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CLASSIX 5!

In the mouth of madness (complete with halitosis)!

[A deserted basketball arena. A man in a snappy grey suit walks onto the court, microphone in hand.]

Man: Basketball... the sport of Kings. (Pause) Or is that horse racing? Anyway, basketball is played by the Kings, right? No, the Kings play hockey! Sorry, I'm all in a muddle... Let me start again.

[He walks off the court for a few seconds, then returns.]

Man: Basketball... When Arthur Doubleday invented what was to be known as Americas' pastime, he could never have imagined...

Off-Screen Voice: That's baseball!

Man: Bugger!

[He walks off-screen again.]

Mans' Voice: And three... two.. one...

[He returns to center-court.]

Man: Basketball...

[A second be-suited man enters the shot at a run, walloping the first presenter with a steel chair. He picks up the microphone, steps over the first mans prone body and address the camera...]

2nd Man: Wrestling... the ancient sport of the Greeks and Romans! What does wrestling and basketball have in common? Well, nothing...

[The camera does a dramatic zoom on his face.]

2nd Man: Until now!

[We cut to GBH and Coma at the CLASSIX Desk. They are also in an empty basketball arena, very possible the same one.]

GBH: Duh. Hi. Ummm. Yur.

Coma: Poke the hamster with a muffin, I'm hitting warp factor 3! Eep!

[We cut suddenly to the following titles;]

BOB CLASSIX Presents

BOB: MARCH MADNESS 2001!

Presented by GBH and Coma

With Special Appearances By;

SCOTTY WHATBODY

MIKE "THE MONOTONE MONROE

NURSE HEIDI

MARK SHILL

THE BIGBOSS

THE LI'LBOSS

MISS BEHAVE

AND A BUNCH OF BOB UNDERLINGS

Special Guest Appearances (Budget Constraints Depending) by;

MICHAEL JORDAN

MICHAEL JACKSON

JESSE JACKSON

JESSE "THE BODY" VENTURA

SHAQUILLE O'NEAL

NEAL DIAMOND

DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE

THE STARTING DEFENSIVE LINE OF THE DALLAS COWBOYS

LARRY BIRD

BIG BIRD

BIG DADDY

PUFF DADDY

PUFF THE MAGIC DRAGON

MAGIC JOHNSON

DON JOHNSON

DON KNOTTS

JON BON JOVI

RON AND DON HARRIS

DENNIS RODMAN

DENNIS HOPPER

DENNIS THE MENACE

MEN AT WORK

[We cut back to GBH and Coma]

Coma: Do you come from a land down under? Strewth, corker, I'm up to my wuzza in a billabong, mate! Poink!

[CAPTION: Welcome! Today, we present highlights from the Inagural "March Mayhem" Tournament of 2001!]

GBH: Duh. Yur.

[CAPTION: Duh. Yur.]

Coma: That's quite sticky, Mr Turtle... Leaping lizards, let's go to the phones!

[CAPTION: So, let's get straight to the action!]


(Interior sweep of "The Bi-Lo/Bought For Less" Center in South Philly. Scotty Whatbody and Nurse Heidi are seen at ringside in a slightly less than packed arena. Behind Scotty, you can barely see a fan's sign reading, "STUDNUTS HAS CUTIES, douja HAS COOTIES!" Jump cut to Scotty and Heidi.)

Scotty Whatbody: Hello fans and WEL-COME to the East regional semifinals in THE ONLY WORLD TITLE THAT MATTERS! WE GOT A GREAT COUPLE OF MATCHES....

Nurse Heidi: Scotty...

SW: HERE TONIGHT! DOUJA FACES THE VIOLENT PAC...

NH: Scotty...

SW: ...IFIST AND EL GIGOLANTE TAKES ON HOMICIDAL HANK.

NH: Scotty...

SW: WHAT?!

NH: Do a caps lock check after every time you say, "ONLY WORLD TITLE TOURNAMENT THAT MATTERS" next time, okay? My ears are ringing.

SW: Gotcha! Hey, let's check in with Mike Monroe and GBH over in Happy Land, Anaheim, California for tonight's West region action. Mike, can you here me?

(Mike Monroe's image pops up on the tiny ringside monitor, he's pressing a receiver hard against his ear. GBH stares aimlessly at Happy Land's, the poor man's Disneyland, ride that's set up near the ring...the "HAPPY A GO-GO MAKE YOU HURL-O". A far cry from the exciting rides at SUPERWHACKYFUNLAND...but this is no SUPERWHACKYFUNLAND)

Mike Monroe: Scotty?! How's things on the right coast? Thigs are hot on the left coast! Sir Ronald Killalot will square off against Captain Whacked and Luke Warm battles The Undietaker! Winners tonight are one match away from The Final Foursome and a trip to Ed Weinstein's backyard in Minneapolis!

SW: Who's Ed Weinstein?

GBH: Him got BIG backyard! Yur.

SW: Thanks, GBH! (whispering to Heidi) That guy is getting ALMOST as bad at color commentary as Mongo McMichael. CHECK IT OUT! Here comes THE VIOLENT PACIFIST!

NH: No intros?

SW: Nah, Masked Announcer couldn't possibly do introductions for four different regions and The BigBoss is too cheap to hire temps.

("Closer" by Nine Inch Nails plays, the beeped all to hell K-Mart version. Eddie B. is also being spared until the Final Foursome, so no added scritchies or scratchies. VP struts confidently to the ring wearing a UCLA jersey, drawing some major heel heat in Philadelphia. Why two west teams, UCLA and USC, are playing in the East Region is bizarre, but then again...we're not supposed to say anything about basketball during broadcasts.)

NH: And here comes douja, the last man to ever hold the P.G. title. Oh, he looks focused, especially after he found out Boozer was back.

SW: Hooligan? Yeah, I saw him in the Rant Zone.

NH: No, dummy. You know what? Nevermind...

("How High" (The Extended Mix) by Method Man, Redman, Marlboro Man, Right Hand Man, Mt. Dew Man, The Cigarette Smoking Man from X-Files, and any other guy you can think of whose name ends with "man" plays...douja appears from a smoke cloud sporting a newly, yet poorly grown, Duke Blue Devil's mascot inspired looking goatee. He runs to the ring and...

Due to time constraints...we join this match already in progress. "Days Of Our Lives" and "Passions" will be seen at 5:07 and 6:07 am Saturday morning with no break in storylines.)

NH: Is that Candy Cantelopes?

SW: Looks more like Sandy Saucernips! Did she get another boob job?

NH: Scotty, be a little more professional, will ya? Can't you say "enhancement"?

SW: Sure I could, but saying "boob job" gives me a little twinge, know what I mean?

NH: No, and I don't want to, either. VP just whipped douja into the corner, douja bounces out and catches a reverse chop to the chest that drops him like an airball!

SW: I guess with Sir Hungalot being eliminated, Candy has flown here to support VP. Pacifist giving the sign for the Nine Inch Nailer! This could be it for douja!

NH: Wait, Candy is distracting the Generic Ref #2. She hit him! What's she doing?

SW: She's a turncoat! A Benedict Arnold! A Steve Alford! She's turned in Sir Hungalot for Sir Smokealot! She's succumbed to the 15 inches of chocolately goodness!

NH: Yeah, that was quite a marketing ploy by "Sir Chocolat"...extending their candy bar by 8 inches. I bet they rake in millions. And just when a gal manages to keep some pounds off. (rubs belly)

SW: Sir Chocolat? Is that the one with Johnny Depp? OOOOOOH! Candy just nailed Violent P. with her purse! Look...a BRICK dropped out!

NH: Yeah, that was a bad shot. Use your legs Battier!

SW: She's dragging douja over Pacifist! And now the Ref is snapped out of the valet bump, just in time to miss all the cheating but count the fall! ONE...TWO....

(cut to California)

MM: Killalot with a European uppercut to Captain Whacked! He's stunned! The Swiss Army Champion dominating the action. What's the score, GBH?

GBH: Duh. Stanford leads by two.

MM: OKAY, THEN! Killalot not really dominating the action but he's in control!

GBH: Cappy kicked him. In...like...his leg and stuff.

MM: Are you GBH or Flatline? THREE POINTER! Ummm, three point stance! Whacked charges, side step by Ronald...Captain Whacked face first into the turnbuckle! He's staggering around...Killalot sizing him up! Has him....MCPILEDRIVER!

GBH: Duh, Whacky got whackedededed..huh?

MM: Nice try, GBH! Looks like Captain Whacked has fouled out and will be riding the pine the rest of this one. WAIT JUST A DOGGONE MINUTE! (stolen from J.R., copyrighted to BOB) IT'S MITTENS! I'm guessing he doesn't like Killalot using a McPiledriver and he has the McTurkey Slap Deluxe! BOB isn't big enough for two McFinishers!

GBH: Yur.

MM: Work on that, GBH. Mittens upset in round one here in the West Region, but has bought a ticket to Happy Land! He's on the apron, Killalot notices him, the Original Generic Ref keeping an eye on things...Killalot charges and clocks Mittens! Whacked is up...sneaking up behind Sir Ronald!

(back to Philly)

SW: THAT'S NOT CANDY CANTELOPES! Here comes the REAL Candy!

NH: Well, I don't think you can say she's "real".

SW: She just attacked the fake Candy!

NH: Okay, you lost me. Wouldn't the "real" Candy actually be the "fake" Candy? I mean, come on...they don't even move when she falls down.

SW: ALL RIGHT, ALREADY! The "imposter" Candy! Better? She's all over her! I bet it's one of the women from BOB's Ladies Division, after they dropped women's wrestling here...those girls will do ANYTHING for a check! (nudges Heidi with his elbow)

NH: Even if it means dressing up like Candy Cantelopes and hanging out with douja?

SW: Or worse! (winks) I betcha it's Maxine "but you can call her Maxie" Padds. Candy has her...she's pulled off her wig! The hell? GO FO THE TOP, CANDY! PULL OFF HER TOP!

NH: You are SUCH a pig, Scotty.

SW: Oink, oink! Hey, who IS...THAT girl?

(Going back Cali... Cali... Cali)

MM: Killalot with a Russian Leg Sweep, picks Captain up again..."Miserable Git" Death Drop!

GBH: Look like Scorpion Death Drop...

MM: Yeah, that too! Mittens trying to get up off the floor, he can't! Killalot with another MCPILEDRIVER! He put some mustard on THAT one!

GBH: Supersize it, duh.

MM: One...TWO...THREE! Sir Ronald Killalot will advance to the regional final! Here comes The Undietaker, perhaps trying to get an upperhand on Ronald! He's in the ring! Grabs him around the throat, he grabs a handful of underwear! It's the WEDGIE AIDED...

(shoot over to Philly)

SW: Candy takes off the wig! And the imposter's face! It was one of those Mission Impossible/Scooby Doo type disguses! It's SOEM GUY IN A MASK!

NH: Looks like Soem Guy In A Wig to me. Where'd he get those breasts? And to think earlier you wanted Candy to rip off his top.

SW: That's not fair, I thought it was a chick! douja still covering VP. ONE...TWO...THREE! douja will advance thanks to Soem Gyu In A Disgiuse!

SGIAM: can yuo pay me, now? its been awhiel.

NH: Look at douja run out of there! He knows he stole this one from VP. He'll face the winner of El Gigolante and Homicidal Hank to go to the Final Foursome...

SW: And that's coming up next!

(Back to Happy Land)

Undietaker: Are we....back yet?

Killalot: Yeah, he's waving to us now. Grab me again.

MM: Undietaker has Killalot!

(The lights go out, massive pop from all 242 in attendance as "Stuff Breaking" is heard)

GBH: LUKE WARM! Ummmm, duh.

MM: The bald Texan(tm) is in the ring! Undietaker drops SRK, turns...STONECUTTER! Luke stands quickly and stares down the Git. Reaches for him...STONECUTTER! He STONECUTTERED Sir Ronald! He's running to the turnbuckle and guzzling Yoo-Hoo like a savage! There's the Double Thumb's Up! Look at Undie, he's doing the "Slow Rise, Dead Man Sit up"! He's on his feet! Grabs Luke around the throat!

(Philly)

SW: El Gigolante, the biggest Ladie's man ever, and Homicidal Hank, perhaps the biggest loon ever...are already going at it! Hank fires a right, El Gigolante fires back! El G. now destroying Hank thanks to a 20 point first half lead!

NH: Scotty, focus.

SW: Hank with a tremendous flurry, Kentucky back from 20 down and cuts it to one!

NH: Scotty, you must focus...

(Anahiem)

MM: WEDGIE AIDED CHOKESLAM FROM HELL! Undietaker throws Killalot out of the ring. He's found a frozen pizza at ringside! He's going for the Tombstone Piledriver!

GBH: Duh, you sure that's not Totino's?

(Philadelphia)

SW: Hank going for a bodyslam, El Gigolante shifts his weight...catches Hank in a roll up! Small package!

NH: That's has to be at least a medium to large package...

SW: ONE...TWO...NO! Hank kicks out!

(California again)

MM: Killalot has grabbed Undietaker's leg, UT drops the pizza and tries to kick him away. Luke is back up...

GBH: Yur, stonecutter.

MM: No, idiot...you gotta say it this. STONECUTTER! Luke hooks the leg, ONE...TWO...THREE! It's gonna be Luke Warm and Sir Ronald Killalot in the West Region final! Winner goes to Minneapolis and the Final Foursome! Look at Luke and Killalot's stare down!

(Philly yet again...)

SW: And Gigolante moves on! The former MWF World champion with a victory over the former STWF I.G. champion!

NH: What happened?

SW: I don't know...I was watching Luke and Undietaker on the monitor!

NH: Cop out. Looks like douja will face the nearly 7 foot El Gigolante for a trip to Minneapolis. Ironic El Gigolante, a towering gigolo, gets matched up with a team called the Trojans. Must be fate, a great man once said.

SW: What action! And we still have Steve Studnuts vs. Bohemoth and Bobo Q. Fiendish vs. Viet Kong coming up in the MidWest!

NH: And in the South, Lord Lestat Von Sexbat takes on The Organ Grinder...and The Nightmare, lone representative from the 2XWF, who got 5 entries, will take on The Domino.

SW: 5 entries?! And they only have ONE left. I guess the ACC was down this year!

NH: Shut up, Scotty.

BOB 2001-More tournament action to come...it's FANtastic.


[We return to the BOB CLASSIX desk. GBH is bouncing a basketball on Comas head.]

GBH: Duh. There's a pony. Umm. In my halogen-fueled. Dur. Unicycle pants. Ummmm. Poink.

Coma: Duh. Yur. Hee.

[The Flunky crawls into the bottom of the shot and exchanges their scripts.]

Coma: Ahh, the minty freshness of pure linoleum! Rather you than me, Bertie... Mater says the rhino is poorly, and it's twelve below in the shade! Quince jam, anyone? Flubble wubble, iggly oink!

[CAPTION: Welcome back. Let's move on.]


LilBOSS: So, BigB...what now?

BigBOSS: We take a short break...then it's back to the West Region because Luke Warm and Sir Ronald Killalot are still locked in that staredown! They should be beating each other senseless by now!

Miss Behave: I thought this thing took the entire weekend...

BB: Are you serious? I'm not double booking these sites! It's time for the Regional Finals, to hell with seperate nights! douja vs. El Gigolante in the East, Luke and SRK in the West, Sexbat and that Nightmare dude in the South...and in the Midwest, two men, with two names comprised of just two letters...but only one spot for one of them in the FINAL FOURSOME! BOBO VS. BO! The match the STWF couldn't deliver! The match the STWF couldn't handle! The match the STW...

MB: Stu?

BB: Ummm, yeah?

MB: You're drooling, honey.

(Back to Happy Land)

MM: Thanks, BigBoss...nice lead in! The staredown is over, the bell has sounded and Luke Warm and Sir Ronald Killalot are tearing into each other like Bohemoth at a free buffet!

GBH: Duh, buffet? Me hungry...could go for McPiledriver with cheese right about now...

MM: Shut up, dummy! Killalot with a Japanese armdrag, Luke counters with an Irish whip, NO! German Suplex by Sir Ronald! Luke finds a Singapore Cane and whacks the knight right between the eyes...SRK shakes it off and fires back with a Tongan Death Grip, Luke wiggles free...Luke with an Oriental Spike! This is craz..ALABAMA JAMMER! Luke with the cover, ONE...TWO...nice London Bridge by SRK to avoid the pinning predicament! Flurry of moves by the Miserable Git, Boston Crab! Warm in trouble...spins out of it, Texas Cloverleaf by the pride of Bumbledink! SRK gets out! Russian Leg Sweep and Russian Sickle! Killalot with a bulldog!

GBH: Duh, British Bulldog?

MM: (totally ignoring GBH) This is the GREATEST match in the history of our sport!

GBH: Mike plus mic equals shill. Yur...

(looks like a good time to check in with Scotty and Nurse Heidi in the East Region)

NH: Scotty, are we STILL here? I agree with Miss Behave, I thought the semis and finals took all weekend...

SW: Oh no, we're playing right through! Imagine all the memory space we're saving doing it this way, no reintroduction scene set up, no get-the-fans-caught-up-on-things monologue...we just pick up where we left off! See! douja's already in the ring and we didn't have to waste time doing intro music or nothing. WHOO HOO! This'll be a good one...

NH: Hmpf. Okay, I guess. Here comes El Gigolante, the #6 seed in the East vs. the top seed. Wow...he drawfs douja, what is he? About 7'2"? Big mismatch here, douja is going to have problems...

SW: No way! douja's a heel again, and heels always come up with some underhanded scheme to even the score.

NH: Whatever. Let's take a quick peek down South....

SW: I THOUGHT YOU'D NEVER ASK! WHOO HOO!

NH: South Region, you perv...and see what's going on with Lord Sexbat and The Nightmare. Dennis, you there?

(cut to Atlanta)

Dennis: Jolly good here, Heidi! The Nightmare is already waiting for the arrival of The King of the Gothic Underworld...the number one seed in the South, I say, Lord Lestat Von Sexbat. The Nightmare, at an 11 seed, is proving his skill and also that he should have never jobbed to that evil James Nethery in the 2XWF.

Clive: Are we almost finished? I'm getting a butt cramp. I'm used to running around with a camera, not sitting here in a chair for hours on end...

D: I say, Clive ole boy...we're almost done. I can sense "somebody" is close to carpal tunnel. (looking at monitor) BY JOVE! Bo and Bobo are already duking it out?! What are we waiting for, I say?! Jump cut, jump cut...for the love of the Queen Mother, JUMP CUT!

(jump cut to San Antonio)

BB: Clubbering forearm rocks the miner!

LB: ..and the Casba. The Sher-eef didn't like it.

MB: Stuart, can you make him shut up? He's not funny at all and he's giving me a migraine...

BB: WHATTAMANEUVER!

LB: You didn't know what that was, did you, BigB?

(BigBoss droops his head)

MB: Bohemoth looks like he's out on his feet...

(Back to the West)

MM: SRK with a Nantucket Nutter! Tahitian Ankle Bite! Luke drops like a redwood, the pin! ONE...TWO...THR-NOOOO! Shoulder up and Luke comes back with a Transylvanian Thumb To The Eye!

GBH: Duh, that was Egyptain Eye Gouge...

MM: Damn it, you're right! Covers, ONE...TWO...THR-SRK GETS OUT! Lake Havasu Leglock, reversal by Luke. Seperated now, both up...Luke lunges for the Round Table ruffian...San Fernando Valley Driver!

GBH: I'd rather be in Heidi's Silicon Valley Driver...duh, cheap gropes and cop-a-feels. Yur.

MM: (still ignoring GBH)...Luke's SFVD not quite as effective as the Death Valley version, SRK escaes the pin attempt at two and three quarters. Killalot retaliates with Chinese Water Tourture! That'll leave a mark! Look for Luke to tap out, no pun intended...

GBH: None taken. Hee. Ooh, California Barking Spider!

MM: (perking up) What move was that?

GBH: Bowel. It what friend Chuck calls "cutting one"...

MM: You're friends with that Stinkbutt guy?

GBH: Yep, he friend. Him also learnt me: Beans, beans, good for the heart...

(Back to Philly)

SW: Who's THAT?

NH: I don't know, but things are smelling fishy. DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT REPLYING TO THAT, SCOTTY!

SW: *ahem* Hey, that's a customs agent! douja has done it again, the agent is approaching El Gigolante!

Guy that looks too good to actually be customs guy: Excuse me, sir, but you're looking really Cuban or Panamanian to me. Can I see your green card, please?

El Gigolante: What is this...this green card?

SW: LOOK AT THAT! The customs guy has apprehended El Gigolante! douja is rollin'!

NH: He could've at least waited to celebrate in the locker room...

SW: No, he's rolling with laughter! I swear, douja is taking his recent heel turn to new heights, or lows...depending on how you look at it. I LOVE IT! YOU GO, HEEL BOY! (does dance-like shift in his chair)

(South Region..you know, Sexbat and Nightmare? They're down there, wrestling or something)

D: Chicken wing crossface applied by The Nightmare, Sexbat's in trouble hre, I say....

C: OUCH! The old "trick knee" caused Lestat's leg to flip backwards right into Nightmare's groin! The lowest seed left in the tournament drops in a heap...Sexbat now taunting the crowd, now he's going into a pointy boot version of the Garvin Stomp! Nightmare about to run out of miracles and Temple is about to come up Final Four short again...

D: Sexbat with a pin, ONE...TWO...

(over to Midwest)

BB: THIS IS A BRAWL! See what you missed, STWF?! Bo and Bobo trading punches, Bobo gets the advantage with a hard smash upside the Big Bo's large head. Sidewalk Slam! The cover, ONE...TWO...

LB: NOPE! Going to take more than that to keep ole one eye down!

MB: Ole one eye? Couldn't you have come up with something that didn't remind me of a pen...

BB: The ref needs to check that cut over Bo's good eye, could cause some problems if the bleeding gets in there.

MB: Ya think? Stu, I can't take anymore of this...can we go now?

(Back to The Bi-Lo/Bought for Less Center in Philadelphia)

SW: El Gigolante has been disqualified! douja is going to the Final Foursome! El Smokie has outsmarted El Gigolante!

NH: I seriously doubt that, that's why we have script writers. Hey, it's the Violent Pacifist, he never left the building and he has Mr. Bat!

SW: YEAH BABY! P-P-V hype! VP slides in and takes a Sosa-like swing at douja, but Smoke Doggy Dog quickly drops to the mat and rolls to the floor! He's a TACTICAL GENIUS!

NH: Is he paying you?

SW: douja's leaving, but not before making threats. He's going to Minneapolis and VP can do nothing but stand there and swing Mr. Bat over his head like he's swatting flies!

NH: Maybe he is...we've been sitting here five days real time.

SW: Explains the fishy smell.

(Nurse Heidi smacks Scotty as we head back to Happy Land)

MM: Killalot going for the McPildriver, Luke backdrops out of it! STONECUTTER! ONE..TWO...SRK gets a foot on the rope! Foot on the rope! Nobody has ever escaped the STONECUTTER! Luke can't believe it, picks Sir Ronald up...sending him to the ropes, reversal, Luke ducks the clothesline, off the far ropes...TOMMY RICH PRESS! ONE...TWO...THREE! GOOD GOD ALL MIGHTY! That was the most physically brutalizing match in the history of wrestling! Luke with a hard fought victory, he's going to the FINAL FOURSOME!

GBH: Duh, I thought that was Lou Thesz Press.

MM: Well, they both used it. But it's always better to use an obscure, forgotten wrestler instead of a legendary one to describe a move!

GBH: You learnt at Tony Schiavone school?

MM: HELL NO! I learned that from experience. Besides, Tony himself hasn't learned a newly created move since 1985! (takes a deep breath) Wow, what a battle! Luke will now face douja in the National Semifinal. That'll be a war, those two are VERY familiar with each other.

GBH: So is Duke and Maryland. Heh.

MM: Shhhhhhhh...

(South again)

D: Nightmare had Sexbat cornered! Mounts the turnbuckle!

crowd: 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9.........TEN!

D: Nightmare whips him across, Lestat drops down as Nightmare charges in, double leg pick-up...feet on the ropes for leverage! ONE...TWO...THREE! Michigan State survives Temple and the longest reigning Pan Galactic champion ever survives this pesky fed outsider. Good fight, I say.

C: The last two men to hold the P.G. title and the Thirstiest S.O.B. in BOB are in, let's find out who joins them! P.S. I want my camera back!

(to the Midwest)

BB: SMASHER! Bo hit the SMASHER! The cover, ONE...TWO...BOBO KICKS OUT?! I can't believe it!

LB: Sure you can, you wrote it!

BB: DID NOT!

MB: Stuart, PLEASE GET RID OF HIM!

BB: Okay, snuggle bear. (takes out pencil)

(Li'l Peppy Polar runs down the aisle and attacks the Li'lBoss. The two midgets hype their upcoming cage match and battle at ringside like a couple of dwarfs fighting over "Growth Juice")

BB: Inverted piledriver by Bobo! He covers! ONE...TWO...THREE! Bobo wins and will advance to Minneapolis!

MB: Ummmm, Stuart? You forgot something.

BB: Bohemoth is crippled for life?

MB: No, Arizona beat Illinois.

BB: Did they? Damn New Zealand sports coverage! Bobo was leaving the ring, the referee has noticed Bohemoth's foot on the rope! The match will continue! The pinfall negated!

(Shot of Peppy choking Li'lBoss with camera cable)

BB: Bobo's trying to run back to the ring before getting counting out! He falls, and it appears he's injured his knee!

MB: And he's selling it like a pro.

BB: Fiendish struggles to get in the ring, but he can't stand! He's a sitting duck! SMASHER! ONE...TWO...HE KICKED OUT AGAIN! Bo struggling to climb the ropes for a third time, he's really winded.

MB: I can see why, he's so fat he'd get winded TAKING a breath.

BB: SMASHER! ONE...TWO...THREE! BOHEMOTH WINS IT! The crowd is going bonkers!

(Li'l Peppy throws the Lil'Boss into the ring. LB tries to whip Peppy into the ropes, Peppy reverses it and nails what looked like a Manny Fernandez/Ragin' Bull-like "Flying Burrito". Due to his size, though, it looked more like a wind blown cinnamon twist.)

BB: Bohemoth, Luke, douja...three STWFers in the Final Foursome...and Lord Lestat Von Sexbat! One of them will become THE ONLY WORLD CHAMPION THAT MATTERS!

MB: Yea, can we go now?

(fade out)

BOB 2001-Your Daily Recommended Dose of Dumbass


[We return to the CLASSIX set. Coma has donned a football helmet with a hockey mask beneath. He's also wearing bowling shoes, soccer shorts and carrying a lacrosse stick.]

Coma: Hut! Hut! Blue twenty-three! Blue twenty-three! It's fourth and 48 and I'm ready to bunt! Squeeze play at the plate, he shoots... he SCORES!

GBH: Ummm. Yur. Bye.

[*sigh* Fade out.]


© 2002 BOB Wrestling. Madness. MAAAAAAADNESSSSS!

 

© BOB Wrestling!

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