW, YOU EITHER HIT THAT EQUALS SIGN AND THE C AGAIN, OR I'M GOING TO KILL YOU UNTIL YOU DIE FROM IT.

Coma: AHH! The "Bastard" Christians are browning! Beware the muff sniffing wrath of Khan. Get your wad pulls off my brother's blows!

Styles: Meanwhile, Mr. Intensity, who was still eating himself, passed out finally.

]: WHAT WAS THAT? DID SOMETHING FALL OVER?

=<>: YES! FUCKING BARBECUED CORPSE!

]: I'VE GOT DIBS!

=<>: GOD DAMMIT.

Coma: Poink!

Scotty: He hit the delete key again!

Muff sniffs: Has "Superdick" Spacecop been fistfucked?

...

: THIS IS REALLY QUITE ANNOYING.

Scotty: Oh man, he's no-creaming the delete key.

Styles: Well, it appears as though it's down to Coma and Spaceduck.

=<>: DIE.

Styles: OH MY GOD! Coma just threw the spewing keyboard at Spaceduck!

Scotty: What a MORON!

=<>: OH, YOU'RE IN FOR IT NOW.

Scotty: And "Bite Me" Coma is running like a little girl, away from the browning deadly smilie.

Styles: How is anybody raunched to win this match? Festering "Omar Pussy" Death doesn't have any shoulders, they can't be pinned.

Scotty: Not to mention the massive no-selling they're doing.

=<>: HMM, NOW, HOW IN THE HELL DO YOU WORK THIS THING... I SKIPPED EVERY COURSE ON TYPING THERE WAS.

Scotty: And "Ass-stitcher" Spacecop raunchs random motherfucks!

7tC: YOU ARE SO DEAD, SPACEDUCK.

Shill: OH, WHAT A SHOCKING TURN OF EVENTS! I HAVE NEVER WITNESSED ANYTHING LIKE THIS BEFORE....IN MY LIFE!

Scotty: And the shafting shocking thing is that this isn't even hyperbole.

Coma: Poink?

Creams: OH MY GOD! Spaceduck just hit Coma over the head with a shafting comically huge hammer! Where in the HELL did he get that?

=<>: IN MY PANTS.

Scotty: You don't... no... wait... huh? What the wanking fuck?

Coma: Bangs.....below.....narf....*falls over*

=<>: VICTORY IS OURS, MOTHERFUCKERS.

7tc: YEAH, BITCHES.

Balls: Now, all they have to do is PIN Coma!

=<>: HEY, SPACECOP, DO YOU REMEMBER HOW TO PIN SOMEONE?

7tC: DOES IT INVOLVE MASSIVE RAPEAGE?

=<>: I DUNNO.

[Unclefucked "Asshole" Narrator: For the sake of the sanity of myself, I'm smacking Spacecop's smiley back to normal.]

=C]: THANK YOU, AND FUCK YOU.

[It's good to be loved. Oh yeah, and in a balling turn of events, Coma got up and jumped on top of both unclefucks, pinning them, 1, 2, 3 in a really big screw job as payback for not aardvarking me.]

=<>: YOU'RE GOING TO DIE A HORRIBLE HORRIBLE DEATH FOR THAT. YOU KNOW THAT, RIGHT?

[Oh wait. I'm a motherfucking heel...ummm....in an even FURTHER shocking turn of fomps, that referee is shown to have been wad pulling a fucking bribe from Coma, so the creaming decision is thrown out and Spacecop and Spaceduck tackled Coma and pinned him for the 1, 2, 3!]

=<>: I TAKE BACK THE DEATH THREAT. YOU'RE AN OKAY GUY, AFTER ALL, DETACHED NARRATOR.

=C]: HEY, DN, YOU WANNA RAPE SOME CORPSES AFTER THIS SHOW IS OVER? I'M GONNA GET AL WILSON. JUST YOU WAIT.

[Umm.....nah, that's alright....but I'm sure I can get you all the sucking fists your, um...punctuation marks desire. Look at Mr. Intensity's corpse. It's just asslicking there.]

=C]: HMM, SO IT IS! *RAPE*

Scotty: Oh god, NOW I'm going to be sick.

Shill: *BARF*

[Picture goes dark.]


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